Can’t believe I’m watching another show about sex between people and fish.

Manflu update: Every time I give my nose a good (and much needed) blow, I hear my dad’s voice internally telling me the Swing Bridge has just opened. #Honk #DadThing

Winter Walks

Just seen a robot cleaning the floor in Morrison's. Pretty sure it wasn't a dream either.

Living my best life at the football

Once again I feel compelled to remind BBC2 that Jesus Christ Superstar is not a Christmas film.

Coffee and sausage bun in Greggs currently £3.15 #SausagePriceIndex

So tonight I learned that Celtic had a football player called Dixie Deans, who was completely different to Dixie Dean, also a football player. #UselessInformation

Today I’ve mainly been wondering how one mortal man can produce so much snot.

The same apprentice who hit a sheep has now reversed into a palm tree outside KFC. Driving Tests are not what they used to be.

Everyone here has the lurgy. Someone should lock the gates and set the place ahad.

Sea Devils have gone woke 🙄

Christmas has begun

Mmmm, sand 😋

Gianni Infantino is an embarrassment to bald people everywhere.

My understanding of Nessun Dorma is that it’s Rumpelstiltskin but with singing in 🤔

Wearing the scarf on my daily walk. Not even that cold but wearing it cos I like it

Due to the state of the weather in this country am seriously considering waterproof trousers. For shame.

Everyone's coughing like drains and staggering about here. This is how zombie movies start.

I blame that Bob Dylan film

Sounds about right 🫤

There's a lovely big moon out there

I always feel better after a good sausage.

Bit chilly today so wore the new scarf and definitely turned a few heads, though maybe I had my flies open again 😮

Just remembered a nightmare from last night where I paid £7 for a pint of lager

I hate fucking Wombles #totp

Been out for a nice Chinese banquet with work. Now heading home because I'm old and frightened of people.

Happy #Duckerday 🦆 @cornduck3.bsky.social

Jarvis #PeopleWhoLookLikeTheyreMadeFromPipeCleaners #TOTP

Just paid fifteen quid for breakfast 😕

13 degree difference between now and this time yesterday 🤔

Disappointing that there’s talk of cutting back on jury trials and nobody’s quoted Magna Carta yet. #NullusLiberHomo #DidSheDieInVain

Just sang “I don’t know why I love you but I do” to a slice of toast with butter and spready cheese on. Nothing to worry about.

On a whim I've bought a nice new scarf. Not sure why, it just spoke to me

Urr nurr. Snurr ☃️

As far as International Men’s Day is concerned, I’ve had better ones.

Wondering how many of you are Chinese spies 🧐

I’ve got a big furry dressing gown with a hood and I honestly think it’s the best thing I’ve ever bought.

Had a dream I was being chased by a black bear. I'll have to look up what to do if you're being chased by a bear in case it's a premonition

If the weather is shit you should get another Saturday. #Manifesto

There are Christmas songs on my radio and I shan’t stand for it.

Are we getting adverts with audio description or are my telly settings wrong? 🤪

Free pastry at Greggs day. Finally things are looking up. Or at least looking less down.

There's two guys here who look so similar I was convinced they were the same person. Just seen them standing next to each other and my mind is blown. Like everything I ever knew is a lie.

God, it’s gloomy. Can’t believe we’ve got another 6 weeks before we even turn the corner. #Cheery

Glad that someone has finally taken responsibility for the appalling assault on democracy that was the Jan. 6 insurrection. Slightly confused that it's the Director-General of the BBC, but what do I know?

Bit conflicted with the football today. Obviously I want Newcastle to win, but Brentford are managed by a Keith, and you've got to support your Keiths.

Star Wars is on so you won’t be getting any sense out of me for a while 🥲

Just having a quiet read on Saturday afternoon and this popped up in the illustrations. Now you have to see it too.

Here's Gaia, an art installation currently in Hexham Abbey. Also bonus Orange content.