getting drunk w mt buddy

starting to feel anxious again about my job situation. i hope i'll at least have a decent last paycheck

so my brother is officially in the hospital.

i still feel so lost. quit or burn myself out. both suck. and both screw me over.

hello im alive guys

i keep getting lost in my own mind and things to drown out my own thou and i forget im alive. i hate myself for screwing everything up

this is real. this is real. im fucking it all up and i can't go back. why am i doing this im fucking everything up

i don't have any energy right now.

i can't move or im going to relapse so im sitting stock still.

my entire life is falling apart so quickly what do i even do. how do i cope with my depression getting worse, my brother being hospitalized, and losing my job all in the span of about a week?

i need to feel something. but i have nothing to make this emptiness go away, no alcohol, no bl4des, no substances to make me feel anything. i hate this i hate being this way i hate being alive right now

ive cried so much in the past couple days i dont even have the energy for it anymore

everything sucks right now. i hate this. fucking hate everything. i wish i could just be normal goddamn person

i wanna hurt myself

feeling very empty

both my moms kids r gonna end up in psych wards by the end of this year.

i can't even talk to my mom about the issue with my job. she's leaving for a week and won't be here to help. im such a child i should be able to make decisions on my own.

being autistic makes literally every aspect of my life harder :(

hey serious question, how do i price art? im probably gonna start selling my drawings and idek what my drawings would be worth. they each take me a couple hours (anywhere between 4 and 10 depending on the project and how quickly i work) so like???

i need a solid, tangible routine for a job to be something i can do. but while also not being wildly overstimulating. what can i even fucking do i don't understand. help. why am i so useless

part of me wonders if i should have ever left my old job but then i remember how overstimulating being there was. and just how gross i felt, i smelled like cleaner, beer and cigarettes constantly.

ok i seriously think i might not even be able to work right now. i should really get help, maybe a doctor and a diagnosis would help me figure out what i can even do.

should i just eat my feelings? idk what to do man. i can't afford to quit but i can't afford to get fired either. but that place is too fast-paced for me to function in so idk what to do

i don't understand why ppl think im making excuses when they ask why i did something/messed up and then i answer them honestly. what what do you even want me to say????? you asked me why and i answered i don't get ut

trying to explain to your boss that no you aren't purposely screwing up and that you're just kinda slow is a -100/10 do not recommend.

all i wanna do is binge. and maybe relapse or something idk

got fired lmao. well not technically, my boss said i can either quit on wednesday or stay and work through christmas. but i know i won't be able to handle it, i can't think or move that quickly without getting overwhelmed. which would get me fired given i've already proven myself to be inadequate.

got im going to lose my MIND at this job. last one was gross this one is overly complicated oh my god why can't i find a job that doesn't make me wanna blow my shit smoove off

i hate that i have to mask so much at work. like i really gotta shove the tism into a box everytime im there

fuck i forgot my knee brace. oh my shift today is gonna suck

hi! ✨ i’m a 26 y/o disabled, queer woman in desperate need of financial help for my medical bills. i have SpA, POTs, hEDS, PCOS, Endometriosis, Fibromyalgia, & more. i’m unable to work & don’t get disability benefits (because my state sucks). anything helps! here’s my GoFundMe! 🩵 gofund.me/73fb8b8b

im talking to this guy and its like, going rlly well heheheheh

well once again i barely slept, wtf

gn guysss

gonna try to break my 60 hour liquid fast record, wish me luck guys

like wdym you can just buy ozempic and shit on the internet that cannot be fucking real dude

the fact that you can just buy all kinds of medication online is freaky like...what??????

dreading work tomorrow. god i feel like a child hiding from my mom again. why am i like this?

does anyone know what i mean? it sends me into an emotional tailspin. and i just feel like a child again, i feel afraid and guilty and worthless. or if its my ex all that fear and anxiety floods back and i start to panic until im positive shes gone/was never even there.

i don't wanna go to work on saturday. im scared of my boss like i was scared of my mother as a child and i hate myself for it. one bad conversation and i feel like im 10 years old again.

how do i even deal with this

addiction and mental illness run in my family (on both sides) so im genuinely surprised im not more fucked up tbh

i think im gonna start crying at work again on saturday but for a totally different reason than last time. and if i do how do i explain to my manager that "yeah sorry im crying becuz my brother is having a psychotic episode and may off himself" LIKE??????WHAT????

our mom is flying out to get him committed. im so fucking scared. he may be kind of a pick but he helped raise me and im kicking myself for burning the polaroid i had of him a few years ago because i was 17 and angry.

life is really kicking me in the metaphorical balls rn. my boss is a jerk, my mental health is going down the shitter AND my brother is literally losing his mind halfway across the country.

how is my mom so good at both validating the fact that yeah i have a lot of emotions while simultaneously making me feel like shit for having/expressing them? how is that even possible?

gonna clean my room so i don't get screamed at like a child brb

well since i am not a functional person im gonna burn myself out this weel trying to please my mom. it always happens. why am i like this lmao

anyways yeah so i went from my boss calling me a liar to my mom getting angry at me because didn't know she needed something. great.

my mom has this weird habit of not communicating she's upset about something until she starts yelling and like...how do you expect me to know you're upset about something if you never tell me and then also get mad at me for being confused or upset when you randomly start getting angry at me