Pentagon Pizza tracker shows 182% spike at Dominoes, 313% spike at Papa Johns, then 1 other about normal and 3 others super quiet. So who knows. </Satire>

Seafarers of Bluesky One of my cadets from the start of the year is doing their research project on seafarer fatigue. Can you fill out their survey at the link below, and pass it on to others you know? forms.office.com/Pages/Respon...

Why is this joke like high quality Mesopotamian copper ingots? Not everyone will get it.

I'm not sure where the BBC found the ex-ferry guy they interviewed in their latest news article about the Great Banana Spill of 2025, but those of us who work in safety of marine navigation would like a word about his risk assessments.

Everyday at sea is different and unpredictable. Today we're going to try and protect other ships from floating bananas. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Saturday is steak night onboard. Sunday is a cheeseboard. Today we had steak and a cheeseboard. I think I'm caught in some form of temporal paradox. Don't send help.

Spotted and retrieved a French buoy that had been reported as missing and adrift this afternoon. Not sure if we can keep it hostage until a payment of wine and cheese is made, although we might settle for some artisanal pastries.

A fault on the ship's switchboard would sometimes cause the bridge phone to ring in a double ring pattern indicating an outside line. There are no outside lines, so we said it was just the Ghost calling as a joke. They rewired the switchboard, and now I haven't had a Ghost Call in months :(

It looks like someone forgot to water the bridge plant while we were on leave. It's been given a pint of the wet stuff, but we're not sure it'll recover.

Grabbing breakfast at a London train station on my way back to work. Some poor innocent server has just thrown the place into chaos by calling out to see who was waiting for a sausage roll. Gentle reader, they do not serve sausage rolls, it was my sausage bap.

Physics Nerds! Keeping the standard ration of 0.5 : 1 : 3 for Jenga blocks, are towers made of larger blocks more, less, or equally stable than smaller ones?

I did Hamlet for GCSE and finally got round to watched the R&G Are Dead film. Almost didn't recognise a very young Iain Glen as Hamlet, but what a cast in general. Enjoyed it, but suspect I'd've got more out of it if I had a basic level of philosophy to understand some of the deeper layers.

I was introduced to a lovely calming game today, called 'I've comissioned some bees'. Sort of like Where's Wally, but with bees. And that, your honour, is why I've just spent 45 minutes trying to find the last sodding bee in lovely pieve of art that I now know back to front and inside out.

Convinced my Captain to read This is How You Lose the Time War, so that's my good deed for the month.

Had a moment of nostalgia abotu a series of books I read as a kid so went to check and see if I could acquire them on the internet. For a smidgen over £2k I could get all 32 books (32 pages each) in used condition. I'm now sad about something I haven't thought of in years. Fucking boo.

Hear me out, but a D&D one shot based on Trap Door?

Thats everything thrown up by the service fixed - yey Thats the blower motor for the heating failing on the first day of snow - boo Might have to cut out /all/ the avacado toast if it keeps going like this,

I fear I've let me verification slip. Still, better late than never eh? #ProofOfCat

Today has been Annual Car Service Day, and tommorow is scheduled for Fixthe Expensive Things the Service Found Day. It's not a catastrophy, it could have been much worse all told, but still, I regret to inform everyone that I shall be cutting back on the 2nd latte and avacado toast for a while.

One thing you never get used to on light vessels, is the caked on layers of bird shit. The smell is literally staggering. ION: I've just been cleaning my boots in the shower as I'm about to put them away in a cupboard with all my gear for three weeks. It's helped, but the bin is still tempting...

Had the gentleman back onboard today as we're back alongside. We provided tea and Welsh cakes, he and his friend brought chocolate and whiskey. All's well that ends well etc etc

8-12 Watch keeper has Light Vessels on his brain it seems.

Our epic week of light vessel work is now done. Time for a quick smoko, then it's catching up with all the paperwork and prepping for all the statutory inspections we have tomorrow and Tuesday. Is it crew change yet?

After a day of towing LV07, swapping it out for LV10, and now having LV10 under tow, I've just used up a solid chunk of the ship's hot water supply just standing under the shower since I came off watch. I'm several layers of skin lighter, but the residuals of the bird shit LV10 was caked in are gone

Don't look now, but I think we're being followed.

One for all the maritime nerds out there. In this photo (taken on Sunday) we're flying two different signals on the forward halyards. For 1 point: identify the 4 individual flags For 2 points: what is the port signal For 5 points: what is the stbd signal We're in Harwich for local bylaw purposes.

Led a team to a light vessel to get some work done today. Traditionally I've rewarded myself with an ice lolly after such heroic feats of command. It's a bit cold today though, and our new cook is doing banoffee waffles for dessert, so I guess that'll have to do. It's a hard life at sea.

Yesterday was a very long day of Light Vessel work. Things the cadet learnt*; -Chain holds are nasty places to work -Anchor chain is heavy -Only ever disconnect the Bitter End if you really need to (we did) -Reconnecting the Bitter End is a terrible job *Not an exhaustive list (I hope)

We are officially a ship in mourning. Our cook has been transferred.

RIP Ni, she was delightful

Yachts only do this when they are very distressed. If you spot a yacht like this, call 999 and ask for the Coastguard, or call them on VHF Ch16 if you're afloat yourself.

Straw Poll. What would you call this? A) adjustable spanner B) pipe wrench C) stilson grip Bonus question; Which option was the Chief Engineer's, which was mine, and which was the cadet's?

Woken by the tannoy to launch the workboat. Not unusual, so rolled over. Woken a second time by the tannoy to recover the workboat and for the Medical Party to be standing by. Turns out we fished a guy out of the water after he fell off his yacht. Big hero points for the boat crew and FA team.

Back onboard for another 3 weeks of ensuring our waters are safe to navigate. The Captain wants our new 3/O on the 4-8 The other 2/O hates the 12-4 and loves the 8-12 Oh dear. Looks like I get my favourite watch again. However will I cope.

Relatedly, if you like #maritimehistory then SUnderland Maritime Heritage is worth a visit if you're in the area. Lovely models and woodworking workshop, along with a history of shipbuilding on the Wear. www.sunderlandmaritimeheritage.org.uk

@r-p-one.bsky.social Saw this and thought of you! From the model collection at Sunderland Maritime Heritage

A protest song for our strane new world. Thanks Portland www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVfa...

Fancied a spot of retro-gaming tonight

As a quick note for those commenting about the Kendal Mint Cake ads that have appeared lately. Should you happen to find yourself in possession of some KMC that you do not want, I will take it off your hands for a very reasonable rate.

I always suspected Jonathan Ross was a bit of a nerd, but on the first episode of Celebrity Traitors he appears to be wearing a piece of kit from Event Horizon. (I appreciate that recognising this also makes me a nerd, I'm okay with that)

Found two disposable underwater cameras while tidying today. In about a week I'll find out whats on them. I genunely have no idea. Place your bets below.

The Flying Scotsman is on the North Yorkshire Moors Railway, 25th-29th October and 1st-5th and 8th-12th November 2025. When am I at sea next? 22nd October to 12th November. Yep. Of course.

A lad I went to Uni with is now Grand Duke of Luxembourg. I probably spoke to him at somepoint but I have no specific memory of doing so. He's definitely in my college Fresher Photo though.

Well, I was going to attempt a humourous post about watching the outraged-right deal with the new Arch-Bish, but Dread beat me to it.

Signed off my ship but can't go home as I'm on a course tomorrow. Everything is awful. Woe is me.

I can (and frequently do) wax lyrical about how much I love being at sea, but it's also worth remembering that it's a career that can expose you to some truly awful sights. Often without any warning at all.

At work in the shadow of Holy Island, eating sausage & mash (with lashings of gravy), and have the Brassed Off OST on the bridge Bluetooth speaker. All I need now is a pet ferret and it'd be Peak Northern

A poem about Dickie Bird by Ian McMillan which he read out on BBC Radio Sheffield earlier today: It's the final over Of the final test And Time is bowling The final ball; And the innings that stretched To 92 Will end just here 'Cos it's umpire's call.

With apologies to those looking for maritime shenanigans, but for the next week it's all about the bears of Katmai NP. The Fat Bear Week bracket is out, and it's brutal. 3 big names didn't even make the cut! Voting opens 1700 UTC Tuesday 23rd explore.org/fat-bear-wee...

Days like today are days when I have to keep telling myself that not all yachties are wafis, even if all wafis are yachties. Why you ask? They see yacht mast sticking out of the water, surrounded by wreck marking buoys & Trinity House Vessel on guard, then try to sail between the mast and buoys.