"Famed Jim Irsay collection to be sold at auction" ...there's gonna be drugs in there we've never ev- ...oh, memorabilia? (Of drugs?)

The inciting incident is flat tire, but there is not "drive on a flat in the nice car" money in the budget, so the tire is just about 40% deflated.

Part of why Trump does those "I know four first grade vocabulary words and remember them which makes me a genius" bits is so his supporters can go "hey! I also know those words! That must mean I'm at least almost a genius, too!"

In a "you can bet on EVERYTHING" world, where do I write the "no one in (at least, I gotta cash this sometime) the next decade will reach base 9 times in a game" betting slip?

Wait a second, how many times was Shohei Ohtani on base?

Nice work there from the organ player to break out The Neverending Story.

Alright, Rob Manfred, all your friend said "no way you'd send Bob Seger out to do Hollywood Nights between the 17th and 18th!" but now's your chance.

I'm here to ponder the big questions, like the order in which all the Sweet Pickles would die in a Lord of the Flies situation.

This week's "Blastin' My Tits Off!" price increase was B-level conditioner. You can still get that VO5 one that's just colored water for a buck. Anything else? $6, minimum. No sales. Even Suave is 3.50. It's an unchecked Big Grocery issue, I'm sure I can go to Saar's or definitely Winco to save.

A thing I like to do sometimes is set an alarm for, like, 330 in the morning, so I can roll over, look at the alarm, and know I still have a bunch of time left to sleep. Other people do NOT like this as much.

Can it REALLY be a Halloween party without a Kids Bop version of Werewolves of London? No, no it cannot.

When they get together for legal purposes, I hope they use the hyphenate Fudd-Bueckers.

🎵 "...another season we're Halloweenin' and makin' cookies..."🎵

I appreciate the 2-3 times a year where Trump goes out of his way to lie about gas prices then they have to rocket down 40 cents so they can spiral back up 80 cents over the next 4-6 months.

Considering the betting scandals and the big money elements compromised to participate, I'm put in mind of the old line about "a dead girl or a live boy".

I bet that in a decade or so, we'll find out someone in agriculture took a massive bribe to import WAY TOO MANY pistachios, and that's why we're seeing the rise of "Dubai Chocolate".

Why can't the whole cinnamon roll just be the soft inside of the roll, like the muffin tops?

When you're re-checking the movie to see if another actor even ENTERS FRAME with the name... ...that was an easy few hours of work for Tom Berenger and a few faceless extras, I suppose.

The endeavor earlier today has convinced me to keep an eye out for discarded work shirts. I mean, a pizza is 20 bucks, the shirt for a pizza place is 5.

Haven't met the new neighbor yet, they've been here about a week. No "howdy new neighbor". Today, I met a friend/family member wearing an Xfinity shirt he got from Goodwill, telling me he was with Xfinity and couldn't easily access the cable and could he run a splitter off mine? FUCKING BOLD.

Dozens. I mean, the algorithm speaks your truth into existence anymore, but still...

Excited to go to the yearly Holiday Festival, may purchase a jaunty hat.

Thinking about an old grade school joke, and I'm surprised that "Never Say Never To A Boy" didn't wind up as a title in a VHS anthology.

"There is rampant, widespread wagering on and fixing games in the NBA!" "There's millions in documented bets by this S. Ohtani character, but we've been told that was his interpreter, and he doesn't understand English well enough to confirm or deny. That's how innocent people act."

Who he said he'd get: "the worst of the worst- human filth" Who he's getting: Hispanic grandmas Dems who held him to account Chauncey Billups

It's tricky when I make an air fryer meal and a big pot meal within a few hours because those both demand the same dishwasher real estate.

Whenever I see the ad for the new movie coming out with the author name in the title, I view it like "John Tucker Must Die". The movie must be about "Colleen Hoover's Regretting You".

I mentally filed that picture of Cal, Gabe, and most of the starting rotation celebrating at Cowgirls to be prepared for the "there are two halves of the clubhouse and JP is the go-between" discourse when the Mariners hit a rough patch in the next year or two.

I saw a video with the title "KKK member is NOT HAPPY" and like, yeah, I knew that already, that's how you wind up in the KKK.

I thought the original had the "SKATE! OR! DIE!" lyrics in the theme, apparently it was in SoD2, ehh.

The Angels will lose 95 next year because Kurt Suzuki thinks defending the left side of the diamond is a moral failing.

What the left needs is their own (_________)! Fuck they do, those blanks are not designed for them and trying to contort to meet that implied ideal is a round peg, square hole situation.

Here's another one; Value will never be higher, because it's impossible to expect it again, locked in for 30 cents on the dollar, unknowable how the offense will age at that position because its unprecedented in baseball history, and you have a top-50 prospect to fill with. Do you value check Cal?

If I were the campaign manager, I'd use the slogan, "she can win the General, Mills!"

My kingdom for a "spell check but for context". "Did you mean to type us? Is looks way more grammatically correct." "Punch him in the sick? Or punch him in the dick?"

The NY mayor thing is easy for me because one guy can pronounce the other guy's name and one can't, so my default is "pick the guy who can say words correctly". I know this is not a standard held firmly by the general electorate.

There's something mordantly amusing that they can't bring everyone together to do all the terrible things they'd really like during the shutdown, because the full complement would put "The Giant Pedophilia Matter" front and center over budget machinations.

Tom Izzo is MORALLY AFFRONTED that people in his profession are willing to defy the AGREED UPON TRANSFER RULES and take a scholarship from SOME HARD WORKING KID to give it to someone who didn't succeed as a pro. On an somewhat unrelated note, Tom Izzo never said anything regarding Larry Nasser.

Electing the tattoo guy seems like how you get to issues like "can Dems appease the Fetterman voting bloc?" on meaningful legislation. The "looked cool, I did it... let's just leave it at that" guy does not seem to be a bastion of reason and scrutiny.

The yearly retreat has been changed to a "virtual retreat" for financial reasons, probably going to forego the You Get to Do Workshops on Your Computer, That's Your Retreat! retreat.

Mariner ownership gave Scott Servais almost a decade, for Dan Wilson to go anytime before 2028 would require him to have a massive fall regarding a non-baseball matter.

Cal was crying after the game last night because he knew that he signed long term six months ago for half of what he's worth now, and this ownership has shown they won't spend on supporting pieces for superstars, even when they're paying superstars like supporting pieces. And now he's here forever.

I feel like the answer to "someone on base is tipping the pitches" is clearly "pickoff throw in the groin area".

"Don't watch pro sports, they're the territory of the oligarchs! Watch high school sports instead, its morally acceptable." Buddy, I don't know if you've heard of NILs or Friday Night Lights, but you're just trying to tell me The Calf is OK until it Becomes a Bull.

Also, any owner who isn't in the 300M salary club better be Pounding The Table next offseason for a hard salary cap in the next CBA. If on Opening Day 2027, you have the top teams running a payroll 4-5x the lowest teams still, everybody fucking failed.

Toronto fans can eat a sack of fuck, too. Top 5 payroll, all time World Series moment, acting like the hard-done team against THE SEATTLE MARINERS. "Oh, they hit George Springer in the knee!" Good, any real commissioner would've Eight Men Outted all those Astro motherfuckers.

It's all fucking appalling, but "he's tearing down the White House!" seems like one of those issues that's designed to get critiques roasted, like "oh, so the BUILDING is a thing you'll speak up on behalf of... but what about (laundry list of human facing issues that passed without criticism), huh?"

As a Mariner fan, I'm encouraging a crowd sign with Arthur Rhodes, Kazuhiro Sasaki, Robbie Ray and Eduard Bazardo as "The Four Mariners of the Chokepocalypse" on Opening Day 2026. Put a suitcase on the poster, for Kaz.

"See, the best way to think of the Mariners is that 29 other baseball teams have World Series moments, and one team... exclusively has LDS moments. It's like the Mariners are Utah's team!"

The only logical solution is a Eduard Bazardo for Orion Kerkering trade.