one of my customers is names john clocker… i am Not calling that guy

every time i see someone tweet about jane remover i think they’re talking about my friend jane

my pants being like 1/3 of an inch too short might be what makes me do it

ex esports enthusiast that thinks the na miata is the north american miata

got the stomach flu now i get how it feels to go around with no shields in fortnite

guys i’m pretty sure mcivegotagun and tricky mac are the same guy

my goat lost :/

CMON MANGO LOCK IN

im remembering why i left….

tryna find cowgirl boots and a hat for a hailey welch cosplay this saturday… any suggestions

downloaded tinder and matched with a beautiful trans woman with a miata who is more than 10 years older than me in like five minutes.. we are soo back

everyone that yolo’d is now dead

hmmm i’m learning that when you Do things, things will get done.. i’ll keep yall updated with my findings

desperate for a beautiful woman to watch speed racer with me

ass so fat i popped the zipper to my jeans trying to remove them :/

just got the news that they decided to go a different direction for the job i was interviewing for :/ congrats to whoever the new pope is but know that i would have been better

erm yea.. you could say im kinda like a celebrity

got hit by a parked car omw to work </3

fuck yoda fr he’s a cold mfer and deserved his shameful dagobah exile

choosing to interpret yucky men calling me ‘sir’ as being the same as when the clones call ahsoka ‘sir’

sleeper car with SMRF Q as the plate

just sold insurance to a guy with [email protected] as an email and bro was Not born in 1988…..

girl who justifies succumbing to gta v micro transactions bc she’s “funding gta 6”

realizing that if i’m really fruity more people will want to give me their credit card information

saw my first updated model y and threw up all over the ground

lezzed out at the club last night :)

yeah yeah sabrina’s great but when is mxmtoon coming to fortnite :/

wow scrolling on my phone is so fun!! i love swiping!!!

customer service workers (me) should be able to kill 30 customers a year for being rude

i better not see any landlords on some “oh but the tariffs” shit abt the rent bro

i asked for overtime and my boss approved it

i loveeeee staying late at work on a friday with sunny 65 degree weather bc i lose my $300 bonus unless I get one(1) more policy 🙃🔫

getting extra nether sauce with my mcdonald’s minecraft meal to take the edge off

spoken with too much haste :/ unlucky

walking to the food truck that has the lil red miata parked in a nearby store just for a dopamine hit

guys i honked in the tunnel going into portland and its lowkey a vibe

accidentally talked to myself in front of my neighbors, looks like i have to kill myself

huge things are happening in jamie world everyone watch out

being able to get into a car and drive to work is one of the best feelings in the whole world bro oh my god i’ve missed driving so much :”)

my landlord increasing my rent 100$ bc of reviewing my income is gonna make me go luigi mode

hay nada mas mejor que unas huaraches de pollo >:)

MIKU!!!!

more of my followers should be proud of me for this

cesarmaxxing by getting stabbed a bunch during march

rfk jr staring in horror as the unredacted files he's been seeking his whole life read "be sure to drink your ovaltine"

ass so fat you need to turn on anti aliasing

hot boxing with copium

get urself a girl who is diamond in Fortnite rocket racing

oh we are soo back

coming home from work and taking a nap and having the sun still be out when i wake up fills me with much happiness :3