My writer this season sucks. Season four Jim was way better written.

Wishing you calm milk today.

She got all dolled up for the apocalypse. Used the expensive make-up. Got her hair done. Unfortunately, the first nuclear blast burned her hair clean off and melted her whole face, so it was a bit of a waste.

The ouija board never asks how your day was.

“I buried my dad on Tuesday, but he was back again before dawn. I wasn’t surprised anymore.” Oh I dig this story “Inheritance” by @horlockwarlock.bsky.social on Menace Lit! 💀 www.menace-mag.com/inheritance-...

No matter how much butter you put on your potatoes, it will not be enough.

Still Wakes the Deep would have been a better TV show than The Rig.

Books that I wrote

Calling out the boss here: As good as she is at supporting our writers, she is FOR SHIT at self-promoting, so allow me a moment of your time: Tenebrous EIC @alexwoodroe.com has a new book out tomorrow, THE NIGHT SHIP! It fucking rocks. If you dig what Tenebrous does, you’ll dig it. Link to buy ⬇️

Feast your ears on Transmission zero, and welcome The Night Ship into the world! Released today wherever you can grab it, and ready to be just about the strangest journey into the vast of night you'll ever go through. www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Ni...

Today's a big day for weird horror fans! Was lucky enough to grab an ARC of this one by @alexwoodroe.com . You can read my thoughts at the link below but the TL;DR of it all is: nail-biting, thrilling cosmic apocalyptic horror that hits the ground running and never lets up! #HorrorBook

The absolute audacity of Microsoft Teams just deciding to rename uploaded files as it sees fit.

Here it is, folks our exclusive interview with Jim Butcher about the latest Dresden Files novel, Twelve Months out, today from @orbitbooks.bsky.social gnofhorror.com/jim-butcher-... @jennihill.bsky.social #JimButcher #DresdenFiles

Filthy little cheese pigs

We are all made of meat and therefore susceptible to seasoning.

I hate when you're staying at a hotel and the bathroom doesn't have a little hook to hang up your skin. Stupid oversight in design.

Looking mean. By which I mean average.

That's my name! Ellen Datlow mentioned me!

Stop burning me, pizza! My only crime was living you!

No news is good news but all news is bad news.

I'm smooth and silky, baby. Like a curry.

I am covered in spicy mayo

Child me, having a bad day in school. The Gold bar in my lunchbox:

I'm old and my feet hurt.

Remember that time we got depressurised in the marbled meat room? Fun times.

Mothman's actual name is Motthew, but you didn't know that because you've never bothered to ask him.

I don't mean to brag, but my bag can hold 30 litres of ham.

Liking cinnamon cookies doesn't make me a murderer!

Carman Sandiago and I actually have a lot in common.

Someone left this perfectly good tree meat outside with the trash!

Snack-cident: when you accidentally eat the whole block of cheese.

Every story has an end. But just because it's over, doesn't mean it's gone.

Never thought I'd be stabbed in the back by coconut milk.

Starting to think we're never going to get to Funkytown

Ready to charge the Black Gate

I just want to wobble your collies

Oh I wish it could be Christmas every day, With your bitch slap rapping and your cocaine tongue, You get nothing done, Let the bells ring out for Christmas.

Merry Crisis everyone.

Be on the Look Out For ... THE NIGHT SHIP by Alex Woodroe (@alexwoodroe.com), releasing next month!

"How's Nan doing?" "She's growing another row of teeth." "...OK sure." Actuak family conversation.

Merry Christmas, dirty beasts, or whatever the saying is.

Fandom check! Guess the fandom by the gift:

Turns out I'm held upright by a series of colossal knots up and down my spine working in unison. I'm like a suspension bridge of unresolved stress.

I'll be honest, I never suspected Michael Buble was a serial killer.

Ergonomic crucifixes are so funny to me. Here's this ultimate symbol of earthly sacrifice and pain. We've made it comfortable so you don't hurt your little handsies.

Hail Santa!

What's a celebratory pork ball between friends?

Giddy up, jingle whores!

I swear I'm going to flip a grunt