If I hear the Pluribus voicemail one more time

I WANT A PHYSICAL FUCKING MENU AT A RESTAURANT. NONE OF THIS QR CODE BULLSHIT

me watching the guy who owe me 10k get raptured

Every time I see Rihanna she’s pregnant

Hello Franklin

Can’t believe Taylor Swift is engaged to that waiter in Happy Gilmore

Leaked script: Trump suffers kidney and heart failure, leaving him unable to complete his term. JD assumes the presidency. Gavin Newsom challenges JD in the 2028 election — and wins.

Trump hasn’t played golf in 14 days 👀

Battle foreshadowing

I think it’s highly likely Gavin Newsom will run for president in 2028.

Me trying to escape the Coldplay affair posts on every single feed

😭

when you pause your music for the 5th time because someone keeps talking to you

Teachers soon as they get home from school

me trying to remember a time when the government was actually for the people

This only happens when you're angry or in a hurry

when I reread the message for the 5th time and still don't know how to reply :

Parents: "back in our days we didn't go to therapy" Me, fighting the urge to say "It shows"

“your 20s will be the greatest years of your life” me in my 20s :

“grah grraah graah”

*me getting my oil changed* mechanic: “we’ve also notice that—“ me :

Before life started going downhill

No shit. Didn’t we already know this

the weekend is near

“how hungry are you?” me :

12:00 am 8:00 am

The IQ of users on X is crazy

me in the corner at the party

therapist: “when did your trust issues first begin?” me:

me at the interview Vs me at work

Me when I find money that I hid from myself

Best date you’ve been on I’ll go first: ‎

everyday