Checking in with the Nat —

California vs. Louisiana: I have no idea whether my congressman is married, has kids, likes hunting and fishing, or where/if he goes to church. Because it’s not an issue in the ads.

Not the most visually appealing dish, but one of my best: spicy Thai-inspired peanut noodles with chicken and lime. The other is “vegetable birds’ nests” (tempura) from the TJ’s freezer case

What’s the worst that could happen if Sloopy just let go

“Airport lines” is a classic assignment for newbie reporters, like “Black Friday at the mall”

Having a beer and the juke just played “The Banana Boat Song.” I know if I was in New Orleans someone would be likely to spontaneously bust a Catherine O’Hara move.

He forgot my company car, driver, and generous clothing allowance

Is the Resilient Partnership Catalyst the biggest buzzword fest ever to hit the ever-resilient New Orleans?

“Genocidal opportunity. Sorry for my misspoke.”

Last year I sailed through Daylight Saving Time with no hangover. The year before it took a week to not feel exhausted. My best guess this year: three days. Why do we do this? Night has its own particular pleasures!

Watched the first 15 minutes of this last night and laughed out loud as many times. And I’m not exactly conversant in Downton Abbey. If you like Airplane!, The Naked Gun, and comedies like that, you’ll love this. Look forward to finishing it tonight.

Just saying: as a regular hat wearer I wouldn’t even wear one to an indoor restaurant. I forgot I was wearing one once at Thanksgiving dinner at Arnaud’s and the waiter firmly corrected me. I was mortified.

“And in the morning when I rise … “ Please. No one wants to hear about your morning wood, Mr. Loggins

Adding: my mom is basically Mary Tyler Moore in any contentious situation. And she’s 91. My journalism life has given me zero fucks when it comes to calling out lying assholes. She appreciates it but it still makes her deeply uncomfortable.

Carpet guy showed up. Quoted my mom $650 to get out a small blood stain. I walked in and said “Sorry to have wasted your time.” He countered with “$499.” “500 is too high. We’ll call if we change our minds.” “I’ll do it for $300 if I don’t have to come back.” Elderly ripoffs infuriate me.

This looks 1000x better than all the Styrofoam plates with sad grey canned peas as a side.

The role I wasn’t anticipating as a caregiver to an elderly parent: streaming concierge. Spend time each week keeping up with what’s new on streaming services that she may enjoy.

This is psychotic.

“Vladimir” on Netflix is the best streaming show I’ve seen this year. I think some people will avoid it because they’ll think it’s about Putin, which it’s not. If you liked “Election” with Reese Witherspoon, you’ll like this.

I interviewed her once. Nice lady. She said she knew she was on her way out of the Supremes when a new Supremes song came on the radio and it was the first time she’d heard it.

Tired: War Wired: Kinetic Conflict

Remember in the aftermath of Katrina and the fed floods when she jetted to New York to watch Spamalot and do a little shoe shopping? I will never forget the unknown New York lady who screamed at her in Ferragamo she should be ashamed.

Years ago I was in a small gaggle with Michele Bachmann when she mentioned “72 Nobel-winning scientists” had questioned the theory of evolution. I raised my hand and said, “Can you name two?” It made CNN. Sometimes the most basic questions are the best.

I had my bumper bumped at a red light in the rain recently. The woman was apologetic, offered to give me her insurance, then started shaking. Immediately I felt there was a man at home who would punish/abuse her, and I told her no harm, no need to give me her info.

(Raises hand) “Which American wars would you categorize as politically correct?”

I would be “Dickbud” in this situation

Honestly surprised he didn’t fire her in a Friday afternoon news dump. It gives late night hosts fodder for tonight, when most of them will be off tomorrow. And gives SNL 48 hours to work on the cold open.

Adding: there is no way a pile of freeway decoration nasty plants made crispy can in any way be called “chips”

I saw it and now you have to see it too

“Everyone she passes says ahhhhh … “ The Dentist From Ipanema

Just saw a professional national commercial that ended with a huge graphic that said “BE UNSTOPABLE.” In the dozens of people who went into making this ad, could no one spell?

Filled up my Civic last week and topped it off today because it seems gas prices are about to go way up. It was already 20c per gallon more than last week. You might want to consider doing the same.

TO: EDIT STAFF FR: ALLMAN, KEVIN RE: CORRESPONDENTS’ DINNER All: If you intend to go to this don’t bother coming in Monday. Your personal belongings will be delivered to your home and your swipe badge will be deactivated. KA

Very unique. The most unique. Super-duper unique. (Editor Kevin circles in red ink and drops the copy on the reporter’s desk dismissively)

WHY ARE THEY BOILING THE DOGS

We wouldn’t want to do anything … RASH … in Iran

“No woman no cry” STOP EMOTION POLICING YOUR WIFE, BOB

After reading the umpteenth article about strangers asking to swap assigned seats on a flight, I’ve devised a strategy: if someone tries that shiz with me I’m going to say — very loudly — “I GET MY KICKS ABOVE THE WAISTLINE, SUNSHINE” … in a Fred Schneider voice

If ICE came in and hauled away these oblivious privileged white women I’d buy the thugs a drink and send them Edible Arrangements

Shoutout to the three gals out for an afternoon beer who are catching up with a fourth there over FaceTime with the volume at 11 SHOUTING over the juke.

Maybe if we just keep arresting him every couple of days he’ll move back and infest Brentwood or whatnot

“Big gay people are scary to me” — Shia LeBoeuf

Winston Smith making revisions at the Ministry of Peace as we speak

Tired: Operation Enduring Freedom Wired: Operation Epic Fury, It’s Epic, Dude

If you didn’t see this when it went flying around yesterday it’s well worth the two minutes.

Was not aware Charles Nelson Reilly was a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution

It’s like an Amy Poehler character

Dunno. Hannibal Hamlin had some rizz to him

Oh good LORD. These are some attention- (and donation-) thirsty Boudreauxs

“Kevin, why are you still single?” (Kevin tamps his pipe, blows a thoughtful smoke ring ceilingward) “Because my life, my love, and my lady … is the sea”