Anything is a gun if you're cop enough.

My belly button is glued shut and all I can think about is pulling the plug. The plug of glue. I'm not on life support. Just impulsive.

So... we say the KKK wears 'hoods' or 'sheets' but like.. we know the kkk loves naming things with 'k' when they can and anyway.. I think it could hurt their feelings if we start calling them Klu Klux Kostumes. (And even if it doesn't it's still funnier to me.)

In a boob-limbo-- a bimbo, if you will. I haven't worn a bra all day, and I kind of want the support now, but it's evening time, when I'm typically bra-less at home.. so I don't want to wear a bra.. however, I feel the support would give me a much needed break. Then again, I'm winding down..

the united states is 249 years old, but donald trump is raping it like it's 15.

"Cats are so weird," I mumble as I watch them react to drugs I buy for them. The drugs I dose them with for MY entertainment. Cheap, laced with silvernip guaranteed to induce 'zoomies' purchased in bulk from the big box store. The same place I buy sand for the poop collection of theirs I keep.

I dare democrats in office to start doing health challenges against the GOP. Fuck it. DOUBLE DARE.

“The 3.5% rule is a concept in political science that states that when 3.5% of the population of a country protest nonviolently against a government, that government is likely to fall from power.” If you can get to a No Kings rally this Saturday, please do.

Me: Instead of saying waited with bated breath we could just say, "waited, bated." Me but 2 seconds smarter: Nope. Nevermind.

Call me crazy but is it weird or wild to any of y'all that things the maga cult are attacking, abortion-ivf, and circumcision namely.. are sources of stem cells?

Rural Northern Missouri will be well represented on No Kings day.

Only took me 24hrs to realize mystery bruise on my lip probably has something to do with being intubated yesterday...

Think about the disposable income you have to have to buy a bomb shelter. Nothing like a strong middle class, amirite?

Do i have important things to do? Yes. Did I spend 20min pranking patriot mobile asking if the phone is the gun or does it come with a gun? No, I had to switch it up to keep the salesperson on the line for that long.

Is it just me or is social media EXTRA flooded with weightloss ads this week?

I dare Bernie Sanders to kill Trump. Double dare.

Is it just me or did you ever notice a group of ND people just get things done. Put one NT in the group and suddenly there are meetings, discussions, planning, yet nothing ever gets done?

Who needs to hear that after the gov shuts down, and fed employees get laid off... when they do vote and pass a budget and get back to work; they get BACK PAY. So a shut down is a paid vacay for those who can weather the short term loss, and absolutely disruptive to anyone living check to check.

My favorite thing about wearing 4" heels is being eye level with dudes who say they're 6'. I'm 5'6".

Men will trust soft and strong toilet paper to clean up their shit, but then deny that woman can be both and do the same?

Riddle me this: When I talk to *any* dr about removing my ovaries they're quick to tell me that might cause bone density loss.. then recommend anti-depressants for PMDD management. Anti-depressants cause bone density loss...

**uncomfortable squirming**

Floating better names for ADHD: Attention, Disorganization, and Hypersensitivity Disorder

Remember: the key to successful Halloween decorations is only scaring people who WANT to be scared.

I'm actually the CEO and CFO of ANTIFA. I brokered a deal with god to stop the rapture.

I love when my girls lay like this so I can annoy them both at the same time. Saves me quite a bit of trouble.

Have we considered manufacturing the rapture? We do have a LOT of *secret* places to put people with terrible record keeping...

Cool. Been home for less thann 24hrs and already I've missed an appt I swear I scheduled for tomorrow and for some reason the bank has decided I no longer live at my address. I hate it here.

Saks 5th Avenue can charge you a thousand dollars for a T-shirt.. but not afford bathroom repairs? (Frankly there's sloppy work all over the store).. hmmmm.

So let's review everything I know about Jimmy kimmel this week. He had a proudly Black Ghanian Queer musical artist on his show.. then he said something not positive about Charlie Kirk.. now he's getting quieted? Hmmm. I said HMMM.

I want to lay down so bad but it's a trick. It'll just trigger an hour long (or longer) coughing fit. Lort. Can we please just fix climate change?

Time for my early morning got woke up by coughing, can't sleep post. I cant sleep. I'm so tired. Im tired of googling the same things and trying things for relief that don't do enough.

Dear Anti-racist Friends, Reminder that even IF authorities do a full investigation and rule Trey Reed's death as a suicide, not the lynching it appears to be, it is NOT THE SAME THING as the right assuming ANY shooter was trans, muslim, leftist, etc. Yours view supported by history and stats.

Unhinged people with lots of gun feel unsafe because of hippies, scientists, and artists who would like healthcare.

Waiting for the condemnation of the extreme right... lol, jk. I'm not that kibd of crazy.

Remember that REM hit "I dont sleep, I wheeze"?

It's 3:33 and I still haven't stopped wheezing since 10p.. cool

Sometimes the thing needs to get done, even when it's unpleasant.

It's disturbing the number of times I sigh and gemini opens up. (I have never used gemini on purpose, unfortunately I can't turn it off).

How many teacher's union members have committed massacres again?

🚨NEED YOUR HELP: The public is allowed to REGISTER during ACIP (federal vaccine committees) meetings to provide FEEDBACK on vaccinations. YOU can PERSONALLY TELL anti-vaxxer RFK Jr., & his CRONIES: WE WANT OUR VACCINES! PLEASE fill out THE FORM IN THE LINK AND REPOST!🚨 www2.cdc.gov/vaccines/aci...

Did he rename the DoD so he could talk positively about the DOW? Or at least be slightly more confusing to people who don't understand things in the first place?

Slab club. **Giggles in motorcyclist**

Yes.

I wonder if and when I'll actually get up to check my calendar to see if I have anything today. (Rather than assuming I do not.)

2 days ago I dropped my toothpaste lid near the toilet; I'm almost out of toothpaste so, I didn't immediately pick it up and wash every square mm so I could continue to use it, but I'm not sure I have the grit to go on even for 1 more day w/o a lid on my toothpaste. How do people live like that?

Tell me why my dr just told me that in 17 yrs of being a dr he's never had anyone win an appeal for PT.. WITH ANY INSURANCE CO.

I heard it's bully Bezos day. Bezos is trash. Billionaires shouldn't exist. No one is rich if they have the power to make the world a better place and choose not to.

What if we trick the MAGA gun nuts into donating their guns to what sounds like a right wing cause but is really a leftist militia? "Americans need YOUR guns to exercise our 2nd amendment rights! Donate your firearms to fight against government overreach TODAY!" Just a thought.

The hold music IS to make you mad.