Iran walked right up to Donald Trump and grabbed him by his pùssy.

BREAKING Greenland is now asking Trump to invade, hoping to secure a deal similar to the one Iran got.

Did y’all see that Knicks fan who threw his beer at Donald during the game? Unfortunately it was a draft and he was able to dodge it.

Remember flinging off this thing at Mach-3? The park littered with broke and beaten carcasses. Good times.

A burrito is just a rolled-up taco. A tostada? An unrolled taco. Nachos? Broken tacos. It’s all just tacos.

I’m a hypochondriac, so I’m constantly looking up symptoms, but whenever I see “unexplained sudden weight loss,” I know I don’t have it.

Damn! Gas prices are so high I just saw Dolly Parton carpooling with Jolene.

It turns out a ceiling fan will not cut a bagel in half even on high speed. I also need a new window.

Someone should make a clear toaster so we can see how toasted our toast is while it’s toasting.

If this 1.8 billion bill passes to pay those claiming the government was weaponized against them, I am suggesting we ALL logon and file a claim for everything Doge did that negatively impacted our lives, we may not get anything, but we sure as hell can bring that site down.

Dang! Gas prices are hurting everyone.

Damn! Gas prices are so high that the Post Office calls and reads our bills to us instead of delivering it.

OMG! 🤣🤣🤣 This MAGA moron told me Trump is great, he’s like a magician. His truck used to hold $70 in gas, but somehow Trump made his tank bigger, because now it holds well over $120.

Republiclans… You CAN’T gerrymander Governorships. You CAN’T gerrymander Senators. You CAN’T gerrymander State Attorney Generals. You CAN’T gerrymander Presidents. Your time is coming.

Fun fact: Jeffrey Dahmer was accused of raping fewer people than Donald Trump.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just mailed some “AA” literature to Kash Patel. Those interested… Director, Federal Bureau of Investigation 935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20535-0001

BREAKING Trump announces the nations of Asgard, Wakanda and Xanadu will be partnering with the U.S. to open the Strait of Hormuz.

TREASON: Aiding the enemy during wartime, also attempting to overthrow the Government. January 6th Insurrection. Removing Iran sanctions during war. I’d suggest Donald Trump is guilty of two counts of Treason.

“That was a hole in one. I’m the greatest golfer in the history of golfing.” “I know Sir. Let’s get you to the toilet.”

They keep us fighting over Left vs Right so that we never look up and realize the actual battle is, and always has been, top vs bottom.

Damn! Not even half a tank of gas. 86.47

I mailed Todd Blanch some seashells. We all should. Todd Blanch U.S. Department of Justice 950 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington DC 20530

Becky: “Why are you wearing a tie?” Me: “Because I feel naked without it.” Becky: “But you are naked.” Me: “No, I’m wearing a tie.”

The White House has assured King Charles that he will be safe during his visit because there are no assassination attempts scheduled today.

I don’t condemn a fucking thing. That orange fucking piece of shit is a vile, disgusting, evil, hate filled son of a bitch, and whatever harm comes to him, he deserves.

I’d like to know if the shooter fired his weapon, because it’s quite possible that Trumps incompetent secret service shot another secret service agent.

While the media and everyone else is focused on last nights events, let’s not forget today is the one year anniversary of Epstein victim Virginia Giuffre’s death.

Just so I understand… According to the right: When a lone shooter rushes the Correspondence Dinner, he’s a radical left lunatic. When a large group of Magat’s attack the Capitol Building, they’re patriots. Did I get that right?

Anyways… The Epstein cover-up continues. The Iran war has not ended. Groceries still going up. Inflation still worsening. Economy sliding backwards. Job creation still sucks. Homes still too expensive. Gas prices still increasing. And on and on.

Trump appoints the Director of the US Secret Service, who oversees the specialized protective details. For his second term, Trump appointed Sean Curran, who led his personal security detail for 4 years and protected him during the Butler, PA shooting. He only hires the best.

Don’t waste my time telling me how terrible last night was, how scared people were, etc. etc. etc. when you sit silent and without action after every single school shooting.

Here’s my sympathy for Donald Trump…

I’m not sure which is worse… 1. The possibility of staging your own assassination attempts. 2. The Secret Service is so incompetent that this keeps happening.

Shots fired in an assassination attempt: Joe Biden: 0 Barack Obama: 0 George W Bush: 0 Bill Clinton: 0 George HW Bush: 0 37 years…zilch! Donald Trump: 3 attempts. 1 year, 9 months. I smell fish. …or the secret service has suddenly become completely incompetent.

From now on, FBI Director Kash Patel will be known as “J. Edgar Boozer.”

I’m wondering if any of those sleepers have access to the Epstein Files.

Trump is so bad at everything he does, if he owned a funeral home, people would stop dying.

It’s embarrassing how Iran is making our President look like a bumbling idiot. I mean, he is an idiot, but it’s so public.