Gavin Newsom in 2029: Operation Means Tested Anger will ensure continued I̶s̶r̶a̶e̶l̶i̶ American security as we try and wind down the war President Trump started. For that effect I have authorized an additional 10,000 troops to be deployed to the Green Zone in Tehran.

Let's put all our recycling out in paper bags when there's 20 mph wind.

I was promised compete Mid-Atlantic destruction and it is slightly raining.

I'll hang out in Iraq for 6 months but I absolutely do not want to get shot at - Da Conscious Objecter

That movie was bad but you think it was good. The harshest struggle of our times.

Beware the guys of march

Father has decided to start using "OMG" and "Yay" in his texts for some reason.

Day whatever of the special combat undertaking.

"I never watch YouTube why do I pay for premium I'm canceling it" *two days later sitting in my car* "Why does my YouTube Music have ads?"

The Pitt fans think it's a real ER with a camera in it.

There was a non-combat explosion on the poop deck of the Gerald Ford. "Poop everywhere."

The leasing company brought the property owner by today to have a look around and he's a bald mustache millenial and not some boomer. Disturbing.

Walking through a sunlit park and screaming "you are not a vibe bro" until I am escorted out by bike cops.

Harden your heart, Oh Khamenei. Increase your attacks.

They're demolesting the money. It's normal again.

The World Baseball Classic, also known as the Israeli Humiliation Ritual, was a 21st century sporting event played during the 200 Years' War.

It's nice today and all but They also decided to set up a droning Havana Sundrome device outside my house so unfortunately I am going to have to make the news.

The Pittt: Very Serious Issues are present in society. Only the hottest doctors can ameliorate some of them.

Hungover riding the train backwards.

Ballet, much like Hollywood, mostly serves as a child abuse mill. Not sure about opera.

The soccer world treats Messi like a special needs kid who is never responsible for his actions.

3:47 time to lock in and do some work.

4 person throw up scene in Righteous Gemstones Jesus Christ.

Operation Epstein Fuhrer

In 2024 someone decided that "submental" was a nicer way to say retarded and now you see the word used incorrectly 30 times a day.

Was forced to buy what can only be described as prison toilet paper before the last snow storm and I just discovered the half bath is full of nice tp.

Why do boomers call desktops CPUs?

A lot of streets in Philly are named after trees. There's even a Tree St. No one knows why there's a Race St.

Crashing my jet in the one country that isn't full of people who want to shoot me >>>

14 minute closing track to a death/doom album no thank you

You are in the out-group and we have a special word for you. You can't use it though or you will oppress the people in the in-group.

Marathon is a stinky game.

Sometimes you see a celebrity and you go "I didn't know they were 60" and then you look them up and they're 48.

Who's tugging in 2025?

Laulukaskas is Red Kahina for zoomers.

Doodle abomination upstairs has discovered howling.

Phil you've done a great job destroying Xbox but we are going to need someone hotter for phase three. How about an early retirement?

More like A Nap of the 6 Episodes that shit is a snoozefest.

I had a teacher with TS and on the first day he swore at us for 30 seconds and then said he couldn't get in trouble because of his Tourettes which only manifested itself in a facial tic for the rest of the year.

Outrage at the Queer Deaf and Disabled convention after a guest signed multiple homophobic slurs throughout the night.

New Jersey has been destroyed. There is nothing left. Pennsylvania will expand east to restore order. Maryland must seize this opportunity and occupy Delaware.

Mickey mouse blizzard I can still see out my window.

I forgot to buy tauntaun food before the storm.

Ideally US athletes should be forced to compete under a neutral flag like Russia but for now they just get sorted into Woke and Unwoke Harry Potter houses.

The haters and losers told me not to buy the $70 gore tex Merrels because "winter is almost over" "we cant get another storm" "they're ugly" etc. and they were only halfway right.

Total chud victory

START THE FUCKING GAME

Cotopuxi

Their evil wasian ski phenom our just and righteous wasian genetically optimized skater.

TSA made me take off my Ōura penis ring off in front of everyone. Very embarrassing.