vividly recall saincome in a zoom loosely pitching me on designing tongue in cheek daisy merch as a nod at this

just had a Wet Nightmare. any one else experience this?

is any one in need of a free lance hall monitor? i am larger and more intimidating than most children. could corral and discipline them easily. e-mail me.

hey sorry i missed your email i just fell off a turnip truck and have been recovering

(over footage of new jersey turnpike) woke up this mooorninnn… mogged yourself a foooid…

3D printing custom funko pops of my wife and her boyfriend for their anniversary and im wondering if it would be ok to add me in there as well?

“A white boy in motion tends to stay in motion” - 𝐀𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐄𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧

sorry ma’am if you were formerly known as twigs im just unsure what i should call you now sorry ma’am just trying to be polite

John Candy sounds like a fake name a panicked pedophile would make up on the spot when asked

just had a Wet Nightmare. any one else experience this?

saw birdo in the mario trailer and felt an indescribable pang in my gut. will be dwelling on this and its implications.

hey man do u wanna come over for dinner later? im taking a bunch of loose crumbs i found on my floor and sprinkling them on toast

charli xcx should contribute to her viral marketing campaign for the film "The Moment" by taking on her multi-armed form, not unlike Vishnu, on live television and say "Now I Am Become Brat, Destroyer of Worlds" i think that would go super viral, and be popular with teens

luigi should have his own lesser brother. it is simply not fair to him that he must kick up to mario and Mario alone.

the cinema is all ways better with a Friend ❤️

have really been getting fed up with how i am treated at the work place. hopefully crossing out my title and position on my name tag and writing in “Genius Christ • CEO” changes this for me.

guy down the street from me just started building a fucking bone temple. what an ass hole. whole neighborhoods gonna stink now. great. awesome.

hey brother! been a minute lol just was thinking about how we used to force feed lit cherry bombs to neighborhood pets as kids haha. couldnt do that nowadays because of "you know" lmao. any way short on rent this month, wondering if you could help also do u have a 3d printer? xo

(checking my phone): You have 1 new notification from the Sewn app! (wincing, pinching my brow, cluster headache forming behind my eyes) if i open this and it says to me some shits been reaped im gonna lose my mind im gonna actually lose my fucking mind

listening to some Jane Additive. it’s like that other artist a little. but you gain something.

excuse me yes maitrê de? reservation for two, please. yes, at McDonalds Hamburgers. thank you.

you watching marty supreme: wow this white man is awful and learns nothing and still succeeds. problematic! me watching marty supreme (6th time): how did they make tennis so small. enough to fit on a table no less. even the common man can now participate.... and i think thats baeutiful

BBL Netanyahu

every man woman and child in America deserves a dinner with Jay z. under a Kamala presidency, this would have been mandated.

you can laugh all you want but i will forever be grateful for my found family on r/Riddles

the only time a real man “listens to geese” is when he is shooting them from a blind at a distance of several dozen yards smoking a hand rolled cigarette like a rooftop sniper in the eastern bloc circa 1950

not much for that Peter Thiel character. more partial to Peter Turqoise myself. Peter Periwinkle even. that last ones good actually thats like a guy from Clue i like that.

fucked up in the crib wearing the aliexpress Marvin Superb windbreaker

real talk yall? your boss should be on your close friends story. it should be a stipulation of your employment.

ground combat trench warfare should be in the Olympics and i think were all sick of the fact it’s not

Clients of a local psychic reported that all of their health points were mysteriously intact despite being put under hypnosis. paletteswap.site/dif...

they embossed the logo. not a fan.

it’s sad that Paul reubens died before they could finally make PVB: Pee Wee VS Bean. could u imagine. could u even imagine.

is there a name yet for the genre of movies that are just crews of like 10 people in Atlanta shooting on phones, releasing domestic thrillers direct to Tubi called shit like Damn Shorty A Murderer and The Betrayal of My Best Homie 2

not all uncs are chopped but all who are chopped are unc 🕉️

(really important work zoom meeting) who me? oh yeah sorry im just watching porn. carry on im still listening.

yeah actually i did fucking meet and hang out with beloved Canadian filmmaker Don McKellar actually youre just mad about it and i don’t care that you’re zooming on the pixels to prove i photoshopped the image i actually dont

just chopped it up with the monster under my bed. squashed the beef. cool guy actually.

pulling hairs from my butt crack in the shower like a clown doing a handkerchief gag

im on my block with a giant sandwich board on that says Free Daps For The Homies for about 3-4 hours every day. this is my part in fighting the male loneliness epidemic. more than most can say.

The Fucking Machine directed by Ben(wah balls)ny Safdie starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnsoncock

we should be able to all lay down our arms and differences for Halloween like warring soldiers at christmas it is only right

what the popular left does not understand is that picking your nose and eating it will never be normalized. kamala admits to this in her memoirs citing it as a major campaign failure.

Geeked Up Playin Xbox All Day

the biopsy came back i have been diagnosed with Vinegar Syndrome

not now kitten daddys in a hell of his own doing

sorry can we cut i cant perform this scene if the intimacy coordinator isn’t visibly erect that’s the only way i know im doing my job right

all due respect to miss gooddall and her estate, but am certain a monkey did it. dont care what any one says. ive met enough monkeys to know their true nature. this is why we evolved beyond them.

this is my exact swag right down to the molecular level

Ruth’s Chris Steak House Branded Male Growth Hormone