Bogus Payout Pot for Punks™️

“So that’s the peace deal that I totally won and should get a peace prize for but the woke Nobel committee is run by radical leftists and so now if you’ll just sign this NDA…”

I’m really going to need the Colorado Avalanche to get their shit together

If you put a New Driver magnet on your car you can do whatever the fuck you want *not legal driving advice*

If we had had cell phones in the ‘80s we would have 100% held them up at concerts like idiots Let’s not act like we were all that precious (also, we would’ve gone to jail if all the shit we did got filmed 🤫)

I still have the Chevy Citation commercial jingle in my head from 1979 How is that in ANY way useful, other than for a Bluesky post? 🎶 “It’s the first Chevy of the ‘80s” “Chevy Citaaaaaaaaaaaation!” 🎶 youtu.be/rnx4bWXbMMw?...

In terms of chicken places, Nando’s Peri-Peri is the most fun to say

Oh, good The “I was in the hotel room, but didn’t sexually assault the woman, as far as you know” hockey team won again Let’s go, anyone else 🤦‍♂️ #NHL #StanleyCup #Embarassment

THEY posted this 😆

The good thing about the upcoming pandemic is that you’ll KNOW who has Ebola The bad thing is hemorrhagic fever

It’s especially pathetic because Don Jr. went to Trump’s second wedding

Ugh, fine 🙄 I’ll be Director of National Intelligence

not even going to his son’s wedding

Wow, the #USMNT gear on Fanatics is… well it’s clothing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I mean, on the one hand it’s good that Republicans have figured out that reparations are a thing On the other hand… 🤦‍♂️

Once again, I beg of you 🙏

This one time Alexi Lalas came in 4th in the Copa America (please clap) Dude got a haircut and now thinks every word he speaks is profound I think I speak for the entire US soccer community when I say, foh 🙄 #douche www.foxnews.com/sports/alexi...

More exhausting Billionaire Boss Nonsense™️ this week I swear I should write a book, but these mfers have lawyers on lawyers on lawyers Suffice to say being good at one thing doesn’t make you good at all things rinse repeat

*refuses to watch CBS even harder*

I need a black suit and pork pie hat for this Friday morning Two Tone dance party 🕺 There’s something about the vibe of this era that is transcendent- even if Jake Peralta ultimately turned his back on Ska, I have not #coolcoolcool

People get ready, you got to do rocksteady Uh huh, uh huh People get ready, you got to do rocksteady Uh huh, uh huh Do rocksteady, do rocksteady Uh huh, uh huh *just doing rocksteady like crazy* The Bodysnatchers 1980 Rhoda Dakar 🙌 youtu.be/2JicW0JeiSQ?...

So now all that’s left on CBS is reality shows and copaganda?

Colbert should have come out with all of the Emmys he and his shows have ever won, since we know Trump wanted one, just one, so badly 🏆 Here he is, “enjoying” his moment at the Emmys in 2005

Starting the day right with Two-Tone classics on #vinyl starting with The Selecter and the incomparable Pauline Black Too Much Pressure! 🤘😎🤘

Wait How did the ballroom go from 200 million to 1 billion? Did they hire my home reno guy too?

Just watching PWHL content all day Maybe crying a little Shut up

Throwback to the #PWHL Takeover Tour stop in DC Here are Marie-Philip Poulin’s sticks 😊 😊 😊 😊

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, JOHN??

Degens up north might disagree there, Bud

(please don’t repost 60 things in a row - it fucks my Skyline 🙏)

VICTOIRE!! 🏒 🥅 🏆

#PWHL: Victoire #PMHL: Avs Allez! Allez!

One of the best historical/cultural tweets, and I wish I could find the original for attribution, was… “Why are MAGA Republicans mad that the new Little Mermaid is Black, when she’s clearly three-fifths of a person?” On The Nose

If one of the richest men in the history of the world thinks taxing HIM won’t help teachers, I can’t imagine why I bother paying taxes at all

Do not take work calls when you’re driving - none of this is that serious

Guys, you’re not gonna fucking believe the deal I just found on t-shirts!!!

Is there any chance we can get Musk and Zuckerberg to fight for real this time?

Remember when there was a spaceship going around the moon and for 8 days we all felt something?

What I want my next electric car to look like

Was told at work that we need to START DOING AI NOW!!! How, I asked? JUST START!! Start what? DOING AI!!! Any procedures, processes, safeguards? DO AI!!! Okay but this is a HIGHLY-regulated industry AI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am only lightly paraphrasing here - it’s unbelievably irresponsible

You know what, let the robots take over I’m sick of this shit What are they going to do, make us broke and put us in camps?

Objection!

Maybe getting pretentious men to read the book was the Infinite Jest all along

RIP, Humpty Hump I tried

Whether you’re a #PWHL or #PMHL fan, you have to admit that the professional hockey playoffs have thus far been very entertaining

Reading Crime and Punishment (please clap) and basically everyone in every novel written in the 1800s was, at some point, feverish Raskolnikov has been for 54 pages so far

The Sheep Detectives is good clean fun May have cried Shut up

Drop the mitts and check your fits It’s a #PWHL WALTER CUP FINALS GAMEDAY!! Allez! Allez! Allez! Allez Victoire!!

We could’ve had taco trucks on every corner, assholes