My friends are beautiful

I’m spilling the beans. I keep spilling my beans. They’re getting dirty…

I love milk! 😄

Just ate some food I found outside. It was warm and brought me great pleasure

I love Tylenol because it makes my brain feel good after I finish my math homework. The Tylenol is the incentive to get my worksheet done

I smell like Will

Some food is salty, some is sweet. But sometimes, a fella like me could go for something bitter and nasty

Eating my favorite meat today #blessed

I almost wet the bed last night. I had a dream I was entered into a peeing contest at the state fair. My saving grace was the large crowd of people who came to watch. I couldn’t urinate with that kind of pressure, even in a dream.

I love the smell of social media. It smells beautiful

Spending time alone with my computer. This thing can handle so many websites it’s unbelievable

My favorite food? It’s butter. I love the sweet and salty creaminess my tongue feels when I pop a stick of that stuff in my mouth. Butter can only be improved by increasing the amount you have

I love the way my wife smells.

I’m inventing new ways to have fun! I’ve recently discovered that certain parts of my body are able to bring me immense joy

I counted to 100 today. I could count higher if I wanted to, but I got bored

Sunday night. Which means I get to wake up early tomorrow and have a great day of interacting with all my favorite coworkers

Just took a shower purely for the joy of having a clean body

I have the gift that’s allows me access to solving the Rubik’s cube. You have to be born with the gift, and I was one of the lucky few. None of my friends have this gift but I love them anyway

I can’t shake this sinking feeling that everything is going to be okay in the end

I had a dream last night that everyone loved you. I woke up and it was real

Everyone is using my favorite toilet right now. I will just have to wait.

I still pay with coins. Anyone else still bring a bag of coins to the used car dealerships?

Trolling my neighbors online with a scheme that’s sure to rile them up

Pouring a collection of chemicals I found into a jug while waiting for my food at Burger King

I love putting lotion on it

Fans, please send me your hairbrushes! I love owning my fans’ hairbrushes

I love all the plants and critters on this wonderful planet. I love water and chocolate

Eating the kind of food that makes me smile 😄

I would love to have my cake and eat it too. Eating is one of my favorite things to do to a cake

My memory foam mattress never forgets my body

Having a wet meal with a dry water

is it back already

goodnight sweet prince

I picked out my gravesite today. I almost can’t wait to die because I picked the perfect spot. Lol. But seriously, life is beautiful and all life is sacred

My doctor says my body is as healthy as it’s gonna get! I’m celebrating with a jar of delicious food

I’m starting my day right: by eating fruit and dairy and remembering to smile

I’m very similar to a flower or beautiful animal

There’s a new car coming this year

My nose is bleeding on the toilet at work

I love my warm bed. I lay down next to my wife and dream about my wife

I just peed for a long time. One minute 46 seconds. Anyone able to go longer? 😄

Watch roast beef come to life in this magical upcoming film you’re sure to enjoy with the whole family

I’m sealing myself in an emerald tomb

My computer told me a great joke today

I made a wish that my birthday is the best birthday ever! That’s my wish!

Doing everything in my power to have a good time and have fun

If you ever find yourself in prison, try asking one of the prison guards to let you out. If you’re nice enough, they should let you out, no problem at all. Every guard I’ve talked to has been really nice and they apparently do this a lot.

I can do nearly anything if I try really hard

My tin of mixed nuts and candies is running low. What should I do

I need to go on a trip immediately