it's finally summer, the sun is out and i have a 500 dollar limit on my credit card. life is good boys

does anyone else get this feeling? it's such a gut punch to be reminded that you were a kid too. you were in fact, that little at one point. that you, at that age just had to cope and move on because it was only going to happen again.

accidentally stayed up all night again.

i can't smoke at the function 😔

being around kids makes me so sad sometimes. i'm at a family thing rn and me and a few others are watching the little ones and jfc i remember being 7 years old. this little girl is the age i was when i was sa'd.

i should get therapy. i want to be well enough to be a dad someday i think

accidentally stayed up all night

i wanna get drunk again

crying again.

life sucks.

wanting to travel but also being trans sucks because i have to google whether or not i have my rights in certain countries 🧍🏻‍♂️

wine and history videos. it's a good evening

GETTING MY KT TAPE TODAY. LETS GO I CAN BIND AND NOT DIE OF HEATSTROKE

oohhhhhh the urge to get another piercing. god help me. this is why i'm always broke, i love body mods, nicotine and alcohol too much.

my dad buying me booze in secret like i'm a teenager as if i'm not 20 and have my own damn money 😭

genuinely i cannot just keep using my headphones to drown out the music when i comes on. how do i even cope with this? it doesn't happen often. but i talked to my mom about it and she was, to say, very fucking unhelpful.

i should find a therapist

so my moms drunk and playing elvis and i literally almost had a panic attack. i wanna ask her to stop but i also really don't like talking about my relationship trauma with my drunk mother. so. headphones it is.

wow i feel like shit. who knew getting several ounces of my blood removed would do that

getting my blood stolen before work lol

bro i hate my job so much ts sucks ass.

work schedule is fucked so i had to move my doctors appointment to the 27th. i mean i'll still be on T by the second week of june but it's annoying as fuck that i have to wait two extra weeks for my blood tests

im stuck at work till midnight tonight. fucking great

i hate elvis. i hate it so much and they know that. they know why i hate it. they know and it makes me feel like shit

my parents are playing elvis. i wanna tell them to stlp

random spencer lore. i almost got final destinationed during a wind storm. almost got crushed by a metal door

pirating games is so fucking annoying

i am still hungover lol

my parents are drunk and being annoying. save me. at least when i drink i stay quiet in my bedroom or i sleep it off at my friends house

i hate drunk me. texted my ex-friend who won't talk to me.

yooo some guy gave me a smoke hell yeah

im not sober hahh behahah

rum and coke. hopefully i don't get drunk enough to face reveal on this acc lol

ok i'm gonna go to bed. gn yall

i've been doing a lot of crying lately. life isn't great. but i persist

i have a headache from crying

so i can't take my cat with me when i move. i have to leave my sweet little man with my parents probably indefinitely. and that really hurts.

drinking diet coke and trying not to lose my brain lol

i'm so anxious for no reason. i'm so scared and all fucked up in the head ahhhhhhhhhh goddamnit

how the FUCK i even have friends is astounding to me

both my parents are ND and i literally got the worst combo. my mom's on the spectrum but she's social enough and doesn't care enough about her weirdness that people just think she's a little eccentric.

my spamming turned from "scared of my mom" to "wow autism sucks" lmao

and another fuckin' thing. walking is literally just painful. like almost all of the goddamn time theres some level of pain that comes with being upright and moving around.

can't tell if i can't get a job because i'm autistic and bad at interviews or if i'm literally just that fucking unskilled that not even the gas station wants me

damn i'm ugly and useless. i need to pick a struggle atp

me rn. i feel so listless and i'm spam posting about it while also just sitting in silence

help

sorry for the spam lol i'm going insane because im worthless

my entire life i've just tried to do as i'm told and hide anything else so i don't get in trouble and now i dont even know how to tell my parents i like...have ambitions and ideas and things i wanna do with my life

i can't even muster up the courage to tell my mom i want to move because i'm so terrified of being yelled at like i'm a child, i'm 20 and still getting nearly panic attack level anxiety when i do something she doesn't like