Wife: The kids told me the house ate you and you were talking to me from in the walls

6: you look like a little kid in this

foreign languages are irrelevant gobbledeygoop. got it. thanks.

Jonathan Fine stuns in new academic journal article

I have not earned this title, but I never complain when I’m mistakenly granted it

i’m too shallow of a reader to tell if this tweet is about me

fascinating things are happening on twitter dot com

Overheard at the coffee shop this morning: Who needs a philosophical thing about Goethe? The research we do is important.

might go as hamlet for halloween

Dad: You didn’t get asked to do that because they think you’re an idiot. Wife: That’s because they’re not on twitter.

if i ever click follow back it’s a sign i’ve lost all self respect

some basic grammar (gender ideology)

this sentence is so precious to me

My wife thinks I should beg for forgiveness for my mustache on Yom Kippur.

i reject this

I have a new best friend

News about America is far too important to trust anything actual Americans might say. That’s why I exclusively trust people who cosplay as Americans on social media.

they’re so close

Wife: Why don’t you ever tweet about Schleiermacher?

I made this for my classes

Posted @derlampenputzer.bsky.social’s handiwork on Twitter and some people think it’s real

ChatGPT house style is so beautiful

my teenager just called grad students an invasive species

what if being mean to strangers on the internet is the only thing i’m good at?

The underground Thai place on campus opened a hotpot place directly upstairs, but no one wanted that, so they offered both menus at both restaurants, but that was too confusing, so now the upstairs place is a sushi bar that also serves Thai and hotpot.

15: I tried to lie but it backfired Me: And what did you learn? 15: that I should try to lie until it works

I bet the employees at the Theory outlet would really like it if I asked them to point me to where the Foucault is located.

lmao

I don’t actually have it out for Foucault, and I could have easily substituted Derrida here, but Derrideans have a sense of humor, and Foucauldians never fail to take the bait.

can’t find anything saying the application can’t be written by AI

Before you are allowed to use social media, please indicate where you stand on the following French theorists: Althusser, Barthes, Baudrillard, Blanchot, Bourdieu, Cixous, Deleuze, Derrida, Foucault, Guattari, Irigaray, Kristeva, Lacan, Lacoue-Labarthe, Lyotard, Mouffe, Nancy, Ranciere, Ricoeur

Thrilled to announce I’ve been appointed Sam Altman Professor of Charlatanry and Scams!

Teenager said I don’t need a sticker that says nerd because it’s already obvious from looking at me

yep

Re: Syllabi Dear faculty, The administration will review all assigned books to determine whether they are still relevant to modern life. This review does not involve reading the books. All written assignments must be replaced by coloring sheets. The new grading scale is: A: 49.5-100 A-: 0-49.4

My wife is shocked that every student in an intro to college essay writing class would submit an AI-generated essay given that the entire class is about writing an essay.

holy fucking shit

this is about me

Thank you for correcting my shitpost! I can see now how how much better it is with the humor removed.

every tenure track job I’ve applied to has tried to hire me, but I’m too fast for them to get me

being an academic

Can you return your children if they eat the food you were saving for yourself?

my wife thinks my gravestone should identify me as a “former graduate student”

“brainwashing retarded people into race communism”

My barber and I agree on pro/rel in the US. Glad we see eye to eye on this critical issue.

Racists on Twitter are mad at me. In other news, today is Tuesday.

Our water boiler is broken, which is a fun new experience that I get to have.

Me: He’s not a grad student anymore. Wife: Is anyone ever not a grad student anymore?

wonderful things are happening on twitter dot com