slowly learning how to cope in ways that are existentially constructive. lying down and meditating on specific mantras, visualizations, sensory inclusions/exclusions. doodling myself and my emotions with pencil & paper. hopefully playing piano again, soon (it's been a while, I miss it).

Argh!!! I'm glooby. Glooby… against the whole world…

It's extremely frustrating having to cope with the hypocrisy of someone much more influential in the same scene as I, having callously removed + excluded me from their social circle due to the "implications of my identity", constantly showing up in my feed because of how much presence they hold.

We may be quiet but we are constantly churning with thought; we are channeling it into Notes, Charts, Diagrams, and so forth. A working physical memory bank—prosthesis for a disabled brain. We will output something congealed and consumable for Posting once it digests enough. In due time!

look! it's me :) my soft squishy face. my wonderful face

practicing anatomy tonight. the pelvis is such a weird shape. so fun + challenging to rotate it around and attach the glutes to it. big butts. also the tummy and lumbar attaching to it... good stuff.

i'm so tired of feeling like i have to impress people in order for them to be kind to me, but i don't see any other way

it can take off its mask, it is loved, it is okay, it is okay, it is okay, it is shaking and it is so scared, it wants so badly to be cared for, to be seen and appreciated by its friends, to be real, to be itself, to be itself, to be itself

persistent existential pain in my waking life + a vestigial involuntary dreamscape which only seems to ever reinforce the ache (horrible nightmares over and over)

bought a proper air filtering machine because I realized losing entire days to my allergies was really bad for my mental health. even after just an afternoon having it on I am surprised by how much nicer the air FEELS to breathe. it feels smoother, less taxing, less irritating to my sinuses/throat

i think some people don't fully understand how disabling pollen allergies can be—i'm 3 hours in to an allergy attack (constant sneezing, running nose, post-nasal drip) and it's utterly exhausting. my whole body wracked with this shit. i will likely need the whole afternoon to recover if it stops now

maddeningly intense allergy attack today. i know i'm a slug but i don't want *this* kind of mucus production!

i just want to stop hurting, to stop feeling the profound wrongness of this body in vivid detail every waking moment of my life

you found it (sketch)

some quick sketches... I am a creature of many squishy shapes

i would relearn eating. that's alright. i would relearn speaking. that's alright. i would relearn moving. that's alright. i would relearn drawing. that's alright. i will treasure every moment i am given to teach myself how to live in my new body. the human vessel isn't my only chance.

doing tons of doodles in my little sketchbook. already got five page-spreads and compiling some of em for a big refsheet sort. ^o^ blrrrp what sort of poses or activities would you enjoy seeing my sluggy self doing? so many fun things to do with this silly squishy body... <3

my big soft slugmouth can make all sorts of noises

doing tons of doodles in my little sketchbook. already got five page-spreads and compiling some of em for a big refsheet sort. ^o^ blrrrp what sort of poses or activities would you enjoy seeing my sluggy self doing? so many fun things to do with this silly squishy body... <3

sleeping soundly as the stars swirl

Big day and momentous occasion for toiletkind

my mind palace is the sm64 b3313 internal castle plexus

sleeping soundly as the stars swirl

look at us cuddling n kissing n stuff! funny greatures interacting :)

(cw nonsexual nudity, my weird sluggy body!) thank you to my wife for depicting me in such a loving way 🤍🧡 nudity is not inherently sexual, this is simply the form i feel the most comfy in—the most realized version of myself. soft, warm, loving. weird, unusual, sincere; genuinely me.

btw if you're one of my followers and you think the nude slug form is 'too much' for this account pls message me and talk it out instead of leaving... i promise we can work something out

(cw nonsexual nudity, my weird sluggy body!) thank you to my wife for depicting me in such a loving way 🤍🧡 nudity is not inherently sexual, this is simply the form i feel the most comfy in—the most realized version of myself. soft, warm, loving. weird, unusual, sincere; genuinely me.

ohhh this is fun! i've spent a lot of time thinking about these specific games and how they've influenced me. a few older things from my childhood, a few from adolescence/early adulthood, a few more recent. I bet Look Outside would be a good candidate, hope to play it sometime...

shiny sluggy shiny smooth and slick shiny moist wet shiny sticky healing slime healing sluggy slime give me a hug i will warm you and comfort you and you will be healed of your ailments

addendum: i DO want to be seen 'as if a toilet was given life', a "post-inanimate": at once different and similar to those purely inanimate. the "NOT" is in reference to those 'dirty/kinky' qualities many assign as *inherent* to the toilet as an object, which are actually *not inherent*.

can i hopefully work my friends & those around me towards seeing me—a toilet—as a clean and helpful thing? i hope so. i am not hiding this part of myself away, i would love nothing more than to help others reframe their own relationship with the bathroom, to ease biology-borne fear, to comfort.

learning how to fold my identity around so it looks more palatable to strangers; it is a very tricky puzzle. i do not want to hide myself or go 'back in the closet', but i do want to alleviate the instant recoiling many have when hearing the word 'toilet' used self-referentially.

writing out scripts and struck by how no matter how i structure this "intro" comic, it keeps feeling like i'm begging for respect—"i promise i have a meaningful inner dialogue, i promise i'm not disgusting, i promise i have complex nuanced interesting thought" trauma messes you up, huh.

rotate slugy. rotating me practicing a form to use for the forseeable future, one which resonates with my inner self. funny sluggy called toilet! nudity tag for safety: it's "blank" nudity with no clothes to get the form across :)

rotate slugy. rotating me practicing a form to use for the forseeable future, one which resonates with my inner self. funny sluggy called toilet! nudity tag for safety: it's "blank" nudity with no clothes to get the form across :)

moving sure is taking its sweet time but at least we're doing well, keeping the stress down, drafting ideas and doing a lot of thought-exploring. looking forward to settling in to the new place by the end of the month and finally getting back to fun creative things

i will not be posting anything this coming week or two. i am hurting badly. dealing with an intense betrayal of trust and struggling to cope + tend to the emotional wounds. i want to believe i can make friends and socialize and trust the people around me to care about my wellbeing. it's so, so hard.

also i will start drawing/posting my comics soonish i just need to finish moving house and get back on the drawing train ty for all your patience. i hope the text posts are still meaningful to you all

can you tell i've been traumatized through the exhausting lens of others' expectations in this human-centric, allistic society? my true nature is not of this body, not of this speech, not of this ambulation, not of these impulses; i yearn to better reflect my personal truth and end this ordeal!

its mouth is kinda like a big soft round birdo mouth. no eggs though. just hot air and love

It is truly a shame that I must wear clothes digitally; that I cannot easily share depictions of myself in my most natural and comfortable state (with no clothes, a strange esoteric abstract being with an oddly-shaped body and funny orifices) without it being "crass" in some way or another.

As objectkin, I need not be beholden to a "traditional" inanimate form. My objecthood is not a restrictive identity; rather, any body of mine transforms in service of my objecthood. This means I can see myself as—and most importantly, *be*—an object, a toilet, myself, in many different realities.

some people think toilets are inherently "dirty"... I don't agree. we're meant for cleanliness and sanitation, we prevent disease! Please don't think of toilets as gross dirty things... we are instead vessels through which the world is kept clean. we're your allies, we help so much!

Really also wanting to draw something mundane/sfw that's like... myself as a slug-like post-human, happy and slithering around, a squishy fat limbless form! It would hug you by wrapping its warm soft lower body around you and gurgling softly inside its chest, like a rumbling purr. <3

Yearning deeply—hoping, hoping, hoping—that someday I will be living life sans limbs. It wells up in my chest with force. It is a visceral need of my soul. It must happen, it will happen. If consciousness is only of the flesh… sluglike bodies have always appealed to it so deeply. It would be happy.

it's playing cult of the lamb and having a lot of fun :) drawn by its owner&wife! thank you so much hun. love you so so so so so much it promises it will have some of its own art to share here in time, too. thank you all for the patience <3

it feels so safe and true to be seen as what it is. it is so vulnerable yet so deeply, deeply affirming to make itself seen in its truth. to embrace objecthood so wholly. to shed any semblance of a human name completely. to leave its humanity behind and be a happy little thing. a living-object.

It's me! Dancing, happy thing! (bluuorp! glrg <3)

(soft, quiet burbling from the porcelain fixture in the corner of a well-kept bathroom. the lights off, the air still. It is deep in objectbrain, thoughts flowing slowly as time is rendered a thick soup. minutes seem to pass as hours, to it. the toilet exists in its totality in consummate bliss.)