Just received a txt message from a random mobile phone number saying that it was my Dad just testing out the new SIM card he’s received. What I want to know is which mobile phone operator is delivering that good a signal six feet under Braddan Cemetary.

Happy ‘Jeremy Clarkson exam failures’ tweet to all who celebrate this tedious advice annually. 🥳🍾🎉🍻

Someone needs to replace Rod Stewart’s mic. The one he’s using now seems to be badly out of tune.

“Hey, we need to install a yank as Pope. You need to, how can I put this, clear off.”

Dear Elon, My five achievements from last week; - posted several abusive statements about Orange Shitler - posted a horrible insult about Steve Bannon - posted an appalling slur about DOGE - posted something funny and abusive about the Tories - posted several slanderous accusations about you.

I’ve been on Facebook for quite a long time, just to keep track of all my old friends. Concerned about Zuck dropping his pants for Shitler, but thought I’d stay with it for a bit. Just been on and every other article in my timeline is false articles praising Musk, RFK jr., etc. Bye bye Zuck.

Since upgrading my device to one that uses facial recognition, I’ve been losing more and more sleep worrying over the possibility that Brad Pitt might now be able to hack into my phone.