Oh Seattle is so cute, I wish it was a real place 🥰

Did you know it’s cold on the east coast this morning?

Found on my morning walk: anyone missing their Fraternity House DVD?

Working on a Sunday to make the upcoming week easier so of course I’m doing so at a brewery with a beer

Little known fact: the Smurfs live in Seattle

Walked another 10k steps this morning for this (the best breakfast sandwich in Seattle)

Leg day PLUS 25k steps yesterday and ya girl is SORE today

I refuse to post the oldest selfie of myself in my phone because it would undermine the fake age I have created for myself

Some of you didn't listen to 'Where Is the Love' by the Black Eyed Peas enough, and it shows

"people in cities hate farms and the rural way of life" wrong. People in cities hate leaf blowers

Justin Bieber?

I put the “sh” in Washington 🤫

This will be the week I make new enemies at work (threatening)

Elizabeth Taylor, you may remember her as the grandmother from The Flinstones movie (1994)

Probably canceled for being anti-trump

I hate that boring water is hydrating but yummy coffee is anti-hydrating. Who decided that??

Really in the mood to watch Sister Act 2

Woke up just before 2am… but WHICH ONE

Today is her day

If there’s one thing I’m gonna do it’s make weird faces when I do lat raises

Few things on this earth are uglier to me than Smeg appliances.

What doesn’t kill* you makes me you stronger *this 7:30am zoom meeting with cameras on

I can be having the worst day and then see Lisa Barlow upset and crashing out and suddenly I feel better ❤️‍🩹

LinkedIn character limits NOW!

Not an 8:30am slack message from the CEO 😭

It’s national black cat day AND the week of Halloween so please admire Olive’s dino costume 🦖

In the mood to buy slippers

Seattle has taught me the difference between a “wet rain” and a “dry rain”. And this, dear reader, is a wet rain ☔️

Spent the evening chaperoning at a local high school’s homecoming. It’s good to know the kids are still doing the cha cha slide.

Child safety lids is what’s wrong with the American healthcare system

Tesla drivers are the new Prius drivers and they are BAD

I have my theories about the Louvre robbery

The worst person from your high school is asking the same question that was just asked on a zoom call because they weren’t paying attention.

Icebreaker: if you could have one superpower, which would you choose? Me: the one Jesus had where he turned nasty, boring water into wine

Born to frolic, forced to enter my verification code.

None of these words are in the Bible.

Her name was Kitty Made her money being pretty and witty

At least part of the reason I think I am gay is because I don’t want to be the man of the house and have to kill the big scary spider.

Good to see this administration standing up for local drag queens

Work computer won’t turn on this morning. Oh no.

Went to a spin class for the first time in years and I’ll have you know I was incredibly sexy and coordinated the whole time.

Me right before I untag myself in a friend’s September photo dump on Instagram in which I look the most like myself but hate the way I look in anything candid

Is it cool if I come over to play with your cat and ignore you?

I thought this was a labubu

My butt hurts (yesterday was leg day)

after millions of views and shares of my Portland Frog art. (thank you all🙏🏾) I got requests to highlight priests, and chickens, and Chicagoans, and T-Rexes, and more… all of us who refuse to bend the knee. so this is for US. 𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚃𝚊𝚕𝚕. 𝚆𝚎 𝚆𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚆𝚒𝚗.

New rain jacket and I feel invincible

IVE HAD TOO MUCH CAFFEINE AND IM GOING TO DANCE ABOUT IT