We all knew he was selling pardons, right? This shouldn't be "news" to anyone. #Trump

The #Packers play defense with all the ferocity of a moist towelette. #NFL

A mol of electrons weighs 0.548mg. #Chemistry

I know a lot of foreigners are asking why the shooting hasn't started. This article should help. I know it might not seem like it from the outside, but we are just not there yet. #Politics en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_...

Consider me a #terrorist

I don't know how to solve all of the political problems in our country, but I feel like these things would help. #PopTartsBowl

A lot of people think #PennState stands for "Pennsylvania State." It's actually short for "Pennetration State." Because of the forcible sodomy.

No matter how much #cocaine you do, it eventually stops working. #WhitneyHouston

For those who doubt the power of #protest, consider this: When I say to my wife, "Let's have sex," and she responds with, "I don't want to," we end up not having sex. Think about it.

I didn't even know she was #Jewish. I thought she was a shitty gentile journalist.

Wasn't it like 6 months ago that #PamBondi said the number of documents in the #Epstein files was zero? Now it's a million. I don't know how we are ever going to adjust back to normal times. Seriously crazy shit happens literally every day now.

White noise is basically a machine saying "SHHH!!" to you. It works.

Happy #BoxingDay everyone!

Have you guys heard that Travis Kelce might be retiring? #Chiefs

This has got to be some kind of record for fewest passing yards in a victory. #Vikings

So who had #JaredGoff committing more turnovers than what's his face (the guy playing for the other team) on their vision board? #NFL

This is a fun football game. One team that can't hang onto the ball vs the team that can't do anything with it. Outstanding. #NFL

If you put a dome over Lambeau someone will fly a plane into it. That's not a threat. It won't be me. I'm just letting you know what's going to happen. #GoPackGo #Packers

The most sickening aspect of the #BariWeiss / #CBSNews debacle is how open she is about her priorities. Catering to (disingenuous) political neutrality is FAR MORE IMPORTANT to her than pursuing the truth.

Washington is doing their best to make this pointless game as boring as possible. #NFL

I like National Lampoon's #Christmas Vacation because Johnny Galecki is one child actor whose life didn't go completely to shit.

When I moved to the south, everyone told me I would hate #Christmas without snow. Everyone was wrong.

If the speaker of the house had any morals, integrity, courage, or love for his country he would be demanding Congress reconvene right now to remove that monster from office. The cowardice of certain Americans in these dark times will not be forgotten. #MikeJohnson

Again, what's it gonna take? #Trump #Epstein

Saw this on TikTok. Analogy time. "I made shit stew and everyone is talking about the floating chunks of poop. Nobody is talking about the fingerling potatoes or the tender beef cubes." #Atheist

They found a million black pieces of paper and just assumed they were the #Epstein files.

This wins the Internet today.

Seriously, what's it gonna take? #ICE

They found glucose on an asteroid. The asteroid never interacted with the Earth. The glucose didn't come from Earth. Life not from this planet made that molecule. This is genuinely one of the biggest discoveries in the history of our species. I'm shocked it isn't getting more coverage.

Watching #DieHard (best #Christmas movie ever) and recalling how cool McClain's Beretta 92 looked when I watched this as a kid. Yes it's a Christmas movie. I will die on this hill.

The #FreeSpeech absolutists in the #GOP can jump in any time.

"...slow news week." Dude, we have not had one single slow news week all year. #BariWeiss is in way over her head. #CBS

Don't know about y'all but mine is sharp and ready to go. #Purge

I have two cats. One is a very stupid orange boy. One is a very smart tortie. I refer to the tortie with the c-word quite a bit. But I promise you she deserves it. #ChristmasEve #HappyHolidays

#Democrats #Epstein

During the second world war, we allied with the communists under the second worst person in history to defeat the nazis under the absolute worst person in history. Victory can't always be achieved with flawless allies.

"I love the uneducated" [18 points underwater] #Trump

The word "president" is just two words after the word "politicians." The hypocrisy has reached levels of efficiency previously thought impossible.

I have said many times that #DonaldTrump could literally eat the children of his followers and they would still support him. Many people thought I was being hyperbolic or overly dramatic. I wonder if anyone still thinks that way. #Epstein

#Republicans don't care that #Trump raped kids. That's undeniable at this point. If they're willing to give him a pass on that, what would be a deal breaker for them? If you're okay with child rape, cancelling elections seems like a pretty minor thing. They will make him a king.

When this country breaks, it will break like a dam. Very slowly at first, but then a sudden deluge. And a lot of people who think they can commit evil acts of impunity in their glass towers will realize how vulnerable they really are. #Purge

If you are taken by federal agents, you have no rights and are not guaranteed due process. Keep that in mind and act accordingly. #Law #ICE

"Angel parents" They're fetishizing (the extremely small number of) people who have been murdered by illegals. Fucking disgusting. #TrumpRegime

#CECOT #60Minutes

Swell. #Venezuela

"Republicans in Congress voted to force Trump's DOJ to release these files after they were heavily edited by Trump's FBI. Also, these files are a Democrat hoax." #Epstein

I'm not into #prayer, but the closest I come is when I have my hands in their fur while they're purring and I say, "I hope you're happy." #CatDad

That's the primary factor in warship design. Aesthetics.

Heads up, #MAGA. Your president is pro #China now.