2025 checklist: Eat healthier ❌ Sell multiple TV series ✔️ Kick a Nazi in the balls ❌ (but there's still time!)

I hear your trepidation, sir but this here’s ginuwine fixdat tonic. Triple-brewed in a glabbernox kettle and strained through the finest hogmuck linens. One swig’ll janglify your snucks, fangle your sneeks and have you skippin’ like a blundercoon on fresh-baked fiddleberry pie. Just 2 bits a bottle.

I asked Grok a couple of questions.

I'm really surprised that Trump is covering it up. He's such a standup guy. I thought for sure he'd be like, "All right. You got me. I'm on the list. I did it. I'm ready for prison now".

For the six people who will see this, I just want you to know that Donald Trump is an F'ing liar. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

...What if they were, though? 👀

They're saying the Epstein files were in there.

This doesn't seem sus at all.

My review of The Inevitable Defeat of Mister & Pete. #Filmsky

⤵️ Check below for an "All Vampires Matter" post. ⤵️

I see some Bluesky users are doing that old 'follow thousands of people then unfollow them Twitter trick' to make their accounts seem bigger. I'm not mad at it. Get yours how you get yours, I guess. You're not getting me, though.

I wouldn't be surprised if the Bucks swept the Pacers but I'm just gonna say Bucks in Six out of respect for the nation. #FearTheDeer

Man. George Soros is going to be broke after today.

LeBron James vs Stephen A. Smith

Just because you're ordering airstrikes doesn't mean you're not hungry, I guess.

America watching intel officials lie to the Senate and get away with it.

After some cursory research, it seems Trump and Musk could be turning their supporters into Travis Bickle clones.

Same joke. Different results. What does it mean? I have no idea. I have double the followers on Threads. That could be why, I guess. My corny jokes always get more 👀's there. Who has the tips and tricks to unlock Bluesky?

He stole the Declaration of Independence... He found a city of gold... Now, France needs him to steal the biggest symbol of freedom the world has ever known.

"Welcome, oh fortunate few! You may enter our hallowed grounds if you're white, wealthy, and can afford the five million dollar subscription fee."

This can't be true. All I ever hear about is how the lamestream, left-wing, liberal media controls everything. 😏

If you need more reasons to be anti-Tesla, remember when *Tupac said "F Tesla as a staff, record label, and as a motherf'n crew". *citation needed.

That time in 2023 when I tried to draw the Cybertruck from memory.

So I was at the airport minding my biz when Random White Woman waiting to board sees me in line. RWW: Are you zone one? ME: BITCH, SHUT YO ASS UP! Then I threw a chunk of watermelon at her, sagged my pants and strutted onto the plane. I mean that's probably what she's going to tell her friends.

Cold blooded. Wow.

Republicans, Democrats, they all want the same thing. The only difference is one of the parties doesn't care about how they look getting it.

Mickey 17 had some interesting ideas but I wish the story was better.

As long as they spell it right on the Oscar. 😜

My heart says Tesla is done. My head says the system is so corrupt that the stock price will double when Musk Tweets that CyberTruck horns have been upgraded to have surround sound fart noises.

Democrats and Republicans probably having secret meetings about how to stop Bernie Sanders.

Just landed right side up during the Musk administration 🙏🏾

Those Beyonce Levis commercials should win an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony I don't care. 👀

Nobody gets more work during a Trump administration than lawyers.

Someday our grandkids will talk about Tesla like we talked about Blackberry phones and Enron.

I know that straight women are not only attracted to men for their looks because this man's face looks like the clay surface they play the French Open on.

Some of you think things are just now getting bad, but I'm here to tell you that things have

Watching "The Apprentice" (2024) and they put that scene in the movie.

No offense to this democrat house rep, but I don't think he's built for this moment in time. He's not the only one. That party is filled with antiquated thinkers who will wait until a bully finishes punching them in the face, then offer to shake their hand.

They're eating the transgender dogs. They're eating the transgender cats.

I'm sorry for my vulgar language, everyone. 🫣

@profanity.accountant show me my PG-13 swears.

Shooting Nazis.

You could have voted for a $25,000 credit towards the down payment on a home. Instead, you voted to lose your job. You are a dumbass.

I guess you could say sales are… down under. 🤓