'Groypers' is the name for when your pants go up your bum.

Ruin a book by adding "Tom Clancy's" to the title Tom Clancy's Somatic Exercises For Dummies

It's a yes from me

"Last Night a DJ saved my life" - InDeep (Michael Cleveland) A song about a local disc-jockey who'd completed a St. John's Ambulance course.

Holidone. #zante

Got called cuntish, and blocked for enjoying cold custard. If this offends you also, please unlike and nonscribe.

Out for a bike ride, it's horrible, had to stop at Drusilla's Inn for a pint, there's a brass band rehearsing Madness covers. #dorset

Me (2 weeks ago): I've learned some valuable lessons about not creating a monolithic game file, I should refactor my codebase into dedicated managers and subordinates. Me (now): Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkk off!

Get this man on a bed of Macaroni Cheese #idrlabs #foodtest

My gf just ordered me outside to fart, I shouted "I have rights, have you not read the Magna Farta". I think she might leave me.

A guy (late 50's) at the gym said he "boffed" Will Young's sister and I cringed so hard I got a hernia.

I'm amazed Guy Ritchie has never done one of his caper movies set at Christmas called 'Mint Spy'

Caught myself balancing my tablet between my gut and desk whilst checking a web build between devices... Now at the gym.

This guy is an absolute balloon, which has been apparent for a long time, but refusing to help people in the face of fascist genocide in the name of moral virtue on the record is pretty incredible. It shows up the blinkered perspective of the pious pretty starkly.

Found a place that'll sell you an outdoors, grass fed plantation owner.

Christchurch food festival, or as it is about to be known, Christchurch fart festival

Mother in law (Farage fan, Daily Mail reader) received 2 life saving operations recently says "NHS not fit for purpose and should be disbanded" after cosmetic surgery gets pushed back.

As I put the finishing touches on my homemade presentation box, replete with a tassled velvet cushion, my son turns to me and says "Wow dad, what an absolute grit show"

Currently making a text adventure game with card battle mechanics, investigation mechanics and a few mini-games in Lua. I am not organised enough for this.

Genuinely can't believe that serial twerp, rabble-rouser and GB News sex pest Grimes has been elected as a councillor. What's wrong, Durham County?

Discovered a barn find in Waitrose car park: in the interest of public safety I have cleaned the windscreen.

Beethoven as Blofeld's cat in From Russia with Love

My cat says "Fuck you", and he is correct

Delight your friends named Peter by telling them that their name is the French intransitive verb to fart. je pète tu pètes il/elle pète

Watch me talk to a room full of people called Tanya on OnlyTans

I held a fart in whilst purchasing a sandwich from my local independent coffeeshop.

I got a new plant for the office

Former Tory MP among 15 charged over bets on timing of 2024 UK election www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025...

What I like most about government websites is how they were designed by Helen Keller and built by someone who's never used a website. Good work, gang.

If you see this quote with the energy you bring to Bluesky

Me eating a tub of real dairy ice cream knowing full well I am lactose intolerant

So many contenders for this. For now I'll go with Rotterdam (or anywhere) by The Beautiful South.

I might half-Bake my own esoteric moral reality and label things that I don't like as evil. Getting older (evil), lactose intolerance (evil), roadworks at the end of the financial year (evil)

Bile duct chatter on the family WhatsApp, and so close to dinner... Hovers over the leave group button.

"Everton are certainly getting enough balls into the box, but are having no joy" yeah, try putting the penis in mate

I'm the only one in the office right now. What's the betting that as soon as I let off a gale force 10 underpant remover that smells like a poorly run abattoir in a hot country, that someone walks through the door?

Had a halftime beer and now Friday afternoon doesn't even exist

🎵These are a few of my favourite things🎵

@profanity.accountant hi. Shit.

Rare date night tonight; free babysitters, dinner, comedian, hotel for the night.

Was looking for some novelty slippers for a gift... Anyways, I present dick slippers, an actual product.

"I am the eggman... I am the walrus"

My favourite bit of AI is when your email client says "You mentioned an attachment but there isn't anything attached; would you like to do so?" Yes, thanks for stopping me look like an idiot.

I'm into car culture now

This season is shaping up to be the send off that Goodison Park deserves. #Everton

People used to ignore me at parties until I glued half a horse to my backside, now I'm the centaur of attention

I found my porn name

I sneezed and put my back out. What's next? A hiccup leaves me with locked-in syndrome? #40s

When there's cheese in the fridge, I become distracted to the point of uselessness - send help* *Comte

World's biggest micropenis. World's tallest dwarf. World's smartest idiot.