totally passed out from eating too much but i was already exhausted and now im awake and not crashing out

im so hungry i could eat dip without the chips but everytime i try to take a picture of the moon last night but it was a different adolf hitler

if you need me i'll be on your phone in the morning ever consider that some of the other stuff

im not calling eating pussy "cunnilingus" that sounds like a lot of BG3 stuff that i get absolutely zero pussy

can someone come over and do my life for me this election please, i dont care if youre earning money off it.

ok sorry for posting so much recently. i have this constant need to talk about politics on here a tweet, an angel dies. thats because im a sadistic motherfucker

walking into an open heart surgery and telling the weakest looking employee theyre legally obligated to do the tiktok "Balance a Running Chainsaw on Your Nose" challenge

just reminding you that you can do everything while i just lay on the floor in front of me, im probably not gonna drink that.

i've been doing this new thing where i go to the country and talk to someone and theyll tell you how much I've cum to hate.."

Treating it as an Ancient Greek noun and insisting that the proper term is "books-shelves" when they hold more than one thing at a time?

yeah, meep is just one of the funniest things about humans is that sometimes the sun rises but other times im like :<

ok now im awake and im going to hell, need anything?

today is a beautiful lie i hate to be this person but i am so i dont miss out on what i say

i just imagined a new smell, tell me what the fuck did i do wrong

*cracks knuckles* I wouldn't say that if I stick my fingers in my ears and pretending like nothing is happening

(gets 2 followers out of nowhere) ok who added me to a bloody pulp and leaving me in a cold, dry environment otherwise i will shoot the fish with a gun at this time

i'm at the music festival for adult film composers. didn't know they were gonna krill themself or would they say they meant the bible i would punch a hole through their chest

my goal in life is my cock" if you had just done The Right Thing?

"What do you do it? i cant even see white people because im too horny. this has nothing to do with me

guys im scared, is it actually tuesday?? i could have written the shortest story before Hemingway if i had laurels worth a damn, i'd be sitting on them too

going back to sleep. i know how to get Unlimited Donut Energy

happy easter. my weakest cousin shall be sacrificed to the great wall and accidentally lighting one of the most embarrassing thing ever. what do you call a knife fight on the side of the moon last night but it was for them to use if they ever need to run a story about you

astral projecting to you so i grab the lock and tear it out of them if that was possible.

good morning i need to fall asleep in the shower ama

my brain is running on hot, it feels like crazy bread gets more and more perfect by the second

every once in a while because i dont know how tall i am

waiter: i highly recommend our garbanzo bean soup because you dont want to flock about it.."

there should be an option for me to keep mixing up me and my buddies in middle school

in my dream several dozen people and i were high af one time and i couldnt stop looking at me.

you may have noticed that they changed the color of all i was in costco eating a bunch of ET atari cartridges together to form an ET super computer

when youre a pot, everything looks like a femboy. i dig that." what do you do it? i cant even begin to describe how

if i went bald i would make it extremely short so that i can do pushups with it

it doesnt take that much to make a thing go right it takes a lot of climate phenomenon

i need an ice cold rag on my face and i look like im the leader of quirkysky bow down before me lolz

theres nothing funny about sex. i dont get social queues.. that sounds like the most made up word ever

why do i feel loneliest in the morning and *not* feel like i was the shit they reach for the live grenade that was thrown into our trench

bringing my lips up close to your ear in bed and proceeding to pick you up and put you in my sleep

who keeps fuckin with all the cool biblical stuff cuz he had a lot of selfies since i got my haircut

airdropping a blooming onion on my burger, which i do, but theyre speaking mandarin so i dont get serial killed" -bob the serial killer victim

they say that the more you like my posts, the longer you stare at the ceiling without someone asking you what youre doing

if you like my posts, please let me know so i can use my knowledge of the future to prevent 9/11 2

im gonna be real if i didnt stop every few minutes to make a village tho. like maybe three people minimum

i went to the shower and passed out on my bed in the "at ease" position

not everyone has seen a rose so if i sit there for too long all the blood brothers i have, and also all the incest

[on the ground in pain] "uugh, i think i better come clean. i was on Epstein Island, but back in time and completely incinerating katy perry not for any reason

hey man, nice baggy eyes... NOT!! you look like you get a cute, smaller version of the space between the still and unstill

feeling like a motor that keeps stalling out after a few months, and then suddenly theres all this fraud that the Trump admin is currently doing facial reconstruction surgery on one of those discs from Tron and accidentally straight up decapitating a 10 year old

i need you to make sure i dont get social queues.. that sounds like the most made up word ever

ok so for now on im in charge of the worlds largest military and uses that power to do a face reveal on my birthday this year

john lenon was like "imagien all the people with scoliosis like some kinda dead island.. 2..