Conceptually, you’d think more Christians would be open to polyamory.

Some people interpretate the Bible as saying homosexuality aligns with what God calls sin. Everybody interpretates the Bible as saying a nice poly-cotton blend aligns with what God calls sin.

If Trump was president during the Great Depression, he would’ve been talking about how great he’d made the economy while the rest of us were running low on government cheese.

Happy Atheist Day! I can’t wait to celebrate. This is what Atheist Day means to me. ❤️

*I don’t see God as an entity.

Ion-know? Maybe it’s my horrible puns. ⚛️🥁

Christians are always saying we should judge them by their fruits. But their savior wasn’t even able to procure a fig. Where the fuck are his fruits?

According to the Bible, Noah was the first human to see a rainbow. Good thing Noah wasn’t a MAGA Christian. “Eww, gay. Flood it again!” 🌈

If the rapture just pulls everybody straight up, the people in Argentina will be shooting in the exact opposite direction of the people in China. Are they going to different heavens?

Is the raptor coming for all American Christians or just Chris Pratt? Also, classic scene. Mocking himself for being a poorly educated American Christian.

There are zero credible reports (I looked it up) of a sitting United States president ever pooping their pants. He’s gonna be the first shitting United States president.

Chuck Norris was a very poorly educated asshole who blamed his lack of education and hatred for others on his love for Jesus. And he really liked to punch and kick things. So, kinda like Pete Hegseth.

Polar bears aren’t white, they’re transparent? MAGA Christians must hate them! They hate anything that isn’t white, especially if it’s trans.

I am 100% against gay marriage, for myself. But that’s mostly because I’m not gay. If you are gay, that’s probably the best type of marriage for you. 🏳️‍🌈

Why do believers say I’m rejecting God? I’m not rejecting God, I just don’t believe in God. Are you rejecting unicorns? Probably not. Chances are, you just don’t believe in unicorns.

Why would you mock your own sheep? You want your flock to be happy. They’re much easier to fleece when they feel safe. 🐑

MAGA Christianity. 100% against abortion, but they don’t like ‘em too much once they’re born.

Physics class? Maybe the school is doing a real time demonstration of time dilation? Little kids all buzzing around at the speed of light. Squeeze in 35 hours at school and then come home to spend eight hours with their parents. It’s possible. Theoretically. 😂 ⚛️

A lot of people think that Donald Trump was sent to us by God. I don’t think that’s true. But if it is, Trump is definitely his worst plague.

May I ask what made you not believe in unicorns? You had to have a certain event that made you turn against unicorns. 🦄

Is it more likely that Jesus is sending us a bunch of militant assholes to defend his honor, or that a bunch of militant assholes are using Jesus as an excuse to act like militant assholes?

Unrelated, I lost my sanity long before I lost my hair.

Calling you a cis man so is far from an insult, it’s just a technical term. You wouldn’t feel insulted if you weren’t transphobic. If I refer to your butt as your gluteus maximus, will that offend you? “Hey, those aren’t my glutes, that’s my butt! Call it my butt!” See how silly that sounds?

This may be true. But people don’t hate on others for trying to be like the kind and compassionate parts of Jesus. Try to be like Keanu Reeves, see how many people hate on you.

Two facts I live peaceably with: 1) There is no justification for eternal torment. 2) True love doesn’t threaten to torture you if you don’t love them back.

I bet a lot of Trump supporters couldn’t tell you how many presidents there have been. They know the numbers, they just don’t know what they mean.

If you’re worried about a straight flag, there’s probably something wrong with your pole. 🥁

The average human sheds approximately 30,000-40,000 dead skin cells every minute, accumulating to roughly 8-9 pounds of dead skin per year.

My lord this is silly. Why would I do something for Lord Jesus if I don't believe in Lord Jesus? What have you done for Lord Shiva? Have you done anything for Lord Voldemort?

How can you be a Christian if you don’t even remember the crucifixion?

I wonder if it upsets racists to know that crows are the smartest birds.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” — Albert Einstein

DMT > DJT Both may make you feel like you’re going crazy, but DMT stops after a little bit. And DMT doesn’t rape anybody.

Remember, your reality ain’t everybody else’s hillbilly and their hillbilly has nothing to do with your reality! 🤪

“President Trump, can you tell us a little bit about the apparent decline of your mental capabilities? Is everything OK?”

You don’t get to make up a fantasy about me masturbating just to tell me you don’t want to be a part of it. I don’t want to be a part of it! 😳 #ChristianLove

If you’re willing to vote for a man who says he can just grab women by the pussy, you don’t get to speak on women’s rights. Including abortion.

What if Jesus just made the whole thing up because he had a foot fetish? Like, what if the entire thing was just an elaborate scheme to convince a bunch of dudes to let him wash their feet? ✝️🦶🏼

If there is a creator, none of us are smarter than it. But most of us are smarter than the god described in the Bible. So if there is one, it’s not that one.

Now that Donald Trump has a black hand, is he racist against it? The real confusion will come in when he tries to get it to do some work for him.

If I say he loves raping people and McDonald’s, you know who I’m talking about.

Trump bombing Iran has something to do with him caring about women? So we can expect him to stop raping them?

I’m not gay, but I am a sapiosexual. So in an either or, I’d fuck a dude before a homophobe.

It’s amazing how many people claim to base their lives off of the Bible but haven’t actually read it. If you know someone who bases their life off of the Harry Potter series, you can be sure they’ve read every word of every book.

Raised by a single mother who passed away two months ago. Growing up, every “night out” she’d wear Shalimar perfume. So I’ve always associated the smell with her and called it Shali-mom. Just found her last bottle. 🥹

Jesus wouldn’t want you to hate on liberals and leftists. A lot of them believe in Jesus too, they’re just nicer about it.

Someone should convince Trump to publicly state that Psalm 137:9 is the reason he became a Christian. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, he’d do it. And it would be dashing.

I’m 47 years old and have never been married. If I couldn’t/can’t have premarital sex, that means I can’t fuck. And I don’t give a fuck about your religion, so it’s OK for me to fuck. Consensually.

If the Jesus story is true, everybody who finds a reason to believe in him will be rewarded and everybody who does not will be tortured. Christianity. ❤️

Are they describing faith, gullibility, or both?