Absolutely living for the eye-octopus in #alienearth Best mute sci-fi character in a very long time...

Endorsed and also 100% approved. 10/10 will read again ❤️

Going on holiday at 5am tomorrow, haven't started packing yet. Whoever said you get less wild in your middle-age was WRONG!

I'm Fine by @richardhwrote.bsky.social is out today. I got to read a proof and I'm quoted for it because I absolutely adored this book - charming, engaging, funny, sad and surprising in all the best ways ❤️ And a story that deserves to be told. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Buy it please...😊

I will be officially gushing about #ImFine on its publication day tomorrow but for now I will simply say - do the below please 🔽🔽 Order a brilliant book from the brilliant @bertsbooks.bsky.social You won't regret it ❤️

Bit mean to Vegas whorehouses if you ask me...

Tried to watch #AndJustLikeThat but the programme's depiction of a teenager with ADHD is so fucking awful and poorly researched, I can't do it. Terrible, terrible writing... I NEVER criticise other people's art... and just like that...I am.

Gotta love it when Google memories messages me all excited and says - Remember this day??! And it's just a series of clothes photos I took for Vinted...

Just watched #fightorflight which was excellent and I very much enjoyed Josh Hartnett having the absolute time of his life 😁

It's only as you get older and the people around you get older that you realise #Landslide doesn't just have to be about romantic love...

Well, we're halfway through the year, so let the battle of the still-alive #poinsettia commence... This is mine - still going strong ❤️ @bethmorrey.bsky.social did yours survive this year??

It's been a rough couple of weeks but I just learnt that the Swedish translation of Last One At The Party has earnt out its advance and I am now making royalties! Which is lovely news 😊 So, if anyone has any good ideas about what I can treat myself to with £46.21 let me know ... 😉

ISABELLA'S NOT DEAD - by @bethmorrey.bsky.social is out TODAY! I loved it ❤️ It's so funny and clever and charming and captivating that I was both thrilled to have read it and devastated it was over by the end. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Buy it, love it, thank me later ❤️

This seems INSANE! That's 27 core cast members. Even if they all only get six minutes of lead character screen time that's a three hour film....

They should do a remake of #ThisIs40 with them at 50 just going 'yup, we were wrong. 40 is hella young and the best years of your life. Sorry.'

God grant me the confidence of a three year old singing a rock version of Let It Go... Please.

Hey @bbcradio6musicbot.bsky.social My husband and I are genuinely devastated it's #TomRobinson last show as he has soundtracked our entire relationship for the last twenty years. And my husband owes most of his Shazam list to him 😊 He will be most sorely missed xx

Someone is ringing my mobile and leaving messages which comprise of excerpts from different songs - nothing else, just excerpts from songs. It's weird, but they're not the worst messages I've received so I'm not completely mad about it...

I think we're all in agreement that #allbarone by #baxterdury is complete genius, aren't we? AREN'T WE?????

Rain + sun + No-Mo-May = Gorgeous, wildflower-filled walks 😍

Thought that maybe I hadn't made enough icing for my carrot cake...I was wrong 😬

Seriously - they are programming AI to do my job and take over the world but they *still* can't programme fucking Word to learn that I do not mean to type form a thousand times in my manuscript??

Asked my flight attendant buddy what her best tip for surviving a plane crash was and she said- Sit at the back. Planes never reverse into a mountain... Excellent.

Petty, cheap parent stories?? I'll go first... I brought the kids Easter sweets but forgot to give them out. Found the sweets today and they're good till 2026 so I shall be keeping them in a drawer for a whole 12 months and then giving them to the kids next Easter 🐣😊 #goodparenting

I was lucky enough to read an arc of this and it is EXCELLENT - warm and funny and moving and an incredible love letter to queer culture in the 90's - it feels strange to say a book about abuse can be uplifting but this one really is. I loved it ❤️ Pre-order now because it's going to be huge.

Turns out @edgarwright.bsky.social doesn't need to remake The Running Man because America is already living it ☹️ I hope it's a joke. I fear it isn't.

Someone let their dog shit in my front garden. I put on the local FB page that if they do it again I'll catch and punish them. People laughed. They shouldn't bcos. 1. My office overlooks the garden 2. I am a writer so always DESPERATE for distractions 3. I hold VERY long grudges. I will update...

Time moves differently when you are getting a train. Train arriving at 8.20 - Cool, stroll leisurely up them stairs, plenty of time to get to the platform. But train arriving at 8.18?? GOOD GOD! RUN WOMAN, RUN! YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT IN TIME!!

I just met someone who claims to have never picked their nose. Never. How is that even possible? Were they never a child??

I'm mostly bed bound at the moment (and not in the good way 😉) So I'm watching/bingeing #Scandal for the first time and pheweee tiger! This programme! Every episode an absolute banger!! Why has it taken me so long to watch it??!

Blimey - I genuinely did not think they had it in them, but they did it. Blimey. 10 points and a proof of my next book to the first person who knows what I'm talking about...

I've had a couple of rough days, but this morning I got...A PROOF OF THE NEW BETH MORREY BOOK!!...and now the sun has come out and everything seems somehow better and I know what I'm reading next!! ☀️❤️ #isabellasnotdead looks SOOOOOO good @bethmorrey.bsky.social 😍😍

When you're having one of those days where everything is terrible and you're not sure how things can get worst and then you get a letter from your bank telling you that you still have twenty-three years left until it is paid off and you're like - yup, that'll do it. *sigh*

This morning's married WhatsApp conversation...

This made me snort tea out of my nose...

Rest of World: *Write literally any other ridiculous idea thought up by any other world leader in the past ten years here* America: Hold my beer

Hey America! You've had a good couple of days! You've shown us that the strong can abide and your future can't be brought. Keep it up! Lots of love, The Rest of The World ❤️

Was bemoaning to a fellow writer about how cold I get when I am writing at my desk all day and they said they use an electric blanket and I said that was genius and ... LOOK WHAT I JUST GOT FOR MOTHER'S DAY!! ❤️❤️

Absolutely unbelievable. I checked the database and they are using English AND foreign editions of my book. How is this legal???

So this chap is never having sex again...

Caught Baz Luhrmann's #Romeo&Juliet on TV last night and was reminded once more how absolutely PHENOMENAL @haroldperrineau.bsky.social is in that movie - he literally lights up the screen. Still my favourite ever Mercutio ❤️

It was well known over at 'the other place' that I am NOT my mum's favourite writer called Beth 😶 @bethmorrey.bsky.social is. This is very upsetting, BUT I really can't blame my mum when the 'other' Beth keeps writing stunners like #LuckyDay I ADORED THIS BOOK. And so did my mum. Buy it❤️

Imagine being a #severance Innie whose Outie has very regular morning bowel movements before work. You're sent on a two day work trip, it's all very exciting, but then you wake up in the morning with a strange pressing sensation in your bowels, go to the toilet, and HOLY HELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

There is no diplomatic explanation, no fancy reasoning. He wants Russia to win. That is it. He wants Russia to win.

I'm sorry but she's a robot, right? Right?!

Bit of novel research I'm doing ... when would you have died without the intervention of modern medical science?? I would have been 22 when my appendix burst. Anyone else??

@pedrolabambas.bsky.social and I watching our romantic love movie...Aliens Nothing says I love you like 'get away from her you bitch.' ❤️

Gentle happiness PSA... If you're not watching #dinosaur on BBC iPlayer then you really should be. It's the best type of comedy, full of soul and heart and love for it's characters and - most importantly - it's fucking hilarious. If you're having a glum February so far I cannot recommend it enough ❤️

It takes roughly six months to grow a whole new big toenail. I know this because I had gel nails put on my toes last August and have just cut the last bit of polish off of my big toenail. Just in case anyone was wondering. You're welcome 😊

Just looked up the word 'goon' on the online thesaurus and these are the use-it-in-a-sentence examples currently available ... Absolute stunning work from thesaurus.com #smallwins