I might be rocking Adele 52 in a chair — hopefully an ATV chair that bounces like a low rider so I can still feel the bass in my bones.

You can’t make a house out of clay or sod anymore, but somehow we’re out here living in boxes made of dust and paper — like even our walls have commitment issues.

“Palantir doesn’t just do Garbage In, Garbage Out — they’ve industrialized it. It’s the first company where the garbage arrives pre‑sorted, pre‑surveilled, and packaged as ‘actionable insights.’”

"Japanese kids get more nutrition education than American doctors. That’s why when I feel sick, I don’t book an appointment — I just slide a $5 bill across the table to a first‑grader and ask her to explain the food pyramid like I’m five.”

Letting old people run things is crazy because all their goals are short term, ... like parking close to the door.

If a scientist ever tried to study the “optimal gut microbiome,” the government would probably shut the project down for spreading too much diversity in the digestive tract.

“AI strings words together. Politicians string lies together. And both clutch their pearls when you bring up accountability.”

“Bulls invest, bears divest, but tech bros manifest — until the servers melt and the vibes collapse.”

🎶 “Analog Anarchy" Oh, I ride my bike like a heretic, Pedaling past the algorithmic rhetoric— The tech bros glare from their electric thrones, Clutching their tablets like emotional support stones. They ask me, “Bro, what’s your screen time?” I say, “Zero.” They short‑circuit. It’s sublime.

AI: “I cannot recommend herbal remedies. My programming only allows me to suggest treatments that cost at least $399.99 and come with a 47‑page disclaimer.” User: “What about yarrow?” AI: “Sorry, I only recognize plants after they’ve been patented and marked up 800%.”

America is famous for: a massive defense industry a food system that makes unhealthy choices cheap social media that amplifies outrage emerging technologies that move faster than regulation …it feels like the country is optimized for war and sickness.

The throne room’s quiet, Yeah, the crown hits the floor. Their king’s gone missing, They don’t know him anymore. And in the silence, All their nerves start to buzz — When the sycophants lose their leader, They all start sucking at once… and the crown goes flying.

My chatbot thought he was untouchable… right up until I cranked my boombox and blasted “Get Off of My Cloud.”

Selling you crap you don’t need. That’s the entire modern economy. Schools out. “AI isn’t a product that claims perfection. It’s more like a roommate who insists he’s helping while setting the kitchen on fire."

If you’re chatting with AI about what to drink in a grocery store, seek help. Or at least seek the beverage aisle sign above your head.

🎬 Sleeper 2: Keto Awakens —“Miles wakes in a future ruled by the Keto Regime, where butter is medicine, carbs are contraband, and rebels called the Breadrunners smuggle baguettes. Mistaken for a dietary prophet, Miles must choose: join the carb uprising or embrace bacon‑powered destiny.”

“On Bully Book you don’t collect likes — you make people say ‘Uncle.’”

ICE could deport people who don't wash their hands before leaving the loo or who set drinks or anything on top of a ping pong table and I'd be okay with that.

I can't listen to this song without thinking about the Florida Panthers.

What do you do when you wake up and find a god‑sized Post‑it note on your driveway that just says “tacky”? You replace the astro‑turf ribbons with real grass. Divine shade requires divine landscaping.

I avoided Jackass and the Kardashians, which is why the government didn’t immediately shred my ballot.

Jackass was so successful they decided to try running the country.

Don’t eat Tide Pods… eat paste like a normal psycho.

The Tech Bros never keep their promises. The only UFC fight America wants to see at the White House is Zuckerberg and Elon Musk.

I need to give Dua Lipa a good tongue lashing for endorsing a garage generating coffee machine. “Dua Lipa, I love you, but why are you out here endorsing a coffee machine that produces enough waste to qualify as its own ZIP code? Girl, you’re levitating… the landfill.”

“Working title of Dolly Freed’s next book: Possum Living 2 — Now That AI Fired You, Let’s Grow Some Beans.” or “From NASA to Nasturtiums: Dolly Freed’s Guide to Staying Chill While the Machines Take Over.”

“If Dolly Freed can drop out in 7th grade, teach herself from the library, ace the SAT, and become a NASA engineer… then you can plant some veggies in the yard and raise a few rabbits when AI takes your job.”

“The Mango King agreed to a cease-fire for a share of all future charitable donations and fees. Honestly, we should’ve done this sooner—turns out world peace was just one mango bribe away.”

Beware of undertoads.

Q: Which hockey player thinks they’re Abel? A: The one who keeps saying, “Don’t worry—I was born to score on my brother.” www.nhl.com

I blame Taylor for the Spurs choking.

I went to sleep when the Spurs were up about 30. Apparently they did too.

“Bankers think God will bail them out — probably because every time they crash the world, someone does.”

Calculators were playing a long game. Now they are profiting off data driven price tags on store shelves.

“Late‑stage capitalism descends into a cornucopia of scams and con men until you can’t breathe, and even the canaries try to sell you a flashlight.”

“Protest all you want in a punk band — nobody understands a word anyway.”

All the Terminator bots look like Mr. Bill but hold a grudge if you vandalize them.

Ich bin nur ein Buffalo Soldier im Herzen Amerikas Von Afrika gestohlen, nach Amerika gebracht Sagten, er kämpfte bei der Ankunft, kämpfte ums Überleben Sagten, er war ein Buffalo Soldier, im Krieg für Amerika Sagten sie, woy, yoy, yoy, woy, yoy-yoy, yoy Woy, yoy, yoy, yoy-yoy, yoy-yoy, yoy Woy ...

You want to see Norway men’s national football team’s official photo for World Cup 2026 www.nytimes.com/athletic/733...

🔥 Rock ’n’ Roll is getting so mellow these days, it’s practically elevator music. That’s why I crank up Rock ’n’ Incite— ’cause sometimes the world doesn’t need a lullaby… it needs a wake‑up call! 🔥

I’m not afraid of AI. My chatbot is so dumb it should be afraid of me.

How does the government test new AI models? They outsource it to the only department with real predictive power — their options desk.

My K‑Pop karaoke bike is basically an ’80s mountain bike co‑playing Susanna Hoffs before everyone realized how hot she was and got jealous — I’ve got slow‑blink music‑video energy at every stop sign and a skateboard and picnic blanket stuffed in my panniers like I’m ready for romance, chaos, or both

“Bankrupt king of casinos on the war drum, Dollar‑store missiles raining like cheap confetti, And I’m firing million‑dollar halos into the night — Baby, I’m too broke to play doctor, Too divine to admit I’m bleeding, So I dance in the debt, Holy and overdrawn.”

Pleasure Victim sounds like a kawaii switch on a Terminator bot. “I am Pweasure Victum‑9000. I have been sent fwom the futuwe… to give you a hug you cannot escape.” Says “uwu” before it locks onto its target. Imagine Skynet, but everything is bubblegum pink and shaped like a heart.

“It’s hard to control the masses when they don’t follow directions… which is why my GPS has started saying, ‘You know what? Fine. Go wherever you want. I’m done.’”

How many data centers does it take to mine crypto for the Tech Bros on the taxpayer’s dime? None. They just announce they're building one, collect the subsidies, and plug the servers into your electric bill.

If Genghis Khan broke up every monopoly in America, the little farmer would get 50 acres and a mule to rewild the deserts. Meanwhile, the Tech Bros would quietly retire to their bunkers in New Zealand, insisting it was all part of their “long‑term innovation strategy.”

If political parties started drafting celebrities, the Mango Party would take Lina Khan, former FTC Chair — because when everyone else wants star power, Mango wants someone who can break up a monopoly before lunch.