I have heard that to catch a waltz you must follow all three of the steps

Her chiropractor is retiring, so she knows he won't be back

Now that it's Fall, how come these shorter days somehow feel so goddamn long? --------------------------------------------- My cat cleans its face by licking its foot. It's the paws that refreshes

In training, my head's so full of new details, I have lost the echo

In training, my head's so full of new facts, it no longer sounds hollow

After the storm, with all the leaves on the ground, that's why we call it Fall

After the storm, there's now more leaves on the ground than there are on the trees

You'll never win the Nobel Peace Prize when all you create is chaos

I won't say you made me, but now that you're gone, there's somehow less of me ------------------------------------------- He's literally destroying the White House, yet protesters are wrong

I threw a quarter into the wishing well, but it was worth more dry

It's hard to say you love someone, but much harder to say that you don't

Writing two haikus into one space in the dark leads to a word blob

No World Series for us, ever, so it's hard to say, "Maybe next year"

I think that the word "sorry" isn't within her vocabulary

First week of training, drinking from the firehose of information --------------------------------- Damned if I do and damned if I don't, so I will lean towards the don't

With all the monkeys in charge, we need Jane Goodall now more than ever

David Hasselhoff pedals his bike in the dark, now a night rider

When my brain's awake, it may be dark outside but the lights on in here

When my brain's awake, the rest of my body screams out, "SHUT UP, ASSHOLE!"

When my brain's awake, it's like a child at Christmas ready for presents

If your brain's doing the haiku dance, you might as well put on music -------------------------------------- When my brain's awake, there's just a five percent chance I'll go back to sleep

When you toast with your whiskey, you raise the glass to keep your spirits up

The president drinks whiskey from the bottle as he's leery of shots

If Tylenol does cause autism, good whiskey just might be the cure

Donald and Jeffrey must love whiskey, I hear they like fifteen-year-olds

The Commander in Thief will not rest until he has taken it all

My brain is starting to dance around the room, so it must be morning ------------------------------------ My brain is starting to dance around the room, I need to put it back

Blue is the water Blue is the sky and the trees I need more crayons

When you preach hate and then you receive hate back, you shouldn't be surprised

This haiku is not about Charlie Kirk, and yet people are still mad

Don't fear the other, as without them, there is no mother or brother

Please mark this on your calendars: The next Rapture will be when I die

I knew the Rapture wasn't real when I heard that Blondie is still here ------------------------------- I knew the Rapture wasn't real when I heard that there's no man from Mars

I am not sure why I wasn't in the Rapture, I wore a nice shirt

I get myself in trouble all by myself, I don't need any help

At the reception, I realized I don't dance like that anymore

Talking about beer is fun, but much better with a pint in your hand

They will be happy when the wedding's over and their real life begins

There once was a man from Nantucket who didn't understand haiku ------------------------------- Another weekend far from home, but another weekend close to you

Those who join ICE are the ones not quite good enough to join the pol-ice

Twenty-one thousand genes to be human, and Don's are all recessive

She is not sixty. She is thirty with double the experience

It's her sixtieth birthday, though she still feels like she is fifty-nine

Doofer Goofyface wants everyone to know that names are important

Jalapenos and my stomach: They get along, but sometimes they fight ---------------------------------- When it comes to a girlfriend, Mickey has found he has Minnie options

Three celebrations of life this month. Thankfully, none of them were mine

She lightly cooed, "There's poison in your drink." She was his warning sighing

The free radio had no volume knob, so he couldn't turn it down

When Bill left the room, his son ate his cash. He could not leave him a loan

Not getting Bill's snide comments, Jill was the chasm in his sarcasm