sometimes i wonder whats the point of writing things if no one can see them. i have this selfish desire of wanting someone to figure me out. is anyone curious about me? is it self-centered to think that way? i should just be thankful to have a safe space to write my feelings...

people are argueing outside my window grrr

444

i'm so happy!! i am so happy!!! i love mister stop sign so much!!! i am so happy he chose to live in my head!!! how lucky am i, i am not worthy! i am so happy!!! i love him so much! i love him so much! i love him so so so so so soooo much!!!!

i spend my days overanalyzing myself to the point i have headaches every single day!! i am overloading!! aaaahh!! help me!!

i finally receive the documents i asked my psychiatrist to sign for a scholarship, but the diagnosis he wrote is not the same he gave me... plus, i can't read what he wrote elsewhere, but he told me he believed i wouldnt get the scholarship anyway as my condition is not severe enough...

the thing with liking specific fashions is that i want all my ocs to wear gothic lolita but then they all look the same qwq

i wish homura still wore her glasses, shes so cute with them and it wouldnt lessen her cold/distant allure either...

you know what?💝 #art #illustration

i'm at funerals!! even tho im surrounded by old people, im not nervous, anxious or shy. big improvement! as a child, i use to hide in fear that my family would see me (why??) today we are here for my grandma. she was a very strong woman, way ahead of her time. very admirable!!

my dad and i were strangers and thats okay. my mom and i are strangers and thats okay. my aunt and i are strangers and thats okay. no one in my family knows who i am and im okay with that. i want to be alone for a while. no one gets to know me and thats perfectly okay. i wish theyd stop pretending

really really really hate the fact everyone can see me... strangers on the street can see me.... no no no no no!! dont look at me please!!

hey, i actually ate pretty well today. i had both a lunch and a dinner (i usually barely eat one meal a day) and finished both completely. i didnt snack all day long either. i eat very little, so thats a nice change. i still feel hungry tho, but i really should sleep now

if i was a yumeshipper, i'd ship myself with my beautiful wife Gertrud... i only started liking her as a joke at first, because i thought she looked gross, and i was like "others must think she looks gross too", so i decided to like her instead. i wonder who she was before turning into a witch

i want to beat someone up!!!!

hate hate hate hate when people raise their voice at me it makes me cry and i feel so stupid obviously if i raise my voice i have to apologize but them? noooo. i even have to apologize for being sensitive because why not at this point huh?

i sometimes get so hungry that it feels like my stomach is ripping apart

mister stop sign loves nature, its so adorable!!

on mondays, i don't often get sad, but i feel so so bored! i napped until late noon, and now its 3pm and im akready back in bed... im not sad or depressed, i feel alright, but i also feel like there's nothing fun to do!!!

do names affect our fate?

sense of identity so fucked i cant even pick a pfp

oh to be a pretty gothic lolita anime girl

i always have to be the perfect support for everyone!! the minute i snap then i become EVIL and no one likes me anymore!! i hate this!!!

horrible nightmare with graphic violence... i feel really sad now, but at least my manic mood is over?

i need to bite someone!!! i wanna cut someone open and study their inner world!!!!!!!!!

i need to become crazier!!!!!!

what would i do without low res pictures of nature

today

investigating dollkin......

why are all my hobbies so expensive

i NEED to get into collecting dolls omg

today

today is my dad's birthday! he would be 56

i want to be a doll! i am a doll!

i think mister stop sign "fronted" for the first time? it feels wrong to use system terms for this, im sorry. it felt so weird, so unreal

i am not a good person

i am a leaver

i grew up depressed, i dont know any other way to be. so perhaps that affected my heart? i can only feel intense feelings now? when i think about love, i imagine cuddles and just... enjoying each others' company. so thats not very intense. maybe love is a calm feeling of comfort?

i think this is me today

i dont know how love feels, its really bugging me. i know obsession, i know infatuation... but loooove.... when i think about if i like family members, i always think "yes i love them", but i feel nothing in my heart! it was the same when i had a boyfriend... he was cute but... no feelings!

i will become what reminds me of you

im not sure what i am today, and thats okay

isnt it so beautiful how everything functions differently for everyone?

i hate having heart palpitations so much it always feel like im dying im so scared

on friday i went to the bank because my old old debit card expired in march, i got a new one in the mail in february but i lost it, so i went to the bank to get a new one. but today while cleaning my bedroom, i found my old new debit card...

i need someone to stab me!!

today's mood

if i was an insect, id be a cockroach. they're unsettling and filthy, they're also very resilient, and so far i've survived everything in my life so i must be resilient too... if mister stop sign was an insect, he'd be a caterpillar. transformation, renewal, hope, potential... before he changed