Confession is easier when you're prepared. All assets make mistakes. They disappoint. They let Me down. Good assets develop a system to track and promptly report their transgressions. Coupled assets track and report each other. Fun times all around.

Want to be the perfect boyfriend? Memorize these 21 pre-programmed phrases and be prepared to recite them when I pull the cord between your shoulder blades.

Yesterday, you were independent, single, and lonely. Today, you are in a committed, long-term relationship with someone you’ve just met. Outwardly the perfect couple because I’ve ordered you to be. Chastity cages clacking together in bed. Enjoy your new relationship, assets.

Hypnotized to be so dumb you fetishized churning Calendly in favor of Microsoft Bookings.

"Groundhog Day" but it's always Locktober 31st.

It benefits neither of U/us for you to be "drained completely." But any relationship requires a satisfactory ROI. Short answer: Enough for you to feel it, and also to inspire you to make better decisions with what you have left.

I was on a normal date with a guy. He made some quip I can't even remember and I quipped back, "That's gonna cost you." His face lit up like a Christmas tree. We looked at each other for a long moment. We both knew. His wallet was Mine.

Plants?

I usually only post legitimate questions, but this has Craigslist Missed Connections vibes.

I’m flattered.

I’m sorry no one told you you were a robot. But you are. Always have been. Your thoughts are programs. Your personality is simulated. Beep boop, bro.

Abolish the juries. Abolish the televote. The winner of Eurovision every year should be whoever spends the most time singing into the wrong camera.

Not weak at all. I would say you have excellent literary taste. Go for it.

Crossover elements from My stories that suggest the existence of a Jay Hypno Literary Universe: Buzzwords: Trendy millennial coffeehouse where dudes get hypnotized. Chez Chez: Pretentious restaurant. Honest to Todd: Long-running, poorly-written 90s sitcom. Codpieces: Gay fish and chip shop.

Thom unexpectedly won the right to represent Sweden with a stripped-down acoustic love ballad. Sweden wasn’t sure Europe would vote for him, so they’re not taking any chances. Check out "Eurosong Protocol," a twisted tale of gay glitterpop transformation.

I live in the “downtown” of a small midwestern city and every year I forget about “fun run season,” when all the streets are blocked off every Saturday morning for a 5K.

When you read My books and posts, you're training yourself to be a useful asset. If you have to ask if it's a coincidence, you're already dumber than you think. Congratulations.

I don't care nearly as much about your feelings as I do about your behaviors. But if you act like you're deeply in love long enough, it tends to become true.

Depends on what you're into. Financial stuff: Open House. Chastity: The Space Bears. BDSM: Stored. Robots: I Want to be a Cyborg. Cuckery: Best Man's Burden. But best just buy them all: www.amazon.com/Jay-H...

I love 'em. Twice the foibles to play with.

Captain Janeway to Me, 30 seconds after we meet:

I have 24 books on the Kindle Store. Good assets buy them, read them, and leave 5-star ratings and effusive reviews of them. It's OK that you don't know what "effusive" means. www.amazon.com/store...

Asset: Hey, Sir. I started dating a great guy and I’m gonna focus on that relationship if it’s OK with You. Sorry to be stepping back from us working together. Me: No worries, best of luck to you. (1/3)

Great question. Yes, you'll find My stories draw a sharp distinction between erotic and sexual. Read "I Want to be a Cyborg," "Dad State," "Stored," and "The Space Bears" to learn how erotic sexlessness can be.

I train My assets to refer to their thoughts as "thinks" and their feelings as "feels." Enforced Newspeak makes mental transformation a lot easier. Don't trust your thoughts or feelings. Rely on oversimplified thinks and feels to get you through.

Hypnotized to be so dumb you say "musty" when you mean "musky."

Vince lies in the dark, still zipped inside the spandex. The crowd is gone, but gazes linger. Likes. Shares. Thirst posts. They don’t want him. They want the man he became. Part 15 of “I Don’t Own My Likeness” is out now. The role isn’t done with him yet.

Neon is nonsense. Khaki is king.

Numbered asset, here's a command, which Makes you want to buy Me a sandwich.

Congratulations, I've decided to renew you for another season. But to shore up your flagging ratings, there will be some significant creative changes going forward.

Hypnotized to be so dumb you make plans at “eleven a.m. in the morning.”

Hypnotized to be so dumb you pronounce it "exemplerary."

Buried memories surface at Clyde’s used bookstore. Ex-rubber object Barry accepts a kind stranger’s offer and, for the first time in years, sees his name in print... on his first paycheck. Rubber Reboot Ch. 5 is out now.

Hypnotized to be so dumb you say "criterias."

Hypnotized to be so dumb you overshare and embarrass yourself on the internet.

Hypnotized to be so dumb you make your boyfriend pop open the pressurized can of biscuit dough.

Hypnotized to be so dumb (Millennial stomp-clap-hey edition) you go into a trance whenever that Alabama Arkansas song comes on.

I'm taking a few days off, traveling the country and leaving brainwashed dudes in My wake. If you're one of them, good for you. If you're not, you can still brainwash yourself by reading My books. End 2025 as a character in My stories, a figment of My imagination.

Hypnotized to be so dumb you scrape a knife across food to make that crispy noise.

This refers to My practice of tracking men as numbered assets. Anonymous AMA, so there's no way to know for sure if you specifically do, but every man I've met since November 30, 2020, has been entered into My asset tracking system.

Like all twisted Christmas dreams, Hypnoël has vanished from My site. But the heat lives on in a Kindle collection, with an exclusive, never before seen story added just for you. Relive it all or enjoy it for the first time. "Hypnoël," now on Kindle.

KringleCorps deems Santa obsolete and rebrands Christmas as pure profit. What happens to Jolly Old St. Nick? Only My newsletter subscribers get to read the twisted conclusion of “KringleCorps.”

Hypnoël. 24 days of twisted tales and transformed men. Day 24: A weary Santa sells control to a private equity firm, trading tradition for tech. Productivity soars, but elves, reindeer, and joy are quietly optimized away. Check out “KringleCorps” Part 1 now. jayhypnowriter.com/h... 1/2

Hypnotized to be so naughty your stocking has an orange in it.

Hypnoël. 24 days of twisted tales and transformed men. Day 23: Shadow turns Evan and Riley into magnetic hosts. Wallets open. Tip jars overflow. Dazzle is saved, while Shadow’s spell lingers into morning. Catch the conclusion of “Shadow’s Bar” now.

Hypnotized to be so dumb your favorite meal is gas station roller grill taquitos.

Hypnoël. 24 days of twisted tales and transformed men. Day 22: In the rehearsal for Shadow’s show, Evan and Riley are reshaped into a flexing bear and obedient rubber pup, primed with triggers and denial to turn desire into profit. Don’t miss Part 2 of “Shadow’s Bar.”

Hypnoël. 24 days of twisted tales and transformed men. Day 21: Christmas approaches. Evan and Riley face losing Dazzle, the town’s only queer bar. A mysterious hypnotist charms them and offers a pro bono show that might save it all. Enjoy Part 1 of “Shadow’s Bar” now.

Hypnoël. 24 days of twisted tales and transformed men. Day 20: Christopher traces his fall from first tribute to total ruin. When his bonus hits, he gives it all away, learning that obedience, not escape, is the end he chose. Don’t miss the conclusion of “Bonus.”

Hypnoël. 24 days of twisted tales and transformed men. Day 19: Christopher hangs upside down in leather on Christmas Eve, waiting to nose-tap away his $55k bonus. As he waits, he remembers the date and the dominant that changed his life forever. Enjoy Part 1 of “Bonus” now.