@spocksbrian.worstpossible.world has spent the last ten years judging me for my love of this movie.

It’s so fucked knowing that they’ve had this one locked and loaded for weeks.

I say this at least a hundred times a year whenever I see the news.

There has never been a more accurate depiction of American politics than Dennis Reynolds talking about voting in America as essentially deciding if you want a republican to blast you in the ass or a democrat to blast you in the ass.

Zohran Mamdani is gonna be on my podcast and none of you are invited

I saw Joe Biden drawing on Goody Proctor with the auto pen.

What is the point of living in a society then? They have taxes or even a government at all if not to look out for the well being of our most-vulnerable citizens? In fact, if you’re this guy, why have faith in Christianity at all when Christianity so vehemently calls you to help those exact people?

Those Christian beliefs having consequences in this country always seems to mean consequences for others because of Christians. The consequence for Christians is that they end up more indignant and intolerant of others.

Embarrassed that I guessed the wrong James Joyce novel as my final Jeopardy answer, but then it turned out no one even guessed a Joyce novel so I feel slightly better about myself.

When my grandpa did this in public my grandma would yell at him to no end. This is Melania’s job. It’s the only satisfaction she’ll get from that man.

I think more people who are on the news should opt for the pixelated face and distorted voice option. Just because it would be funny if they were doing a piece on the community garden and there was a community gardener with a pixelated face and one of those deep, videotape voices.

Going around telling people “These things have to happen every 150 years or so.” In reference to civil wars.

This should not be possible. Science has gone too far

*People actively take to the streets, putting their money where their mouth is, putting themselves directly in harm’s way in order to show that they will not bow to fascism* This guy: “Fuck that shit, it means nothing. You know what does have meaning? Posting.”

The truest thing @spocksbrian.worstpossible.world ever said to me was “I, too, love Raymond.” And I feel this same way in my soul.

@spocksbrian.worstpossible.world I thought for sure this was going to end with your “spooky wookie skeleton joke” but you fooled me!

At risk of being a stereotype, we have always hated Columbus because, just like Furio said, he was from the north. And in true Sicilian fashion, my old grandad taught the family to hate the north or anyone who had money.

When I moved to Chicago it didn’t take long before I realized how much more interesting the city is than what the rest of the world sees. Right now I really wish we were boring.

If you’ve ever been even remotely creative in your life you’ll wholeheartedly agree with the man who created arguably the greatest television show of all time. I’d rather die than let a robot write for me, and I’m a shitty writer.

It’s so weird that millions of people in this country vehemently go to bat for the ghouls running our government. Especially when their own relatives are always coming out and saying, “Oh yeah, he’s always been a piece of shit. We knew he was evil by the time he was 5.”

Thanks to @spocksbrian.worstpossible.world for reminding me how much of a banger Mambo Number 5 is.

If my grandmother had wheels she would have been a bike

This is what happens when the kid who had no friends because he was genuinely unpleasant to be around, grows up. They’re just as bitter and angry, but they’re taller and bald now. They weren’t liked because of who they were inside, and now they need to take it out on the rest of the world.

For years people have been complaining about television becoming grayer and darker. Today they’ve gone too far.

He does have lore. I know. I was there. The number of Mountain Dew Code Reds I’ve seen him consume counts as lore.

Most of my life I’ve just thought of the fbi as evil. Now they’re evil and not very good at most things, and it’s really interesting and terrifying.

You know, there is only one thing I can say after the week we have had here in America. I can’t believe Joe Biden has done this.

I remember 9/11 as if it were just 24 years ago this very day

I don’t know why everyone is freaking out. He’s actually just on Little St. James again.

The president is in the Oval Office looking like Arthur Digby Sellers, and the secret service is currently asking Barron Trump if this is his homework they found lodged in the seat of Air Force One.

I don’t know what the national guard will expect if they’re sent to Chicago. Last time they were here all the did was ignore the poor Jewel Osco manager as he was accosted by an unhinged man being removed from the store. They smoked their cigars and just fucking watched.

Just like science, art is whatever we want it to be.

Tracy Jordan on Larry King Live is one of the funniest things ever put on television. The two of them together are so unbelievably good.

The leopards never get their fill of face

Liz Lemon saying she has some Trix up her sleeve and it turns out to be the cereal is one of the best things ever put on television

In true Cuomo fashion, people loudly told him no, but that’s not going to stop him from continuing anyway.

Italians know these words at birth

In the words of Dr. Spaceman, “The Bible is whatever we want it to be.”

I’m tired of this life and of this world. I’m tired of these people and the evils they commit. This Fourth of July I’m shoving as many fireworks as I can fit up my ass and blowing my colon to kingdom come.

Like Hitler hosting a tea party outside of Dachau.

I have no followers on here, so no one will see this, but this whole war with Iran thing is the manufactured consent a fascist regime needs to keep power indefinitely, and it appears to be so intentionally inept that it has protected Putin’s true Iranian assets at the same time.

OH MY GOD

WHO KEEPS GIVING NATHAN FIELDER UNLIMITED MONEY?!?

My dad has been fucking up my HBO recently watched page and I can’t really complain that he’s using my profile because it’s his account, and his house, and his tv, and his couch, and I’m fucking up those so we’re even.

Ok, this has gone too far. Nathan Fielder needs to be locked up.

After watching the first episode of the second season of The Rehearsal, I have come to the conclusion that Nathan needs to be locked up in an institution somewhere. He is far too dangerous to the public.

Holy shit, they gave Gideon the sweetest outfit for his preaching.

BJ just keeps getting better and better. Pole dancing, mustache. My god

Each new season of Righteous Gemstones

I will be happy to see my child just as soon as it has grown large enough for me to use it as a human shield. You know the rules, bitch.