Playing speakerphone Waylon Jennings on the train platform til somebody gets mad at me

I’m honestly kind of beast for peaking in 2021

Enjoy Obama like you’ve never used him before. ”Hawaii Spice: The President’s Body,” available now on iTunes.

Discover Obama’s enlightening new memoir, based on true Obama facts. “Memories of Barack: The Obama Story” available June 2026.

Old ass baby

Bernie Sanders going on Tim Dillon just shows there is no politician immune to the gravitational pull of a fat red pedophile

Two ships in the night

Straight chillin open.spotify.com/track/0UFC1o...

Furuous beyond belief.

We need more bitterness on Bluesky. More evil. A land of anguish

It’s good people aren’t trying too hard to be funny over here. Wouldn’t want things to accidentally get interesting

Hendrix died doing what he loved: trying to swallow a guitar

The new apprentice has no respect for sorcery fundamentals. “What are we preparing today, Great Wizard? Another poultice?” I wish ill upon him daily

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster

[Sweeping shot of a guy who was bitten clean in half] Sci fi coroner: Whatever did this…wasn’t human

Finally, a Cormac McCarthy story we can all actually relate to.

Watching the light leave a victim’s eyes can be so hard on empaths

Son, you’ve hardly touched your piece of poop. Could you at least drink a glass of pee before bed?

Sometimes I like to prank my butler with beef wellington

Encountering a lot of toxicity on here, wondering if it’s the lack of strength in numbers. Anybody know of a bigger app we could move to?

I wanted to write a book under the pen name Maxwell Aubergine recently thanks to a briefly sub-80 IQ

Every place of business should have saloon doors

Hungry as fuhhh #NeedMeThatFood

If I ran a Truman Show style simulation I would give the guy up to thirty new rashes per day

I love killing people

Forgot to code switch with my weasel friend and now he’s telling everyone I talk like a vole