am i... getting old... i get so sleepy before midnight now... i need to lock in but... zzzzz

downside of only having 1 friend is that when she's not at school i simply have to return to being alone (for a day) and that is actually harder than just always being alone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

sorry if you see me whining about my love life i am simply a moody person and i appreciate my bf putting up with it :,)

i realize that between going to japan and being sick for almost 2 weeks that we haven't actually had that much time together but!!! i'm a little pissed!!! that my bf hasn't taken me on a date since march!!!!! and he's going out with a friend today instead!!!

do you ever start cleaning something you've been meaning to get to and then get the urge to clean your entire room

it's been over a week why am i still full of mucus!!!!! this weak ass immune system!!!!!

if i am completely better tomorrow then i will treat myself to an iced matcha. if am still sick then ig i will continue to down hot tea.

i did fine last quarter but i can see my future rn... if i keep spending time with my bf like this my grades are cooked...

checked on the group assignment to see that someone reworded almost everything i wrote and added some stuff i don't agree with adding 🙃

the things that made me anxious are not gone but the suic!de is back off :,)

yk it was much easier to be depressed when i didn't have any friends or other relationships bc i knew i literally had no one to turn to but now that i do have some people and they are NOT available i actually feel much worse

the one good thing about being sick rn is that my parents will just think my sniffling is bc i'm sick and not bc i was crying for the last 30 minutes

the suic!de is back on 🙂‍↕️

having anxiety for most of your life really sucks bc i spent a lot of childhood and teenage days wishing i could fast-forward my life through school and now i'm an adult who wishes she could fast-forward through college

i am having the worst week ever so far. being sick is just the little cherry on top. i'm trying not to have a breakdown bc there's so much to do and i don't have time for it.

nothing makes me want to die more than having a sore throat

i woke up sick :,)

i don't feel very good right now... i hate how anxious i am... i wish could see my bf rn but i don't want to bother him and he has to wake up early... i don't know what to do with myself when i'm like this

dude i got places in a group with my ex-friend this quarter, why does the world hate me

i'm not sure if i'll be able to stream much this quarter bc my schedule is a little busier and i've already been unproductive for the first two days of school bc of my bf LOL

was showing my bf the pictures i took in japan and i forgot that i took a picture of the yaoi at the animate store 😭

i will never not be pissed that my dad asked me where i wanted to go in tokyo only to book a hotel almost an hour away from the places i wanted to visit then got pissed at ME for being upset 😭

did i mention that i accidentally took my parents to a ~very~ local basement yakitori place in japan. the owner did not speak english at all, so i had to actually use my minimal japanese knowledge to communicate 😭

i should've just kept drawing, the gifted kid syndrome is so real bc i do NOT believe i'm good enough to qualify for anything OTL

my plan rn is: - at least graduate and get your license - try to apply for residency (and very likely not get accepted anywhere) - otherwise work as a part-time pharmacist and focus on art as a possible career path

i just spent the last 30 minutes agonizing over how to call out of work bc i've never done that before at my hospital job 😭

in my neighborhood 🌸 (my school is also famous for their cherry blossoms)

the cherry blossoms in japan started blooming on our last day, but there are cherry blossoms at home so ig it's fine

final plushie haul 🙂‍↕️

there's so many cute girls in japan i feel like dirt next to them 🥺

i did get to buy some cute clothes at least, but i kind of took a long time bc of my social anxiety LMAO. the employees are attentive and don't really speak english and i have to try on the clothes before buying them so my anxiety was really being tested 🥺

started crying in a random cafe and on the train bc of my dad (the second time on this trip so far), so i will now refuse to go out with them tomorrow bc he's just going to get pissy again

if my boyfriend doesn't break up with me then maybe i can come back to japan with him or maybe go with my cousins who haven't gone yet 🤔

the current plushie haul 🙂‍↕️

listen, i promise i love my parents and they are spending a lot of money on me and i feel like a brat for feeling this way, but they've been kind of annoying and stressing me out on this trip 😭

i went to round1 for a little bit in dotonburi but i went in with 3000 yen only to come out with a tiny kirby plush on my last coin 😔

my dad dropped one of our luggage down the escalator (luckily no one was in front of us) but it dropped down half the escalator and it carrying all my souvenir dishes from the cafe 😭

kirby cafe!!!!!

my trip has started off ✨not great✨ and i am slightly regretting going on a trip with my parents (they are stressing me out) but japan is p cool so far 😎

okay actually i checked right before bed and a few spots opened up!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!

flight got delayed, so no kirby cafe 😔

told my boyfriend he's going to mess up my japan trip bc i'm going to miss him and he joked that i should rent a boyfriend while i'm there 😭

just got hit with my anxiety reminding me that i probably shouldn't be in a relationship bc i'm too sensitive and get easily hurt by small things 🥲

i was telling my parents about my boyfriend's dietary restrictions and my mom's reaction is giving 'we're going out to eat if we meet him' 😭

it's snowing a little! :0

how fast is too fast for 2 people who've never dated before......

my mom was really in denial at first about me dating bc the first thing she said when i told her was "are you sure he's not a relative?" LOL

i haven't told my parents yet that i'm dating bc i chickened out last weekend, so now i just had to lie that i'm hanging out with a 'friend' tomorrow bc i needed to let them know to pick me up late 😭

man i have so much to do i really need to lock tf in- *falls asleep at 8 PM*

i am currently experiencing the phenomenon where my work ethic slowly decreases over the course of the quarter despite now being the most important time for me to lock in