From January, 1984. Peter Gillis must've been a psychic.

Ow my brain youtu.be/9kvnYyq8Cdg?...

I don't get the impetus behind off-brand Pop Tarts. Who is this for? A Pop Tart is already two degrees from being an edible shit. But no, we can narrow the gap further. We'll make it even turdier, but twenty cents cheaper. If Pop Tarts are straining the budget, just don't buy it. It's not worth it.

Hey so, hot Summer tip: If you've got one of those squeezy tube popsicles and you're pushing up the last bit of melt? Make sure the tube doesn't slip out of your mouth at the exact moment the popsicle syrup reaches the top or it'll be a real bad time.

That was the best stir fry I've ever made. In fact, I would call it the only good stir fry I've ever made. But it was so improvised, I don't think I could ever make it that way again.

Wow, that hot sauce came out of the squeeze bottle exactly like diarrhea. I'm not usually one for portents, but...

I wonder what's in these migraine pills that they can only give me 9 at a time when they unloaded 360 of the sleepy pills that knock me unconscious for 10 hours before I told them to stop.

It's pretty goddamn amazing that the entire fucking internet has absolutely no suggestions on why this dumbass TV can't connect to its own company's servers. Even the shitty Google AI is like "yes there is a TV by that name would you like to try a new query"

Bleh, it can't be a good sign when my head starts physically hurting because it's trying to generate enough detail for whatever dream I'm having.

In an issue where the Suicide Squad battles a wealthy Nazi scheming to incite race riots, Deadshot reminds us it's really only ever been about the class war. This came out in 1987. America is exactly the same and we're still too goddamn stupid to realize it. dc.fandom.com/wiki/Suicide...

Can't decide which comedy act is the worst, props, puppets, or an impressionist that does bad impressions.

Dammit yucky brown stuff on utensils, what is the dishwasher doing to you.

Good lord, I can't believe how Baldur's Gate 3 has gotten more broken after years of patches. Sometimes jumping snags and you just stop mid-air. Counterspell doesn't fucking do anything. Dice RNG fuck you over on consecutive rolls. None of this happened at launch. It's ridiculous.

Things with teeth are scary. Things that smile are not scary. But things that smile with no teeth go back to scary.

Vote Blue No Matter Who is death. As long as you think "any Democrat is better than a Republican", you're fucking yourself. People bullshit about "the primaries are where you see change!" Fuck you. Like a coward is going to risk an unknown challenger over an incumbent collaborator.

Um. What. This seems like an odd image to include on Wikipedia's page about weaving.

Whew, that 20 minutes of sleep last night is finally catching up to me now that it's... 1:30pm? Aw crap.

My usual Baldur's Gate 3 run is changing my class a bunch, getting to Act 2 before I realize I want to play a completely different character, then getting frustrated with all the stupid dice rolls and quitting. HOW DO YOU MISS AN 85% HIT CHANCE 3 TIMES IN A ROW?! MULTIPLE TIMES. IN THE SAME COMBAT.

It's Time To Come Together My column on why this is an opportunity for the parasitic trash infesting the Democratic Party to halt their explicit goal of undermining democracy in favor of corporate oligarchy and be our friends again.

Centrist Democrats: "We must oppose Progressives in our party harder than we ever have against the Republicans we've been helping turn the US into a fascist kleptocracy!" Goddamn Morons: "I don't agree with them, but if we don't Vote Blue No Matter Who, we'll just get Republicans."

People trying to review bomb the new Darktide DLC class because they have to level up a new character seems a bit much, even for Steam users.

I feel like there are a lot of shitty industries that would simply crumble up and die if all people did was stop participating in them, but somehow even doing nothing is too much to ask.

I think the ants' reputation for industriousness is overrated, when it's the spiders who deserve the real credit. They tirelessly create webs that benefit not only themselves, but society as a whole. Ants are for ants. Spiders are for all of us.

Another Baldur's Gate 3 playthrough, another bout of decision paralysis trying to settle on a class combo.

Do we really have to watch these fucking people bluster about "we'll never stop fighting for abortion rights!" When they never started fighting? A Democrat will never say "we'll win this fight!" Because they're not going to try. They're just going to suck donations out of you like a parasite.

Man, Marvel following the same cookie cutter formula for all their superhero movies is already bad, but the DC movies just trying to ape them is even worse.

There is no circumstance in which a raisin is preferable to a grape.

Every hit chance RNG in a video game ever has been complete garbage. It's never worked no matter how convoluted they make it. Imagine how much innovation the industry could've seen if they all hadn't simply copied D&D rules.

NOBODY likes Milhouse!!

A shoe without laces is a slipper.

Ugh, that Superman movie seemed not great.

Incredible how nearly impossible it is to deposit a damn check without a modern $500 phone.

I have no idea whether it's my laptop, my internet, or my browser that's making everything run like sticky baby poops, but frankly I'm too lazy to investigate the matter.

You should be able to sue and immediately win any time a company mails you a bunch of little stickers with your name and address printed on them.

If you think about it, a big shrimp is just a small curly lobster.

This rug... has absorbed a thousand generations of STINK It might be better if I burned it.

Here are all 113 alleged members we were able to successfully extract. This data can also be verified via versions of the site captured by the Wayback Machine, even if it doesn't properly render the website.

NEW: A trove of internal records from Dialog, the secret society cofounded by Peter Thiel, was left exposed online. WIRED obtained a second cache of records that reveal who's really attending, how they're screened, and what personal details they were promised would stay private.

I have a USB wi-fi dongle plugged into my laptop because the internal wi-fi seems to be crapping out, but neither can load basic images in under a minute despite Speedtest saying I've got 100 megabloops a second. Also I seem to have two wi-fi networks for some reason. Am I under attack?!

They need to start making modular laptops so if one part breaks, IT CAN STILL BE FIXED.

So far my cunning plan to strengthen my back by sitting in awkward positions for hours at a time has yielded a lot of lower back discomfort.

Challenges are how we grow.

This is a strong contender for new favorite series.

This dude is in flavor country.

I have no idea what's making modless Fallout 4 crash without fail before I can even get out of my prologue house, but I guess Bethesda games hate my PC. Which is not exactly much of a loss, but it's still annoying.

Day 3 of the heatwave: It's hot.

Getting out of the shower sweaty is some bullshit.

I'm probably missing something, but why don't game installations include the shaders before I launch it.

What if you made tuna with melted marshmallows instead of mayonnaise.