Get your developers up to speed before they ship more technical debt. My All-Hands Fundamentals gives you unlimited seats in my FIT/FQT/FPS classes: training.brentozar.com/p/all-hands-...

Thoughts on AI, Databases, and Conferences as of April 2026 Just got back home after a conference and wanted to jot down a few thoughts to mark the moment in time. I wanna be able to look back at this in a couple years and revisit where we were then, kinda like how I made notes about what life was…

This looks neat. Let me know if you try it. Open-source local web app for SQL Server root cause analysis. Connect it to inspect waits, queries, blocking, config, and optional ClickHouse monitoring data, with AI-assisted diagnostics and First Responder Kit integration. github.com/dzigz/sql-se...

Contest Winners: Make the Comments Look Like My ChatGPT History. I asked y'all to make the comments on this post look like my ChatGPT history, and y'all understood the assignment. The answers were all over the place from accurate to humorous. Here are the 5 runners-up first, each of whom won a…

time to clock in party people www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbxU... come to think of it, the intro chords would be the perfect ringtone if I ever wanted to hear my phone ring again, which I don't

Now that the SQLBits cartoon-themed fancy dress party is over, I can reveal the first time I tried on my costume for this year's party, and Yves couldn't stop laughing.

The all-you-can-eat AI party is starting to wind down in favor of more sustainable business models.

The DeWitt Clause: Why You Rarely See Database Benchmarks www.brentozar.com/archive/2018...

it's a fair question

Get my Fundamentals classes for all of your team members for one low fixed price: training.brentozar.com/p/all-hands-... Plus management now gets progress reporting to know that the team are making their way through the courses.

How to Connect to SQL Server When Nothing Else Works: garrybargsley.com/2026/04/22/h... The DAC.

"I can see how that would be confusing for you" works best when there's just a little bit of emphasis on the last two words - not too much, not enough that they can figure out, but the bystanders can

I’m Not Gonna Waste Time Debunking Crap on LinkedIn. www.brentozar.com/archive/2026...

the network admin during the outage

the word "typically" doing a lot of lifting here

"Ferrari Sets Price for First Electric Car at Around $650,000 USD" www.bloomberg.com/news/article... they say EVs are silent, but if you listen closely, you can hear the depreciation as you walk up to it

HOW MAN, HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE

SQL ConstantCare® Population Report: Spring 2026 It's time for our quarterly update of our SQL ConstantCare® population report, showing how quickly (or slowly) folks adopt new versions of SQL Server. There were only slight 1-2% shifts, nothing big: SQL Server 2025: 1% SQL Server 2022: 31%, up 2%…

what if we kissed at the dedicated administrator connection

this query is heinous like Uranus

There’s a Bug in sys.dm_exec_query_plan_stats. When you turn on last actual plans in SQL Server 2019 and newer: ALTER DATABASE SCOPED CONFIGURATION SET LAST_QUERY_PLAN_STATS = ON; The system function sys.dm_exec_query_plan_stats is supposed to show you the last actual query plan for a query. I've…

"is it just me or..."

"check again now though and see if you're still having the problem"

when my ai replacement sees the code base he's going to take over from me

Building My Dev/Prod Demon Hunters Session, Part 2: The Tactics This week at the SQLBits conference in Newport, I'm teaching an all-new all-day session called Dev-Prod Demon Hunters: Finding the Real Cause of Production Slowness. It filled up initially, but they've opened up more seats for it, so…

we don't talk about how things were before dmvs

guys c'mon the objective is not to hold all the cards

the tech professional inside me is completely understanding about stuff like this, and is actually a little charmed by it

Hallelujah: Claude Code is adding Routines, code that can be triggered on external actions like Github pull requests. I'm so looking forward to automating code reviews with this - Copilot's reviews have been so bad in the First Responder Kit. code.claude.com/docs/en/rout...

The Blogger’s Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to ignore the commenters I cannot help, the courage to help the commenters I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Overheard at the airport: “most people just click through terms of service without reading anything, and just accept everything” Guy: “yeah that’s how I ended up married to my first husband” “wait I didn’t know you were gay” “I’m not”

"Claude Code is down" is the new "Stack Overflow is down"

As you work on your taxes this afternoon/evening, you're probably wondering where your money goes: wherethefuckdidmytaxesgo.com

Azure DevOps is down so hard right now that they can't even spell "storage" correctly: status.dev.azure.com

hey siri is there a morning after pill for deployments

Announcing the Panel Lineup for My SQLBits Cloud Discussion At SQLBits, I'm hosting a panel discussion called 20 Years of the Cloud: What Changed, What Didn't, and What's Next. I'm excited to share the panel lineup - all of the links go to their LinkedIn profiles: Amy Abel - aka the Database…

Reading: Syncing Logins Across Managed Instance Failover Groups andybrownsword.co.uk/2026/04/14/s...

Watching: free video by Hugo Kornelis explaining the pros and cons of SQL Server's parameter sniffing: www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbMv...

Reading: Anthony Nocentino is doing what Microsoft gave up on 6-7 years ago: www.nocentino.com/posts/2026-0...

SQL Server 2016 Support Ends in 90 Days. On July 14, 2026, Microsoft's extended support ends for SQL Server 2016. They will offer Extended Security Updates that you can buy for 3 more years, either through Azure or your licensing partner. The price is stunning: Year 1, July 2026-2027: 75% of the…

I feel anxious and unsettled just looking at this house, let alone thinking about living in it. The interior pictures are horrifying. www.contemporist.com/a-futuristic...

how your email finds me

SQL Server fragmentation explained in 20 minutes with whiteboards and an overhead camera: www.brentozar.com/archive/2022...

Announcing More Improvements to PasteThePlan.com Need to share an execution plan, like on forums or on Stack Overflow, and you wanna get their advice as quickly as possible? Paste the XML into PasteThePlan.com and you get a link that you can share to anyone with your plan's details. The user…

my drag name will be Negroni Calamari

Old post circa 2008 talking about getting rid of legacy boxes by virtualizing them: www.brentozar.com/archive/2008... Amusing to look back about 20 years, see the problems we were dealing with then, and they're still not that different today.

Was reminded today of the old Parallel Data Warehouse, and my thoughts about it at launch: www.brentozar.com/archive/2009... Chuffed to look back and read that my analysis was bang on.

SQLBits Bonus: Free Fundamentals + Mastering Bundle for My Training Day Attendees Good news! My training day workshop, Dev/Prod Demon Hunters, was sold out, but Bits just moved me into the auditorium with way more capacity and space for you to stretch out. Plus, there's power and tables at each…

Using SQL Server Without Monitoring Software is Like Overdriving Your Headlights: www.brentozar.com/archive/2009...

I'd really rather not have to keep running these demos for clients as often as I do, but here we are again. NOLOCK Is Bad And You Probably Shouldn’t Use It: www.brentozar.com/archive/2021...