absolutely nothing hits better than the first “[Passan] BREAKING” of the offseason

going from the most intense games you could ever imagine to absolutely nothing is like shacking up in a log cabin with Margot Robbie for a month then at the end she ties you up, shoots you in the leg, and leaves you for dead

game 7 wish list: - Blue Jays win - Scherzer & Ohtani both pitch 5 innings - Vlad & Mookie both hit a HR - loose dog on the field - go-ahead 2-run sac fly in the 8th inning - loose cat on the field - triple off the top of the wall, runner stranded at third - ghost of Dazzy Vance - loose bear on the

fuck it let’s make all baseball games 18 innings

Trying something out: a LASR deep dive into a singular player. First up is the current hottest hitter on the planet.

just getting caught up, no spoilers please

if a loved one asks you to hang out with them in october & it doesn’t involve watching playoff baseball, that is not a loved one

winner take all playoff game going into the 9th inning all tied up & getting wild oh shit sorry I thought this was pornhub

gonna tell my grandkids this was Walter Johnson

going to sleep after the yankees get eliminated feels like when the serial killer in your neighborhood finally gets caught & you breathe a little easier knowing you live in a safer world than you did this morning

one more person schedules an october meeting with me & it’s not specifically to discuss playoff baseball —> yer outta heyah

don’t invite me to any parties this month I swear to fuckin god

Here’s links to LASR graphs I have generated for all Wild Card rosters

merry christmas baseball fans ❤️

sure today’s games were incredibly exciting & i loved em all, but the end-of-regular-season dopamine that hits best for me is all the year’s stats suddenly getting set in stone to forever remain unchanged. i can finally take a good long serious look at the statsheets with no caveats & get memorizing

words cannot describe how fuckin pumped I am for the Nationals-White Sox series this weekend

if this isn't your AL MVP ballot, then STFU idiot, you don't know ball

I've been putting lots of time into making my LASR code more flexible so that I can easily translate other datasets. First up: Negro League data! Here's an exploration of Negro League heroes and their stats translated to a league-contextualized scale.

baseball fans: “ah, I love listening to baseball” MLB At Bat commercials, thousands of times a day, testing the sanity of its users by refusing to update anything: “😄 that’s Mike Piazza! 😄 after hitting a home run in the FIRST 😄 Mets home game! 😄 since 9/11 🫤”

LASR update: I have translated Negro League data to the LASR scale!

my favorite Anthony Rizzo moment just absolute disbelief that the dream might actually become a reality soon, and in an incredibly epic way god I love baseball

nothing as humbling as spending 40 hours a week studying baseball players then putting on a september game between non-contenders & you don’t know who the hell anybody is

submitting to Manfred tomorrow, lmk your thoughts

feels like a very MLB thing to be like “oh yeah we’re selling our gigantic streaming platform” on a random tuesday night while a bunch of games are going on

In a follow-up to my article where I picked a fight with + stats (OPS+, ERA+, etc.), I now present LASR's defense against Baseball Savant percentiles. (No, they are not the same thing.)

god am I fuckin sick of getting kicked out of parties just for getting too fuckin heated about adrian morejon’s fWAR god fuckin damnit

BREAKING: You have acquired a 2-second Dopamine Hit from Your Brain upon reading the word breaking in all caps

sunday night baseball is a desperate cling to hope. where we base ball enthusiasts gather round at the end of busy weekends to bemoan shitty umpires and argue over whether juan soto is over or underrated. this is what it’s all about, folks. blissful ignorance of monday morning. together

generated a LASR graph for Nick Kurtz the other day, so this is a decent before/after for his historic game last night. absolutely absurd for one game to change these grades so much at this point in the season

LASR - some of the most extreme player profiles this season

making up for my lack of a “June LASR Beams” with an All-Star Break version:

me when they said the all star game will be decided by swing-off: wtf what a stupid idea me after watching the swing-off: lets just make this what baseball is

who will win the AL Cy Young A. Tarik Skubal B. Garrett Crochet C. Hunter Brown D. Jacob deGrom E. My neighbor Earl who thinks he could pitch better than any of them and go 9 innings every damn time cause he’s not a fucking pussy

how is it already almost the all star break? feels like it was just opening day 1956

after pitching only 1 inning in each of his first two pitching appearances, Ohtani took a step forward today and went 2 innings. fangraphs projections say he’ll pick up 42 more innings this year, while fibonacci projections say he’ll be ready for a 1597-inning performance by October

I've gotten this question a lot, so I figured I'd address it. Bring it on, + stats.

a LASR look at MLB’s best players so far

who ends up with the #1 seed in the NL? A. phillies B. mets C. cubs D. dodgers E. rockies

yes, you.

who will finish 2025 with the most home runs? A. Aaron Judge B. Shohei Ohtani C. Kyle Schwarber D. Isiah Kiner-Falefa

why the fuck don’t we refer to a 3-game series as a trilogy

people are focusing too much on the negatives with this year’s Rockies. nobody’s talking about the fact that they’re an incredible 7-0 (100 W%) in games where they’ve scored more runs than their opponent

game 7, bottom 9, tie game, bases loaded, 2 outs, who are YOU sending up as a pinch hitter???

honestly cannot fathom why mark canha was not made the new pope

check out the LASR charts for April's best MLB players:

fun fact: “louisville slugger” is not just a carrie underwood lyric — it is also a baseball slogan that roughly translates to “bat”

Eugenio Suarez is having a weird season, to say the least For context: there are only 8 seasons in history with an 80 or higher HR% LASR and a 40 or lower AVG LASR. Most recent was Rob Deer in 1992.