RIP to this nerd, his H.P. reached 0 :(

You got me wrapped around your donger. Dyuhav2letitlonger

I am at a restaurant. Yum yum.

I'm a digital phr34k. Not no analog bytch. EPA tested the air quality around the world and fucking rejoiced. It's caked with my radio waves. Do U even kno how fibre optics work?

"Do not fear, I am wetting the affected areas." (proper firefighter saying) "Chill out. I'm wettin' it." (fake, sexier Hollywood version)

Can it wait? I'm re-crangling the central borgletron switchboard (Sci fi joke)

Yooo, I bought one of these in 2010. It chews the coins down with haunting motion.

Everyone always talks about how Space Jam made a generation of furries by sexualizing the lady bunny. When are we going to talk about the Wayne Knight inflation fetish scene?

The foreskin should be renamed the veinguard (veiny vanguard) (shout-out @diisastriid.bsky.social for always reminding me that "vanguard" means in front)

made my grease more pronounced

ALERT!! If you are reading this, damn it's great that you exist.

Two Sentence Horror: She breasted boobily as she stared at the bulging package. A man placed a sticker on it that read: "DATE OF BUTCHER: TODAY!!!" (The horror is that it was not the SEXY breasts u were thinking of 😱👻)

the ups uniform is the paper lunchbag of the human labor spirit

Whoever just assassinated Mr. Mouth, know that it was completely unnecessary. That won't stop the "All Star" mashups. They don't stop coming, and they don't stop coming, and they don't stop coming, and they

Scrambling to find a salt-shaker while surrounded by endless amounts of sea salt. Jimmy wrote an apt analogy of the bizarre scale of wealth inequality here on Earth. May he escape this fragile fool's game in paradise.

Jimmy Buffet got owned

Went to Dunkin at 6PM and got my beans and creams.

Austin's Powers

Careful with Those Eggs, Eugene