History books chapters starting off with a paragraph about the rising cost of eggs in 2024.

The worst thing that can happen on a big company call is to be hyped up because all it means is more work is coming your way. You want to be right in the middle. Never drowning. Never flying.

Former US President Dick Cheney has died.

Christmas decorations at the start of November? Why don’t you jingle all the way to fuck off?

Its 2025. Everything you use is shite and the monthly subscription has just went up.

I feel if you ever need to lay off 40k people then you should be put in the public stocks and pelted by tomatoes for being a failure to society.

I love this time of year where the air is crisp and you might get laid off from your tech job to delight shareholders.

Heard the new place around the corner selling coffee and açai bowls is owned by Ireland’s largest criminal family.

The first half an hour of House of Dynamite was pretty good I guess.

I’ve never been laid off thankfully, but I realised that despite my world travels I have worked full-time my entire adult life except for 3 months drinking Carlton Draught and eating chicken parm trying to find work in Melbourne (heaven).

If you use AI for creativity I put you mentally in the scum pile.

If you’re sick of “the world’s first AI agent for X” messaging then I’d like to just say I used it first so you can’t be mad.

That’s the evenings dead until March. Wake. Work. Wallow.

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My wife enjoys watching old films which means I’m realising just how much The Simpsons parodied.

I know there’s more to life, but I bought a Dyson vacuum and an LG OLED tele and both have changed me for the better.

All the people who went mad about a Cracker Barrel logo don’t care the US President demolished half of his historical gaff. Lol.

The best podcast in Ireland voices support for Catherine Connolly. (We weren’t invited to the Vicar Street campaign event 2 mins away with all the other podcasts, but that’s fine.)

Waking up in the dark… just kill me now. Might need to up the vitamin D.

I have somehow missed the Louvre news, but I would just like to say I am fully on their side. Old school jewellery museum heist is anti-AI dystopia. I can’t explain it, but it is.

See when you’re on a call with posh English people and then a big booming Yorkshire accent appears from the shadows… it feels like delicious butter melting on a warm roll.

Saw a group of young Deloitte men in pastel chinos and quarter zip tops and it made me want to die 👍

Everything I try to fix in this old house is ten times harder because every nut and bolt is seized up with the devil’s grip.

72 hour protection for deodorant seems unnecessary outside of trench warfare.

Whenever someone does “the left and the right” they are always on the right.

20 Israelis go back to everything 2000 Palestinians go back to nothing

I have become an offline boy against my will. Billionaire bastards ruined it. I would happily rot away on 2010s internet.

Slagging woke has always been around, but the boomers called it bleeding hearts.

Working in tech has been absolute shite for years now so when you make a joke about “vegan smoothie bean bag twats” you should change it to “layoff dodging conference call cunts” instead.

Your power bill is going up because we need to subsidise a new data centre to train the robots to take your job, idiot.

I love when my taxi driver is foreign because they either don’t want to talk at all or are actually interesting.

I used to clean up rancid cream here 20 years ago for about £3.50 an hour ❤️ 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 🥛

2 years since I had the best day of my life going to carrot island in Okinawa.

Someone told me to invest heavily in Palantir when it was like $7 (it’s $180 now) and I refused because they were evil… like a moral idiot.

Going to die on a €18.99 Ryanair flight in Storm Amy.

I saw Jane Goodall in Pollença in Mallorca 2 years ago exactly. I dropped a croquette on the ground between our tables and she made the Shrek face.

A BIG chunk of my close friends and loved ones are being diagnosed with autism in their 30’s and rather selfishly I’m thinking… what does that reveal about me?

Just thought after all these years that maybe I’m annoying online.

Welcome to Dublin. I hope you’re ready to spend €17.50 multiple times a day.

I sometimes get headhunted to move back to public sector work. Yes, please let me earn fuck all with absolutely no old school benefits of job security or solid pension whilst having to placate dusty men who started working there in 1975.

Watching a film from 1967 and everyone in the cast is dead 👍

The biggest crime here is actually the lack of order or pattern in the yellow and red squares.

On my way to Riyadh for the comedy festival. Don’t worry… I’m accepting the $350k ironically.

Fair play to the French for turning butter and chocolate into a classy breakfast.

Remember when it was fun to pop online for an hour and laugh at a wee 140 character joke?

Caught 5 seconds of a live Trump conference there: “Too much liquid going into these babies…”

“How did they allow fascism to rise in the 1930’s?” Maybe they were all just knackered from their stupid jobs actually…

This 2016 online patter is brutal

When I have a work meeting in a coffee shop it’s fine obviously, but everyone else who does is a loser. Nice business chat there you sad twat.

They modernised my local shop and I’m devastated. No grime. No dark corners. No soul.