Famous first lines with joke follow up 2nd line. You set them up Bill and I'll knock em down. #books

Let someone else get a word in Chuck. Great first lines,not great joke second lines. #books

Famous first lines ruined by joke second line. These witches could see the future innit. #books

There she blows! ...A famous first line spoiled by a joke second line.

Hold on to your bonnets. Famous first lines with a new joke second line. #books

Funeral music choice made. Atmosphere by Joy Division on the way in, Atmosphere by Russ Abbot to exit.

When I was a boy I was terrified of vampires floating at the window (thanks Salem's Lot). As a student I feared the spectre of the TV licence detector van. At the same no licence property a housemate once invited the Mormons in. They still live with him now.

www.amazon.co.uk/I-Didnt-Mean... This is my collection of short stories. Trigger warning for bad things and terrible usage of commas.

About 6 years ago I made this stupid 'graphic novel'. I put it on Amazon to buy for £1.99. Today I received an email from informing me that my royalties were being paid. 70p! Not bad for only one sale.... ....Reader, I bought that copy. www.amazon.co.uk/Teatime-Club...

Missed all the moon stuff but on my way back home my disappointment was tempered by seeing a shooting star...Reminded me of my terrible night sky trilogy...

9.43am...Time for 2nd breakfast for those who celebrate.

Still 14 days of the school holidays to get through...

My manager after last work meeting.

No matter how bad things are, there's always someone in a country song having a worse day.

A little late with the buzz around this one as usual but I am quite enjoying Andor. I think it's because I identify with the eponymous hero so closely...Yes, I too have suffered from IBS.

When you open the cutlery drawer and find there are no clean teaspoons.

Today I taught my children their greatest life lesson...The obligatory usage of a coaster for drinks, hot or cold. The one thing that truly separates us from the animals.

I do enjoy Cerys Matthews' 6 music program on a Sunday but I can't help being constantly distracted by wondering if she is wearing a hat or not.

Bet they go for a fancy foreign Pope again, overlooking solid proven English men like Sam Allerdyce and Neil Warnock.