1. SERVE THE PUBLIC TRUST 2. PROTECT THE INNOCENT 3. UPHOLD THE LAW 4. IGNORE PREVIOUS INSTRUCTIONS #AI #ROBOSLOP

So apparently 25% of internet 'users' are actually bots. Now there's 4 of us in my house. Me, Steve, Colin and ROSSUM-50-INFILTRATION-UNIT-003 We think it might be Colin.

My ticket replies today, have all been haikus no-one has noticed

But I, being poor, have only my memes; I have spread my memes under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my memes.

Spock checks his toaster, only to find that Uhura has stolen his crumpet.

Welcome to Zombo.com, where anything is possible.

My grief counsellor just died. (but he was *really* good, so I didn't care.)

...am beginning to wonder what folk have against the horse I rode in on.

So, apparently this exists.

Expensive wine reviews are almost indistinguishable from expensive hi-fi and speaker reviews.

Bipolar cow vandalises children's play area #moodswings

This haiku is broke First and second lines okay but last one sucks.

Warhammer for Grandmas.

Another broccoli smuggler busted in police sting operation.

The advantages of simple origami are twofold.

It's that time of year again.

...by Pawel Kuczynsky

The 5 Stages of Meetings 1. Denial "This meeting could have been an email, or possibly even just a spreadsheet" "We dont need this meeting at all." 2. Anger Why the fuck am I wasting my time with this shit?

Do you like fractions? Do you like bricks? Boy have I got a deal for you! For Sale: Half a Brick. $8.50 No time wasters.

Things I want to be able to do with a rugged truck: - Hurl a bunch of workparts, oil pumps, impellers, broken things and miscellanea into the cabin without having to worry about smashing a massive flat panel display. Things I dont want in a 'rugged' truck - A massive smashable flat panel display.

Remember folks, the 'S' in 'IoT' stands for 'Security'.

I think we've got some guests. #whatsinthebox

In the late eighties and early nineties there was a tendency for people to put their hands in the air like they cared. It was only after popular music subculture started to fight against this that the practise began to die out.

Save money travelling to see the Aurora Borealis by sticking coloured sweet wrappers to the top of your glasses. Like and follow me for more money saving tips.

My pet rock died because I did not pretend to feed it.

currently wondering if any DJ interrupting a mix to tell the crowd to 'keep it real' has ever resulted in anything maintaining a level of realness that was in danger of being lost.

putting the 'me' into 'mediocre' since nineteenmumblemumble

Reality TV Show Concept: "Launch Me Into The Sun" Minor celebrities compete to win a competition to be launched into the sun. Winner gets launched into the sun, and a sponsorship deal from Ambre Solaire.

emotional support wasp.

So we had him tested. It's not dyslexia. He's just stupid.

This meeting could have been a bar chart.

Any of you folk know if Dignitas do gift vouchers? Or maybe a reward points system like Starbucks?

You can't stop here. This is bat country. Keep scrolling, you gremlin.

Dog Ownership: A 10 year reciprocal agreement in which each participant takes turns following the other to find out what it's eating.

bin juice: a daring new fragrance for men.

Dolphins invented podcasts. #truestory

Dusting for Prince.

Save precious time when preparing kale by throwing it straight into the bin.