"Weeerrrlll, it's loike this, Ed, Oi were so aaarrpy with Nic, and I donwanna miss when Ar Geeeeaarge kicks the berket, it'd be whaaart she wanned... An I donwanna be aaarrpy, naaaht wi'out Nic, evern when Geeeeeeeaarge comesome an kaaaarks it on the sofer..." #TheArchers #ShakeListenersToTheCore

Ugh, Grundy slop... #TheArchers

All together now... "It's what Nic would have wanted...." #TheArchers

George hasn't been all right for the last 19 years, Ed, whatever makes you think he will be now? #TheArchers

Ah, he still says "Alright!" then? #TheArchers

Much and all that I hate to stick up for Hellqueen, she was in custody awaiting trial, not properly banged up. #TheArchers

George hated a rival, Henwee! #TheArchers

Henwee, think about what he did you little twerp! #TheArchers

Wiwyum went mad years ago, but nobody noticed... #TheArchers

And you're hoping to be there when George dies, Wiwyum? #TheArchers

In case he needs anything, Wiwyum? What, like a proper battering? #TheArchers

Oh dear, does this mean Hellqueen is going to try some parenting? #TheArchers

Keira's whereabouts are presently unknown... Oh, at the hospital. And so is Henwee... #TheArchers

Helen, if it was too hot you'd moan... #TheArchers

Ed, Keerer ran away because of George, why would she want to go an visit him? #TheArchers

No air in the ward? If only that were so... #TheArchers

You can't hire George because he's been smacked round the head! Or for any other reason... #TheArchers

Blimey, who's pissed on Henwee's chips? #TheArchers

There's frost at Bridge Farm. Oh dear, has Tom nationalised Tony's train set? #TheArchers

Evening all. A little bit of culture for tonight's quiz... Orsino, Viola and Feste are all characters in which Shakespeare play? Answer at 7:15! #TheArchers

Helen has reservations. Is she thinking about inviting Finlay down to meet Dane...? #TheArchers

Will's behaviour causes concern. And not before time! #TheArchers

Gentle readers and #TheArchers listeners. It will not turn out to be Markie.

Medicinal beer. I swear by it... #TheArchers

Oh, Brian... the sooner he moves back into the Home farmhouse with Miranda the better. #TheArchers

Yes, Wiwyum has to go and mope by the deathbed... Oh, sorry... I do get ahead of myself... #TheArchers

Lavinia Rafferty? The one whose schnauzer Alistair had a brief interest in? #TheArchers

So, who is the Phantom CCTV Wiper? My money's still on Fallon... Ooooh, Carpet? #TheArchers

Quite right Brian! I shall be packing my glass baubles very carefully tomorrow... #TheArchers

You weren't being patronised, Brian. Now go and sit down in the chair with a nice cup of tea... #TheArchers

"He's had some problems with his angina..." #TheArchers

Oh Alice, you used to be a noted artist. Of sorts. #TheArchers

Ah, Tony, such gloriously faint praise... #TheArchers

Oh, of course Jennidahling had the best tree! And wreath! #TheArchers

There's an epiphany for Alice. How very seasonal! #TheArchers

Joy has a suggestion. "Oh, there's so many people it could have been, and such opportunity to get hold of a bottle, there's no chance of catching whoever hit George, so let's just have a cup of tea and some biscuits..." #TheArchers

Tony offers the benefit of his experience. "Well, Ed, I know this is a difficult time for you, I mean when my John died..." "George isn't dead!" "Don't focus on the negatives..." #TheArchers

There's a gap in the CCTV? Oh my... #TheArchers

Oh, the CCTV. What fun... #TheArchers

Lots more people outside Ambridge hate you, too, Incel... #TheArchers

No, we don't know why they stopped, either, Incel... #TheArchers

"The brewery"... Ooo-kay. #TheArchers

"People change" Apparently not George... #TheArchers

Alice, dear girl, Incel was always a little shit. #TheArchers

If she says babe again, I may need a new radio... #TheArchers

He's not your best mate any more, Incel... #TheArchers #TruthAndLies

Incel, we all know what's wrong with you. You're an arsehole. #TheArchers

And there's the nastiness again... "You... and Brad" #TheArchers

Ah, the self-pity survived... Pass me a bottle of Chardonnay. #TheArchers

Oh, George... nearly everyone wants you dead. #TheArchers