A rising tide cranks all hogs

Alright, everybody who HASN'T sucked Bill Clinton's Dick raise your hand

Hideous singles in your area wish you'd shut up and fuck off.

If I was Microsoft I'd be reeeeaaaal nervous about how well Proton works out of the box

Please do not read too much into my facial hair. I just don't have my life together is all.

Imagining a guy whose pet name for his wife is "chat"

"Either Shave OR Nut November, But Not Both On The Same Day; You Gotta Choose" isn't really taking off online like I'd hoped

Inside every manosphere influencer, there are two wolves fighting for dominance. One is TRT, and the other is Propecia. Both of them sponsor his podcast about crypto/traditional family values.

DC went with "Dark Arrow" for the evil version of Green Arrow, completely ignoring the obvious slam dunk option: Mean Arrow. And we wonder why Marvel movies are better, SMH.

Spotify is trying to gaslight me into confusing AJJ and AJR.

"It's always darkest before the dawn" What, at night time? Yeah dude, no shit

The Phantom of the Opera is living rent free inside my mind, chat.

We put a Kennedy in charge of the department of living a long time.

He is rizzin' indeed, fam; no cap.

I feel like Gaston's probably really struggling right now financially. Egg budget for Q2 is already shot I suspect.

Haha, I am suffering.

I made this when I got vasectomied

Calling it a "non-dominant hand" feels like you're just doing extra work to avoid calling it a submissive hand.

Dog content

(to the tune of Be Our Guest from Disney's Beauty and the Beast) Give me fuel! Give me fire! Give me that which I desire! Hi, my name's James Hetfield and I'd like to join the choir.

The plot similarities between Margaret Atwood 's The Handmaid's Tale and 3DO's BattleTanx are striking and meaningful.

"The more you sweat in peacetime, the more slippery you'll be when baddies try to grab you" - ARMY

I descend from the mountain top holding aloft two stone tablets. On one is written "VANILLA SELTZER" and on the other "IS GROSS"

Wanna feel old? There are people that are younger than you. Suck on that you decrepit old dustfuck.

An excerpt from Leonard Cohen's rhyming dictionary while writing Hallelujah: -Do ya -Overthrew ya -Knew ya -Screw ya -Dew ya (mountain) -Blew ya -Kahlua -Big Tuba

Found more Christmas Content, year unknown.

An amuse bouche!? Fuck yeah, dude; I love getting my bouche amused!

Getting my ass kicked by a townie outside of Game On cuz I called his bud light a skinny girl PBR.

"Go big or fuck off" - New England Johnny Tsunami

I got my wisdom teeth removed and now I'm dumb as shit

Christmas Content, 2019, Partie Deux

Christmas Content, 2021

Christmas Content, 2020

Christmas Content, 2019

Between 3 and 5 podcasters I like have given Bluesky a "hey, it's better than Twitter by some metrics" level of endorsement, so I'll be uprooting my entire online identity to immigrate to this new social platform, which I'm sure will never betray my trust.

Go big, or lie - assert that you have always gone big, that nobody goes as big as you go, and that anybody who says otherwise is simply jealous because they go small itsy bitsy teenie tiny

Can't believe the.Burl Ives cover of Santa Baby gets less radio play than the Eartha Kitt version.

Mixing blocks of cheddar cheese into a pan of pesto and telling people it's palak paneer until somebody questions me.

Frank Herbert's Goon (The Hockey Movie, Not Tantric Masturbation): Part 2

"Bussy" getting more social media clout than "she-nis" is misogyny.

Can't throw a Twitter without hittin' two more Twitters around here these days damn.