One of the most memorable scenes in the history of cinema. RIP Sam Neill

I buy gifts for people at the last minute because I absolutely cannot stand the suspense of not immediately giving them the gift. What do you mean I have to wait to see the joy I caused? I want to do it NOW.

I hate when you are really thirsty, but also you really have to pee. Like, make up your mind, do I contain too much water or not enough?

Physically I'm at work, but mentally I'm in that void when Fortnite doesn't load properly and you're under the island somehow.

I'm spending the day at work cleaning today, and with each passing second my standard for what qualifies as "clean" is diminishing.

Yes, the plan is all coming together...

Decided to try Fortnite, see what all the fuss is about. It's actually pretty fun.

Saying 2026 sounds fucking fake. That's a year? Get real.

Nothing says "The day before Thanksgiving" quite like your water heater rupturing and flooding the basement. Super.

I installed new switches, flipped the first one, works great. Flipped the second one, and the first switch caught fire. How's your Friday going?

Today is Drop Day. On this day in 2077, the bombs fell in the Fallout universe.

Taking my Tylenol and Motrin with a redbull because I need to get something done today.

So my coworker has been telling me about the Catgirl that lives next door to him. She's a woman who wears cat ears and lives in the trailer park next to where he lives. I ship my coworker and his Catgirl neighbor, because obviously I do.

Sometimes, usually while looking at my bills, I can't help but wonder if I'm too ugly to start an OnlyFans.

I'm so irrationally upset about being excluded from a space I really didn't want to be in the first place.

I literally have done nothing with this account except create it. The only information it has is an email and phone number that have never been associated with a Facebook account before, and a picture of my face. WTF. Like, at least tell me why?

Many years ago I lost my Facebook account. I couldn't recover it because I no longer had access to the email or phone number that I used when I signed up. Whatever. No big deal. Who needs Facebook, right?

I joke about how 60% of my job is literally being the only person in the building that will actually read the fucking instructions, but goddamn.

One of the really exciting things about this path I'm on is that I'm learning whole new ways to feel bad about myself, so that's something, I guess.

Ignorance is bliss, but bliss probably isn't something to strive for.

Sometimes I forget that other people can hear my music when I have the windows down in the car, until I'm listening to something explicit and I look over and the soccer mom in the car next to me at the stoplight is frantically rolling up her windows and giving me a dirty look.

Happy fucking Fathers Day to me.

In my professional opinion, the problem with this building is that the wiring is haunted. Just the wiring. The rest of the building is cool. But the wires have like a thousand ghosts in them.

Is there a greater joy than running into an unusual problem, and then remembering that you impulse bought a tool for exactly this situation a decade ago and never once used? (I mean, probably. But that just happened to me and I'm pretty happy with it.)

The problem with having a Wednesday off from work is that now Thursday feels like Monday.

Today at work a member of the IT department asked me "Does a power strip come with the part that plugs into the wall?" He had just bought a new power strip and hadn't opened it yet. This man almost certainly makes more money than I do.