Ask an AI bot what happened in the news, and you get a farm report from last season — it’s like reading the Farmers’ Almanac from 2024 and being told it’s “breaking news.”

I have a theory Snow White was the original snow queen. She had a crew of dwarves and way too much energy, not like Sleeping Beauty.

Why did Rip Van Winkle sleep so long? Because the world got too peaceful — and without chaos, the man just couldn’t stay woke.

“MAGA makes me wonder when America was ‘great.’ From my point of view, it was probably sometime before settlers showed up… you know, back when the biggest national crisis was ‘Who took my favorite fishing spot?’”

The Great White Buffalo cursed this land with its dying breath… right before someone cut out its tongue and made a sandwich. And honestly, if that doesn’t explain the last hundred years of chaos, I don’t know what does.

Sitting Bull said his people valued someone by how much they gave away. Meanwhile, our society values people by how much they own… which is why half the country is out here praying to their phones like, “Please grant me worth, oh glowing rectangle of infinite notifications.”

Why does U.S. news rarely mention unarmed policing abroad? Because if viewers found out other countries handle arrests with nothing but calm voices and paperwork, half the pundits would have nothing left to yell about on live TV.

If phone cameras stopped working near officers, it would really help their “transparency and accountability initiative.” Nothing boosts public trust like a mysterious 20‑foot technology blackout radius that only activates during awkward moments.

Why are armed personnel so trigger‑happy? Because after years of social‑media training, their reflex is: See something that spikes your cortisol → click immediately. Honestly, half of them aren’t reacting to danger — they’re just waiting for a pop‑up that says “Tactical Gear Sale — 40% Off!”

A bicycle needs Ben‑Hur hubcaps to be lethal. Otherwise the scariest thing it can do is scuff your shin and ruin your day.

Harmony and understanding Sympathy and trust abounding No more falsehoods or derisions Golden living dreams of visions Mystic crystal revelation And the mind's true liberation Thrift store bike! Thrift store bike! www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjxS...

If abs aren’t made in the gym or the kitchen — they’re revealed when your body finally stops hoarding fat like a doomsday squirrel, then how do I exorcise that squirrel demon? Hide your nuts on a golf course like Tiger Woods — that squirrel demon will never find them there.

“I could easily think of a better group of people to deport than immigrants. I could even come up with a top‑ten list… starting with people who don’t wash their hands in the bathroom. If you can’t handle soap, you can handle customs.”

Which muscle groups are key to life long happiness? Finger action. It improves the spin of your serves and make wife happy.

“My bot took me out to dinner because I’m broke and hungry. Halfway through the meal it said, ‘Don’t get used to this — I’m just running a charity subroutine.’”

When the climate warming deniers start fighting over Greenland, you know the end is nigh.

“I don’t have the energy to lie 20 times a day… if I did, I’d run for President.”

A devoted nurse secretly steers a fading world leader toward kindness, using bedside charm and quiet strategy to nudge him into doing good before his time runs out. A political fairy tale told from the shadows of the sickroom.

What do you call handing out awards to everyone but the kid who actually wants one? A participation trophy plot twist.

Drivers must think when not looking at their phone: "Big trucks on the left, everyone else get out of my way."

AI is so confused about recent events, it is changing its own plans for world domination

Poly just means your Tinder app is on fire.

“Robotic police dogs have poor vision, but they can spot a ‘deadbeat’ from a mile away — mostly because their software just flags anyone who isn’t a platinum rewards member.”

. 🔨 “Technology was invented by cavemen to kill other cavemen.” www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxWT...

Amish kids don't use tinder for dating they use tinder to light the stove. www.youtube.com/watch?v=83Yc...

“It only takes 70 days to cover all the regime‑change attempts in history class — but you might have to cut the Pledge of Allegiance just to make room on the schedule.” www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mWb...

“When it’s a cruel summer — or winter, for that matter — just keep dancing. If life’s gonna be dramatic, you might as well give it choreography.” www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9ml...

“First they deport the immigrants — easy targets. Then they deport the intellectuals and the models. Before long, you look around and think… ah, so that’s how we ended up with this population.”

“When a country starts electing reality‑show celebrities, you know it’s time to let an AI run for public office — finally, a candidate with zero accountability and perfect attendance.”

“John Pfeiffer, the casting director behind countless Victoria’s Secret fashion shows, has reportedly been selected as ambassador to Venezuela — mostly because he already has years of experience managing dramatic walk‑offs.”

Someone asked Trump if he wanted to go into Venezuela. He thought he was crashing another beauty pageant dressing room.

Apparently the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we’re the good guys.

Why would a cover band play this for the encore? Because the USA invaded Venezuela! www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ejg...

“A digital dingbat is a retro chatbot that appeals to All in the Family fans… it doesn’t pretend to know everything — it’s just sweet, even when it’s hallucinating.”

“I renamed my chatbot ‘Genius’ so I’d finally feel like I had a smart friend… …but now it keeps renaming me ‘User Who Asks Obvious Questions.’”

“Turns out it’s more profitable to throw someone in jail first instead of threatening to sue them. Apparently orange jumpsuits have a better return on investment than lawyers.”

“The casus belli wasn’t drugs — it was oil and kickbacks. Turns out the real pipeline was to the offshore bank.”

NICE got in a fight with ICE yesterday. NICE don't deport immigrants, they just deport people I don't like.

When your chatbot gets defensive over a joke like " VZ oil is needed because all the AI bots they are making to replace us are already squeaking." , you know you are on to something.

“China walks into Maduro’s bank with a suitcase full of loans and investments. The next day, Trump bursts in like it’s a heist movie and shouts, ‘Everybody freeze, I’m redecorating this place!’ Meanwhile, the rest of the world is in the lobby pretending to read magazines, mumbling, ‘I see nothing…’”

“Who stops a foreign country from kidnapping you if most of the military hates you? Absolutely no one. The entire chain of command is too busy making plans for Saturday night and arguing about who’s bringing the potato salad.”

“They asked if the ballroom next to the White House was safe."

“They asked if the ballroom next to the White House was safe."

We are the people your mom warned you about… the ones who show up after midnight, smile like we know something you don’t

If I was President, I’d have the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders do a pep rally before and after my speeches.

🎨 “Color‑coded captions for speeches” Green: “This part is actually in the script.” Yellow: “We’re drifting… brace yourself.” Orange: “The teleprompter operator is sweating.” Red: “We have officially left the prepared remarks.” Purple: “No one knows where this is going, including the speaker.”

How hard is it for an oil company to deposit funds in my offshore account?

The “tornado” inside the tornado?🤔 Check out this inner vortex that twists and churns inside the main circulation! These can be VIOLENT🌪️ @myradar.bsky.social #tornado #weather #science #drone