Me and four other guys just got super pissed at Jackie Chan. We are going to all kick him at once

(As the concession man grips a revolver under the counter) “And just a drizzle of olive oil for me”

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Old ass baby

Bernie Sanders going on Tim Dillon just shows there is no politician immune to the gravitational pull of a fat red pedophile

Two ships in the night

Straight chillin open.spotify.com/track/0UFC1o...

Furuous beyond belief.

We need more bitterness on Bluesky. More evil. A land of anguish

It’s good people aren’t trying too hard to be funny over here. Wouldn’t want things to accidentally get interesting

Hendrix died doing what he loved: trying to swallow a guitar

The new apprentice has no respect for sorcery fundamentals. “What are we preparing today, Great Wizard? Another poultice?” I wish ill upon him daily

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster

[Sweeping shot of a guy who was bitten clean in half] Sci fi coroner: Whatever did this…wasn’t human

Finally, a Cormac McCarthy story we can all actually relate to.

Watching the light leave a victim’s eyes can be so hard on empaths

Son, you’ve hardly touched your piece of poop. Could you at least drink a glass of pee before bed?

Sometimes I like to prank my butler with beef wellington

Encountering a lot of toxicity on here, wondering if it’s the lack of strength in numbers. Anybody know of a bigger app we could move to?

I wanted to write a book under the pen name Maxwell Aubergine recently thanks to a briefly sub-80 IQ

Every place of business should have saloon doors

Hungry as fuhhh #NeedMeThatFood

If I ran a Truman Show style simulation I would give the guy up to thirty new rashes per day

I love killing people

Forgot to code switch with my weasel friend and now he’s telling everyone I talk like a vole