@punslinger1.bsky.social
📤 110
📥 57
📝 805
My Willy was briefly in the Guinness book of records until the librarian told me to take it out.
#pun
#guinnessbookofRecord
22 days ago
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Old McDonald had a virtual farm. A I A I O.
#puns
25 days ago
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Old McDonald had a virtual farm. Ai Ai Ai I
#puns
about 2 months ago
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I have the odd job man a list of 10 things I wanted him to do but he only did jobs 3,5 and 7.
#puns
about 2 months ago
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What do I know about Bonsai Trees? Very little.
5 months ago
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Some historians claim that Nelson was the finest military strategist. Other historians think that he was not all there.
#Nelson
#Pun
5 months ago
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My wife is currently running across Europe naked. She’s on a Duolingo streak.
#Duolingo
5 months ago
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My wife had a gender reveal party last night. I just wish he had done it before we got married!
#GenderReveal
5 months ago
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I’ve got lots of jokes about rowing but most of them are awful!
#puns
#rowing
6 months ago
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If you call a naughty child a little monster it can scar them for life but if you stun them with a taser the marks will disappear in days.
#ParentingTips
8 months ago
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I have been in London for over 24 hours without witnessing a single stabbing or mugging, can I claim a refund.
8 months ago
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I ran to the paint shop to get thinner but it didn’t work.
#puns
8 months ago
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I’m not impressed by my new American Gothic garden. I won’t be hiring a portrait gardener again.
#puns
#gardening
9 months ago
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What is the difference between an Iguana and a bearded dragon? I’m not married to an Iguana.
#IguanaJokes
9 months ago
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I’m not very happy with my America Gothic garden. That’s the last time I’ll be using a portrait gardener!
#puns
#gardening
9 months ago
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I just read an obituary which said that the deceased lit up any room he entered. - He was an arsonist!
10 months ago
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What’s the difference between a soft cheese and a hard cheese? A hard cheese comes with its own knife.
10 months ago
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I was so anxious when doing the caterpillar diet that I ended up with butterflies in my stomach.
#puns
#diets
about 1 year ago
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I once went out with a woman for a year and didn’t realise she was a communist. I can’t believe I missed all the red flags.
#puns
about 1 year ago
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I've just joined the German equivalent of alcoholics anonymous because their approach to quitting drinking is so much quicker. Ein zwie dry.
#pubs
about 1 year ago
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I went to Caesars Palace with my wife but they wouldn’t lettuce in.
#puns
about 1 year ago
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Scientists are working 24/7 to find a cure for insomnia.
#insomnia
#puns
about 1 year ago
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Why did the Cornish pasty go to the dentist? Because it had lost its filling.
#puns
about 1 year ago
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If you liquidised the head of the Catholic church would you get a pope puree?
#puns
about 1 year ago
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I went to a restaurant called Karma, it didn’t have any menus you just got what you deserved.
#puns
#Karma
about 1 year ago
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My car was in collision with a lorry carrying Bic pens. It is now a complete write off.
#puns
about 1 year ago
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I did a 12 inch poo today, it was a foot stool.
#puns
about 1 year ago
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My local priest is called Father Cannelloni. I say priest but he is actually more of a pasta.
#puns
about 1 year ago
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I told the doctor that all I ever think about is cocker spaniels. He said that I must have a breed on the brain.
#puns
#dogs
about 1 year ago
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Jeremy Clarkson thinks he should have a Nobel prize for being outstanding in his field.
#puns
#Clarkson
about 1 year ago
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Growing your own herbs can be very thyme consuming.
#puns
about 1 year ago
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I desperately trying to interview the world's best wrestler but he is a hard man to pin down.
#puns
about 1 year ago
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I've just been beaten up by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
#puns
about 1 year ago
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I often take a nap in a bath full of petit pois - that's because I like to rest in peas.
#puns
about 1 year ago
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