For those too young to know, Old Gray Mare was what they had back then instead of Baby Shark. youtu.be/Ae-u2AG32YU?...

We never got to learn what line of work that guy hasn't been in for the last eight months. youtu.be/_pwSiY6NpkQ?...

I have a can of carbonated water and some coffee-flavor syrup that's giving me ideas.

That was the first and quite possibly the last time I've seen a man perform Shakespeare while nearly choking on his neck tie. youtu.be/uvCFpE73h0A?...

It's too foggy to see across the street today, but this dumbass was driving on the highway in the opposite lane with his headlights off to pass some other cars.

They're always putting hazelnuts in chocolate, but I'd probably take even a peanut over one. Hazelnuts are kind of just there.

If I eat something spicy then chase it down by drinking something hot, my mouth gets really mad.

You know how sometimes a beverage is too hot to drink but still tolerable to be gently slurped, but then you have to stop and breathe before you swallow and it burns the inside of your mouth in the meantime? Anyway, ow.

Crazy how many famous authors were able to become full-time writers from the money they won on this show. I think it was two or three, but where else did it happen even once? youtu.be/xrnzDMbFHkY?...

Oh god, sawing apart even thin branches is a gigantic pain in the ass when you suck.

Day 4: Both email accounts continue to lock me out despite correctly entering my passwords. They each insist I enter the verification code sent to the other. There is no escape from this loop. There are no humans left.

Dropping that board on my foot months ago has allowed me to track how fast my toenails grow by following the line of blackness that was my existential pain gradually traveling upward.

What exactly would the sock suspenders be suspended from? youtu.be/dxjHhbnP4Dw?...

Damn brain thing that makes words disappear from my sentences. It's worse than typos!

Day 3: Both email accounts still require verification codes sent to each other. There is no other option for account recovery. Blood pressure, rising.

Aw man, Lloyd Kino seemed like he would've been funny. youtu.be/LTGtUWuXvj4?...

Blegh, stirring an egg into my chili sauce only made it kind of grainy.

In which I stumble into inventing a simplified version of the Vigenere cipher without knowing ciphers even had names. My head hurts.

Whipple sounds like something you would make out of marshmallow fluff and pineapple.

Now that's a duck you couldn't show on television nowadays. That second guy was way more impressive than the lead-up suggested. youtu.be/MBQgFK-cpGo?...

I like how Gmail says "we need to make sure it's you! Enter another email address or try another way!" Then you "try another way" and it asks for another email address.

Stinky cat used the litter box twice and drank half a bowl of water to get out of his morning pill.

Was this the first diss track to be broadcast on television? That style of music should make a comeback. youtu.be/3CE5XH9AGow?...

What the hell was that youtu.be/wpr6ZEDE2ZM?...

I had some dreams, there were clowns in my coffee CLOWNS in my COFFEE AAAH!!

Wasted way too much time on that stuffy guy. How's he ever going to make it in this business if he can't take it?! youtu.be/XtRM-bVU7Vc?...

Why don't they make cola gum, but good.

Why does Bluesky keep suggesting I follow some naked guy asking for coffee? Which one of you is behind this.

That's an odd survey, asking men and women if they would like the wife to serve the husband, but not the other way round. youtu.be/8mMTqzUUCZ0?...

You know what, I think I stepped in dog shit yesterday and didn't smell it on my shoe until now.

The presence of a safety cone has never made me feel safe. Not once.

If Bluesky has no algorithm, why do I have to click "show more posts" when I've disabled every option for content moderation?

Gmail decided I had to complete a CAPTCHA to sign in, despite still having cookies stored, so it presents me with this jumble of symbols in no alphabet I recognize. It had an audio option, so I clicked it, and what came out can only be described as the whisperings of Chaos designed to drive men mad

The Democratic Party's official Bluesky account is talking about meat prices and posting "lol treason" memes while citizens in Minneapolis are being flashbanged, gassed, and shot. Just to keep things in perspective.

That first guy was such a crook, they should've given the lady an extra hundred. youtu.be/JCYfery4Q0I?...

There being different levels of steam makes recipes about cooking stuff with it really unwieldy. You're describing a sweaty oven and I don't know how to accommodate that.

Finally, a real star contestant. I wanted to hear Snagglepuss. youtu.be/EPPaFZclOTk?...

Why aren't pogo sticks more popular.

I don't think I've ever read Dobert, so whatever.

It's political correctness GONE MAD! youtu.be/WB5I3WuA8Zs?...

What are you supposed to do if only one slipper wears out. You can't just throw the good one away, but you can't wear it, either.

Hey look, it's the astroturfed "No Kings" group encouraging people to demand members of Congress "withhold their votes from any bill that would add to ICE's already massive budget." That would ADD? Which means, to maintain their current budget that rivals militaries. indivisible.org/ice-out-senate

Realistically, Detective Conan can't continue longer than another 20 years, right? What if he never gets big again

Your occasional reminder that the goal of Centrism or "moderates" is two parties of Republicans. Whether that means appealing to conservatives or disenfranchising liberals, they win.

The cat is in the cupboard. I repeat, the cat is in the cupboard. He is in with the pots and pans. Anything can happen from this point.

I would've liked to hear more from the first couple. youtu.be/xT4FrbPfTLk?...

I keep forgetting that "a spoonful of dough" is not an accurate measurement that will make any subsequent cooking times utterly worthless AND NOW MY COOKIES ARE BURNT

I have this idea for a stew cube.

May be the first time Groucho met somebody telling older jokes than his own. youtu.be/OcjQLArEDYU?...

Total War games have too much shit on the screen to justify a new UI for every iteration. I really don't want to sit there staring at icons for hours just to figure out what the stats do. Even if the windows and framing look different, information should be conveyed the same way across titles.