American citizens are being picked off one by one at random by armed goons and the president is rage posting about NFL rule changes and his under-appreciated $500 million gilded McDonald’s play place.

I bet he gets his name etched over hers on the Nobel medal by the weekend.

To every American who is upset by non-Americans giving you shit: Imagine your grandfather every day getting up in the morning, getting into his truck with a bottle of whiskey, and driving around your property, running over your pets and/or livestock, and generally destroying everything you own…

The Sopranos (1999)

Nothing says this order is final and conclusive more than a social media post saying that this order is final and conclusive.

Yeah or, “The Guy You Barely Remember Mostly Because Of His Ex,” whichever you think is best.

Two colons in one sentence is a flex and I just want it to be noticed and appreciated.

Getting prisoners released and then immediately threatening them sends a confusing message.

If you told me this was a hologram I think I’d believe you. How is this lighting even possible?

How long til Chuck Schumer tells us how troubled he is by all of this?

It’s almost like years of thoughtless interaction on arbitrary social media platforms has forced a reversion to moral reflex with, at most, a simple heuristic of: “Who said this and what about it should I be defending/attacking?” But I wonder if we even put that much thought into it?

On the plus side we’ll probably get Team America: World Police 2 out of this.

What if they thought it was like chess where once you get the king the game is over and are only now realizing that that is not, in fact, what it’s like.

Shouldn’t the question be, “Support For Setting The Precedent That Anyone Can Just Sneak Into A Country and Kidnap A Sitting Political Leader And Steal All The Country’s Assets?”

Damn he was right.

I bet he was jealous about the burger.

To everyone who thought 2026 had a chance: We’re 2+ days in and we have journalists quoting Grok as if it’s a person and the US kidnapping the president of Venezuela. Better luck next year.

Mentioning her age and not his is…a choice. www.nytimes.com/2025/12/26/u...

Yeah I think you were watching a different fight my guy.

A question I ask myself every year around this time: “How masochistic is it to be 72 hours into a 1000 piece puzzle and separate two pieces you find that were connected before you started because it would feel wrong to take credit for only connecting 999 pieces?”

Holy projection, Batman.

Blows my mind how many tech CEOs desire name recognition and to be front and center with the media, yet every time they talk they inevitably end up digging a hole they'll never get out of. www.nytimes.com/2025/11/21/p...

Moonraker was a bat shit Bond book/film but Ian Fleming almost nailed the Elon character. Only thing he missed was the crippling insecurity.

Shot. Chaser.

Exhibit A: youtu.be/C-u5WLJ9Yk4

Zero notes.

Anybody else feeling the deprivation of nearly 24 hours without new Nuzzi carnage?

Quick reminder that military cosplayers are roaming the country like bands of raiders with the singular goal of terrorizing anyone who isn’t white.

Please, Sir, tell us more about this normal life you lead.

This chart has more misleading elements in it than it does data points.

If anyone knew where she was, Melania, I’m sure, could confirm.

It is quite something to watch Trump blatantly steal $230 million from taxpayers, demolish the White House to turn it into his castle and murde foreign nationals on a whim, meanwhile we’re arguing whether or not his employee’s Nazi tattoo is a dealbreaker.

MAGA’s superpower is 100% commitment to the bit.

The AFC North: “Anything can happen if you believe in magic!” The AFC East: “Haha just kidding.”

I don't know what it is about this photo that gets me...but I think this is the winner. gizmodo.com/nycc-2025-co...

I am almost positive that this is the best thing Kanye West has ever been a part of. youtu.be/wScYn10D2vo?...

Nothing seems more 2025 than a potential civil war and ultra high-end strollers getting nearly equal billing on the NYT landing page.

The great irony here is that this despicable clown character only exists because Americans were bored of peace.

Seems like a significant step towards complete control over what people are allowed to say in public. Not difficult to imagine mass arrests at protests in the near future.

Little do the National Guard know that once dispatched to the PNW their singular duty will be to rake leaves. www.wweek.com/news/city/20...

Ah, you want to know more about Epstein? Well here’s everything we have on Amelia Earhart. We good? www.nytimes.com/2025/09/26/u...

Countdown to the announcement that Truth Social is merging with TikTok and kids start seeing Trump propaganda littered in with their usual feed.

Yeah I’ll bet he did.

When you ordered fries and they bring a salad.

I bet Microhard is what Melania calls Donald in her WhatsApp groups.

Didn’t peg Trump for a Pumpkin Spice guy but I guess I was wrong.

This feels like exhibit a for why *all of this* is happening. Vaguely well meaning whites who can’t imagine what it must be like for non-white people in America.

I think they spelled, “a critical time in our merger negotiations,” wrong.

I'm imagining Hasan Piker assembling thousands of college liberals in an outdoor amphitheatre and having MAGA classmates ask him questions while the crowd cackles hysterically as Hasan condescends to them and boos until they slink away.

I wonder if Camus ever wrote about the existential experience and wandering journey of self discovery that is the maintenance of your iPhone browser tabs.