My only 2 options are Olde Western Brothel Worker or 1940s Sunday School Teacher. There's just no inbetween.

The amount of betrayal I feel when a shirt/dress from the plus size clothing store doesn't fit is so soul crushing. My boobs are too big for the store that purposefully makes big clothes for big bitches????? Oh, ok!!!

To celebrate they should restock the fucking slinky dog headbands at the parks.

First day back at work. Sucks.

Ok I did miss this about California. A burrito the size of my head

Being driven to the airport against my will

Messing up all the tv algorithms before I leave

M&M (me & @mearn.me)

Showing up early to get barricade for the Country Bear Jamboree

Tryna get a photo of the Disney Christmas Tree but a certain Vice President just died...

Telling the woman who works in the Star Wars park where all the Gonk Droids are located because I instinctually sniffed them all out immediately like a blood hound.

At the Mearn Pavilion

I almost cried

My favorite Disney property, Aerosmith!!

THERE WERE NO CARS

Not a muppet! Or a Mummy! @mearn.me

They gave me a hunting license to shoot ETs (I didn't listen to the pre-ride video)

I got jumpscared by the Cat in the Hat ride

Texting my brother at Margaritaville

Brendan Fraser was in there

ACAB does include the Suessian police force :/

Having my first Arby's

When NASCAR 25 just came out but so did Hello Kitty Island Adventure DLC @mearn.me

Honey, I Shrunk Germany

Legally distinct NOT Chris Hemsworth

I cannot stress enough how distraught this poor woman was

Eating with his little hands like it's a corn on the cob

That's just Spyro's cousin

Asking all the cast members in Epcot France which is the restaurant where the rat cooks the food

He is patiently waiting to ride the Haunted Mansion

The 4 genders

Love this little freak

It's never gonna be Marco's year ever again 😔

In case anyone was wondering, Hulu lets you download episodes of Gilmore Girls to your iPad, but Netflix does not for some reason

Tonight's Girl Dinner is popcorn with Everything Bagel Seasoning and Parmesan. I HIGHLY recommend

There's never been a sleepier dog !

Every Ulta within a 50 mile radius of me is sold out of every brand's fairest porcelain shade foundation. This is a crime against goth girls. During OUR month no less?

The way I just maneuvered my car into the only available pump at the gas station so cool and good, I bet everyone else here is talking about how cool and good it was

I'm the guy whose job it is to contact celebrities to set up these interviews, it's so fucking hard, you wouldn't believe it. I don't know why no one is answering my calls!

What do you mean they made a second Stevie Nicks Barbie and it again sold out in minutes. I'm gonna lose my mind.

I could write multiple novels

She's a bookworm!

The only amount of soup I'm capable of making is Too Much Soup

Time for the yearly Frankenstein rewatch. Time for the yearly reminder of how hot Colin Clive was

Just saw my best friend on the tv @elizablackstock.bsky.social

Obsessed with this woman on Love is Blind who wants to a trad wife who stays at home and NOT do the dishes or clean the house or cook, and then told her future husband he needs to make enough money to pay for her Botox too

Sometimes dinner is just 2 bagels

The funniest thing is I NEVER wear this shirt. Haven't worn in for maybe a year. I saw it in the back of my closet today and it called to me like the green goblin mask, little did I know!

Having such a bad day I've broken out in eczema under my eyes from crying so much 🙃 but unfortunately having a full mental breakdown while wearing an Anakin Skywalker shirt is in fact extremely funny