yapping into the void open.substack.com/pub/samantha...

created a substack account and i didn't think i was going to write anything on it. but, here i am rehashing RICC 2022 and writing a love letter to being a fangirl so, i guess this is happening.

poses to hit at any upcoming cons

a little before and after… progress has taken a lot of time but I’m so proud of myself!

happy #padurday 🩷✨ reflecting and feeling grateful for all I’ve been able to experience

i have something career/dream-wise that in recent weeks has been calling to me more than it ever has and i think this is the year i start chasing after it

love seeing things like this and having a Totally Normal reaction www.tiktok.com/@madiimou/vi...

something else I learned over the weekend was that what I suspected was the intent behind this op was in fact, what I thought it was before I gaslit myself into thinking it wasn’t. and I’ve just been Sitting with that information 😭❤️

i have something i want to comment on just as an observation from this weekend but, it truly just isn't worth my energy anymore

twitter is such a horrid place.. I’m done lmao. like, not one bit surprised that we’re spreading hate to someone who was physically unable to travel due an injury and to all of his fans who are bummed about it as well.

CE staff telling me they’re sorry jared cancelled 😭

it’s bleaker than it’s ever been but I’m cute and I’ve lost a bunch of weight so yay let’s celebrate that!

how early is too early to start packing for the con?

going to hit another big weight loss goal before this weekend... i am so happy, y'all 🩷

in case you were wondering where I stand on the state of the world

don’t know what’s going on this morning but she just wants to hold hands 😭🩷

at a weight I haven’t been since freaking 2018 😭😭 I’ve got a ways to go til I hit my big goal but 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

going to a work event tonight, feeling really good 🩷

weight loss journey update: 65 pounds down and this shirt is a tent

finding out that my ex friend has been avoiding people we both were close with and texting others to ask if i told them about what happened has just... sent me. like, it was her choice to end our friendship. you don't get to check in on me after you blocked me, dude.

if you have to stop talking to our friends bc you're worried i'm going to tell them about your behavior, then clearly i'm not the one in the wrong lol. i love being quiet and minding my business goodness gracious.

have to say having less screen time and more time reading + spent outside has been a real game changer for my mental health since last summer

the reading bug has a firm hold on me right now… added these to my collection today

I was already feeling a little anxious this morning (may or may not have gotten worked up over hearing that Jared is hurt…) then my morning at work was really stressful and overstimulating and I broke out in hives 😭 I’m fine now I went for a walk and also took some meds but woof happy monday!

read a little bit of funny story after finishing people we meet on vacation 😭 i feel like high school me. i haven't read 3 books in one weekend in ages

and what if I scream

in full bookworm mode this weekend… finished the let them theory like 2 hours ago and immediately jumped in to people we meet on vacation

fucking incredible

and as always, I am grateful for another year of seeing this dude and being on the receiving end of his literal bone-crushing hugs

this year for me was about shedding things. (toxic people, bad habits, weight, etc.) the person i have found on the other side of the last 6 months has become my favorite version of myself. i would do it all again to get to this place of self love ❤️

a side by side and it's me in may of 2024 crying on my bed after reading jared's instagram post about walker vs me this past saturday doing a victory lap around my uncle's kitchen when i saw the boys trailer

didn't realize how much i missed seeing jared in a cowboy hat 😭

i'm calm

omg hey jack stapleton!

i did acquire them and a jared op for norfolk so stay tuned lol (the pink pony club ones are obviously not for me 🤭)

bro.

having an idea for an op in norfolk

elaborating just a tiny bit on this, there was a situation a year ago with someone at a CE con and i had to contact the higher ups about it and it was handled. i didn't think he knew about it at all but, he very sweetly told me he has my back amongst some other stuff.

and also what it did to my ego after, "you don't see what I see. you're NOT his friend, you're just a FAN." to hear, "I fuckin missed you."

I’m just reflecting on this past weekend and I just want to say I no longer have space in my life for people who pose their jealousy as fake concern. the fall out that happened in june this year had me doubting so much that I almost started to believe it

my first and last jared ops of the year tho 😇

I simply… cannot 🤦🏻‍♀️

just realized it's been 3 years since this day of my life

told myself i was going to cut back on cons and then jared padalecki had the audacity to tell me to my face that he missed me

help 😭❤️ #spnnash

don’t want to alarm anyone but I just hugged jared for like 3 years and I smell like his cologne now 🤣🤣🤣

“Do whatever you want, Jared.” “I’m just gonna hug you cause I fuckin missed you.” bro 🥹😭❤️ #spnnash

fully realized from my interaction with jared yesterday and what was said to me that he might know about something I didn’t think he knew about. I had a suspicion in boston but yesterday confirmed it for me

forgive me for being messy but it was quite funny to watch someone scurry away from me every time they came close to the vicinity I was in like I got a good chuckle from that