I hope to one day live in a world where a Republican will want to protect our children from gun violence with as much vigor as they want to protect a Tesla dealership.

Once Trump has told us who killed JFK, I’m assuming that's when zombie JFK Jr. will FINALLY join Trump as VP as QAnon predicted. Poor JD Vance.

It's only been two months…holy f***

Sorry world.

LOVED seeing Zelensky publically stand up for his country against Putin’s bitches Trump and Vance. 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦

🚨BREAKING: New Trump led Kennedy Center Board announces 2025 show season 🎭: "Behind Closed Doors: The Deep State Musical" "The Supreme Leader’s Spectacular!" "Fascist Follies: A Parade of Power” "Build That Wall! The Broadway Spectacular" "Make America Swing Dance Again!" "God, Guns, and Grits”

Glass half full for the Chiefs after last night… Harrison Butker now has time to get back in the kitchen.

Guys…I’m starting to think both presidential candidates weren't the same after all.

Pam Bondi just got confirmed as Attorney General. She is a female and clearly not qualified! THESE DEI HIRES MUST STOP!!! (...did I do that right?...)

🚨BREAKING: I will be instituting a 100% Go F*** Yourself Tariff on all Trump voters effective immediately.

NOTE TO DEMS: If you have time to send me fundraising texts and emails…YOU HAVE TIME TO SEND ME WHAT THE F*** YOUR PLAN IS TO CONFRONT THE FALL OF DEMOCRACY!!! Thanks.

🚨BREAKING: LIVE look at Trump voters as they begin to understand the effects of tariffs on their households.

I feel like if Trump told MAGA “people are saying” drinking monkey pee cured cancer, there would be a run on it, and Fox News would show multiple segments on “the well-known benefits of monkey pee the Libs don't want you to know about.”

🚨BREAKING: LIVE look at the Donald Trump administration's handling of the OMB over the last 48 hours:

Note to Democrats in elected leadership roles: POSTING ABOUT TRUMP’S FEDERAL AID FREEZE IS NOT DOING SOMETHING!!! WE KNOW IT’S F***ED UP, WE WANT YOU TO TELL US HOW YOU ARE OBSTRUCTING??? DO LITERALLY ANYTHING FFS!!!

🚨BREAKING: LIVE look at Republicans lining up to take jobs previously held by immigrants.

GOP: “You Libs and your gender-changing names and pronouns! You can't just decide one day to make me call you Chris instead of Christine!” Also GOP: “He wants to change the name to ‘Gulf of America’? Hell yes! Always playing chess that guy!”

It appears Trump actually could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue while using the Nazi salute and yelling “Jesus was a woke liberal socialist I am your Jesus!”, and they really would still love and defend him.

I always taught my children not to use the word hate about people. I’m making a LOT of exceptions these days.

Guys…I’m starting to think Trump’s new policies may benefit wealthy white males more than most.

Interesting…

PROPOSAL: Since it is clearly harmless, we start the “Elon Challenge”: ✅ Conservatives…replicate Elon’s “salute” in front of employees at your place of work 📱🤳Film and post your colleague’s reaction on social media platforms 💵If you do, we donate to an agreed-upon charity. Who is in?

I’m guessing the Republicans trying to convince us it wasn't a Nazi salute were the same ones attaching quarters to their faces saying the vaccine made them magnets.

If the next elected Democratic President and/or Congress (assuming we still have a government) doesn't come in with the MOST PROGRESSIVE AGENDA KNOWN TO MAN, I'm going to lose my mind.

Waiting for Republicans to tell me these were just good Americans dressed up in spooky ghost outfits...

When Republicans ask, tell them:

Guys…I’m starting to think it wasn't about the eggs.

2025 GOP on Constitution: 🚫Tired: “Don’t try to reinterpret the Second Amendment! Machine guns for everyone!” ✅ Wired: “Fourteenth Amendment…smorteenth amendment! Get these brown people outta here!”

It's going to be a delicate balance between checking out for own sanity and staying engaged to save our democracy over the next four years.

In case there was any confusion on Elon, a handy guide:

Nazi salute on Trump’s Inauguration Day actually was on the Bingo card for those keeping track.

Out of curiosity, I went to the main site (Moonshot) selling Trump’s crypto coin and: (1) Trump coin is crashing in price (2) Second trending coin under it is “Fartcoin” (3) Third trending coin…ALSO crashing...is “USA”

America somehow wanted four more years of this…

Happy Republicans Post An MLK Jr. Quote They Don't Believe Day to all the celebrate!

So do I just show up at my local grocery store for my free eggs tomorrow?

Congrats to all my fellow weather controllers!! Extra Soros bucks for everyone!! The first round of children’s blood at ANTIFA HQ is on me!! Jewish Space Laser - 1 Trump - 0

I’ve been a frustrated Dem my entire life watching the party DECADE AFTER DECADE learn this same lesson. Not only that, watched as Republicans shamelessly took credit for Democratic successes…that most of the time…THEY VOTED AGAINST! I’m a marketer for a living, and this is Marketing 101 stuff.

Guys…I’m starting to think they weren't eating the dogs or eating the cats after all.

Sometimes I wish I had the lack of self-awareness and naivety MAGA cult members have. Life must be so simple not caring about anyone or anything.

Entitled do-nothing failing-up f***s like Pete Hegseth are why DEI was created in the first place.

Guys…I’m starting to think Pete Hegseth may not be qualified.

As Progressives still reeling from this election, the one thing we have going for us is the utter incompetence and “squirrel!” nature of Donald Trump and his inability to actually accomplish anything. SEE: Greenland, Panama Canal, and Canada insanity before he even gets sworn in.

🚫TikTok = Bad ✅Gigantic Tech Conglomerates With No Guard Rails Spreading Misinformation Run By Billionaires Bowing Down To MAGA = Good. Got it.

Most accurate representation of Donald Trump I've seen. Sound on.

We couldn't elect the first female president, but we could elect a guy who wants to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. Got it.

Guys…I’m starting to think Mark Zuckerberg didn't really care about online safety or facts after all.

Texans here are all “everything is bigger in Texas” bravado until the temp dips below 30 F. Can’t shoot the snow with your guns huh?

The days leading up to a Trump presidency are what I assume it is like right before you are about to report to prison for a 4-year sentence. Ironically the place Trump should be right now instead.

Happy “January 6th: The day half the country pretends we didn't see with our own eyes” to all that celebrate!

I'm sick right now. We really have made no headway in cough syrup taste technology have we?