Wooooffff it is a sit in the air conditioning afternoon

First Bears hat purchased in 15 years, I like it

"You know no one makes you run, right?" And nobody is stopping you from running, look at dat

AppleTV stop having deals on movie bundles please I'm begging

Oh boy howdy am I a homosexual gee whiz

New personal desk chair, take that haters

16 Jan 2026

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, boys.

To be so clear:

Forgot this app existed for thirteen minutes

Just sent a long email to an old boss apologizing for how I was, hope it's received well lmao. What is with this dumbass retrospection I've been dealing with lately?

Fucking Dodgers, man.

Is it pronounced Oregon or Oregon

Some nights I used to sip beer and then I would decide I want another one but didn't have any so I would go to the store, buy a 15pk, drink it all, and call in sick from work the next day

These are dangerous streets for us upper-lower-middle class types

I kind of want to apply to the Fallout Shelter reality show but the form is much too long for something I absolutely would not be picked for

Got a new membership card for the best club in SoCal

Whoops I bought the batteries that make you a furry

If you work in a corporate setting you should get your office taken away if you don't shut your doors during calls

Two years since me and this little angel woke up to a -12 degree morning and a 2000 mile long move across the country

I went home with a waitress The way I always do How was I to know She was with the Russians too

I know we're only 1 5/8 seasons in but I think Fallout is one of my favorite shows ever

This is definitely why I like magic tricks so much

Matched with a circus performer on an app and I swear to GOD if I fuck this up

"I logged into twitter look at all these hateful tweets" like stfu, keep that over there. You want to still have the racism child porn app that's whatever but stop screenshotting things to post everywhere because you're "outraged' the hateful app is hateful

I’m not mad I’m not seeing Gaga tonight I’m totally fine

14 Jan 2026

I made a comic

If you've ever asked yourself if I'm annoying on purpose, the answer is yes and thank you for noticing

Wasn't expecting this to start off horny and yet

"I used to get so much tail..." he says to himself while eating peanut butter and crackers in bed

My cat loudly meowed at me and I instinctively responded "don't say that." I'm not sure what I was referring to but he seems to have gotten the point.

GO NUTS FOR DONUTS

Donuts are always insanely cheap or ungodly expensive

If I were born in any era prior to this one I would not have made it out of childhood tbh. But, in some universe where I survived in like the 1800s, I'd probably be a doctor. Not because I'd be good or care but I'm great at having a surface level knowledge of a lot of topics and I love drugs.

Just checking in if anyone wants to fall in love or give me a millionish dollars

Grimes:

You might ask if it's really a burrito bowl or just a bunch of meat and cheese over rice but I ask why make the distinction

"If others saw these pictures, why is nothing changed, where are the local crowds, why do we still have, names, and addresses, and car keys?" First book finished of '26, and uh, too fitting tbh.

What are the odds my to-read pile goes down this year?

One Of Nation’s Oldest Newspapers Shutters After Almost 240 Years https://theonion.com/one-of-nations-oldest-newspapers-shutters-after-almost-240-years/

Sorry boss, I started making a bird watching checklist and somehow two hours passed

the old world is dying and the new one struggles to be cuntissimo

I have a TV the size that teenage me never could have even imagined and yet society stinks

The problem with being obsessed with gimmicks is when that extends to personal hygiene and I run out, like what do you mean I'm almost out of Stormtrooper cologne, it's my scent!