i am so tired of myself. i don't want to be... it. i want to be someone else so badly. i want to be strong and lighthearted and sweet and charming. i don't want to be broody and bitter and tired like this. god knows they deserve better than this. it all feels so heavy on me

the guy whom i had given way too many chances to at least meet me outside of uni once invited me for tomorrow and cancelled on me. again. it just always happens, i am not even keeping score. we haven't gone out together outside of uni THE ENTIRE SEMESTER despite all of my effort

god i am so mad people are so stupid i have an ex friend whom i broke off with kind of recently and today i saw his take essentially saying "maybe i am wrong on some important political matters but hey nobody is perfect and there is no finite truth" BABES I PROMISE EDUCATING YOURSELF DOESN'T HURT

i don't want to be afraid the deeper that i go it takes my breath away soft hearts, electric souls heart to heart and eye to eye is this taboo?

we finally spoke and i feel so calm and peaceful finally. there is a moon and stars in the night sky and i came back in my town and feel myself so much at home as i haven't felt in so long. my stars and moon led me back home

since the day my loved one told me they don't know how much in love they are with me anymore i feel so helpless, hurt, and scared. like i am just under a freezing spell and can't move even though my mind screams in blind panic

i miss them so much. i need them. i want their calming and loving presence back. i miss falling asleep with them, kissing them, their smell, their laughter, their eyes. i love you please i will be the best please just don't give up on me

fuck me i feel so tired. as soon as i finished one big fucking work that i hated with my entire heart, more jumped out at me. and all are to be done till the 20th of january. it will never ever stop or get any easier. as soon as i am done with one trouble there will be so much more other

ahhh my stress baking which gives me amazing snacks and keeps me feeling productive and alive for at least some time 🤌 i made pumpkin muffins with walnuts and pumpkin spices and these guys turned out perfect

oh god i just had such a satisfying agrument with my dad oh dear a 16yo me would be so amused by it no raised voices no mumbling or tears on my side no rage baiting from him i was on TOP ahhhh it feels so good and it sounds like he is finally!! acknowledging me!! as a competent adult!!

oh newborn jesus it actually was my most miserable night in a long while probably the most miserable holiday i ever had

i don't celebrate catholic christmas i was raised orthodox christian and my family are more of new year people but it makes me so sad that everyone is celebrating it and i don't even though i planned to with them bc it's a holiday for them

sail away sometimes i really wanna sail away leave all those things i did in yesterday is there a place i can stay? sometimes i really wanna sail away

there is a family of portuguese speakers here and i got to say "thank you in portuguese" and they looked a little surprised and happy and asked me if i i speak and i said "eh a little" xdd

one fucking thread and i am so scared and hopeless again. i am fucking pathetic. i must go on. i must be able to accept any decision whatever it is. i can't just lose my fucking head

he refused to charge me for two other pastries i bought and for an extra coffee 😭 i only paid for half a quiche which was 7 euros 😭 i don't fucking deserve him 😭 i don't deserve any of my friends they are so sweet and lovely 😭

honestly what i am really grateful for is my friends. i am currently spending time with them in düsseldorf and köln and they are helping to relieve my anxiety and fear so well. i finally confided in two of them, the ones i trust most. might talk to others later but yeah i feel a bit better

oh god it feels so hard to not be able to text them. they need space and i of course understand and won't worry them but i think constantly about them. a funny crow, a drink with brasilian name, the holidays' plans, "oh eve would love this restaurant so much i should definitely bring them here"

For day 18 of #ArtAdventCalendar is the derpy blue borb, which for some reason is my bestseller sticker on inprnt.com so if you like the blue borb, you can get a print or sticker: www.inprnt.com/gallery/luci... #TraditionalArt #Art #ArtForSale #MastoArt #waterColor #sticker #BirdArt

i hurt my partner so badly for so long that they needed to take a break from a relationship until after new year. i ruined it all. there is no one who would hate me more than i hate myself right now. i am barely holding myself together to not break down crying in train

saw a robin today - love these little birdies so much although don't see them often and felt happy about it. went out with a friend and had a blast in neighbouring town. came home and hugged my partner. now i sit in my room studying feeling like it will never stop

i am tired in a way that sleep doesn't really cure anymore. everything feels so far away and i am so hollow and heavy at the same time. i don't know if it'll ever stop

to whoever the fuck it may concern — add them fucking spices. even if you don't like spicy foods (w chili for example) add the spices that won't burn your ass after. cinammon, cloves, cardamon, saffron, nutmeg, tumeric, cumin, anis, herbs. it's not illegal to make your food taste like something.

bitch me and my wife start kissing in the kitchen and i make some little moans (my wife is an amazing kisser and my steak is too juicy) and as i am sitting back at my place I GET SUCH A JUDGY STARE FROM THE CAT WHO NAPPED NEARBY😭 you get it THE CAT BASICALLY CALLED ME A SLUT 😭😭😭

lighting study 🖤

i need yall to get more anti-ai rn it's not even funny most of my friends are using it to study my profs are talking about the "positive use of ai in academia" it's used in film industry & translation i can't believe i'm saying this since focusing isn't my suit by far but can we fucking focus

I LOVE PERFUMES AND LOVE USING THEM AND TRYING OUT NEW SMELLS and i am generally very scent-oriented and mostly experience the world through smells and the perfumes are part of it ... but my wife has sensory issues and hates perfumes :<

god i absolutely hate my work not only is it NOT connected to literature (i have to basically write film analyse which is different and not exactly up my alley) the only book i can use as a counter example IS ONLY AVAILABLE IN SPANISH do i speak spanish? NO I FUCKING DON'T 😭 i WISH i did but i DON'T

Robin (Eurasian robin) #photography #birds

Luna the panther (She/Her) 🐆🖤🏳️‍⚧️

i want to make my wife happy:( they only deserve good things and love and good people with them and i am so scared of turning into that awful person who makes them suffer all the time i am scared shitless to dissapoint them as well

TW: suicidal thoughts i've thought about what keeps me alive and you know what is it? that if i did smth to myself MY LOVED ONES WOULD BE FUCKING DEVASTATED not that i deserve to live not that i can get out of it not that it's not me and just depression talking (i know it) BUT THAT I'LL HURT PEOPLE

fuck i really need professional help my head is not fucking okay i am passively suicidal very burnt-out and stressed my life is getting out of my control i am so deeply and properly fucked and constantly ashamed of myself and always feel disgusted at myself for how i can't get it together

wow i wasn't kidding i actually do hate myself oh shit oh fuck

watching the cr4 5th episode AND OH GOD THIS DIALOG occtis, just raised from the dead: imma take notes murray: yeah you still have a thesis due in the end of the semester occtis: NO I FUCKING DON'T occtis: I DIED occtis: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE OH BROTHER IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY

bitch during the class about aufklärung MY PROFESSOR actually said "you know why russians aren't protesting against the war? their schools are surpressing their individuality and critical thinking skills!" preach sister this level of a political analysis is a pinnacle of critical thinking indeed

wow the power of dissociation i am actually scared now i read a wikipedia page with spoilers for the serie i like but will never watch until the end bc it sucks ass in the end and now i am dissociated so bad

jesus christ i just had a huge stressful adventure i hate what my brain does to me that's not even funny anymore i booked a psychiatrist's appointment MONTH ago woke up at 5am today JUST TO TAKE THE NEEDED BUS BUT IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION

"i am NOT rasist it's not that i just-" IF YOU POINT OUT RACE IN YOUR ARGUMENT FOR NO REASON THAT'S RACISM. IF YOU THINK THAT THERE IS A REASON TO USE THE RACE AS A NEGATIVE EXAMPLE THAT'S RACISM.

Message to our friends from our hoomom. If able plz consider donating to a group that provides food for the beloved pets of people struggling right now. Our mum grew up very poor & remembers how hard it was to feed the family & their pet. Share some kindness. Love you all 🩷

sitting in an insanely boring class where the person w presentation just reads from their own slides :/ like yes sure you are stressed and stuff we all get it but you didn't even have to make a powerpoint you could just read it all from your place in class

btw matt with black lipstick... 👁️🫦👁️ marisha you got the best one

NOT MY FUCKING BABY BOY OCCTIS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

watching the cr4 ep 4. i need more taliesin jaffe serving cunt. so much more.

i love cats so much 😭 my wife's roomie got herself a second kitty and she is still exploring the house and want to enter every room but some rooms are staying closed bc their owners aren't home or don't want her to come in for reasons AND SHE SITS BY THE DOOR AND MEOWS AT _ME_ TO OPEN HER THE DOOR

watching cr campaign 4. one of my favorite npc-s of this campaign is wic's deranged grandmother, janessa halovar. accent + explaining the mental gymnastics to wic like he is 5 + switch of character from a richeous granny to a manipulative protective old BITCH she is fucking evil i love her

he canselled the plan to meet at flea market this saturday chat im cooked