Who else in the exploding tree risk zone?

I wanna fuck all my gangstalkers

shakeThatAssHoe.wav

Podcast? Erm I thought you said PAWGcast…

I loveeeee having an aunt who cleans out dead peoples’ houses

This says a lot about who’s really running the New York Times 🤦🏼‍♀️

Boiling all her panties and socks in a big pot to create a delicious stock

Trying to watch a basketball game and they keep putting me on the Chud Cam™ 🤦🏼‍♀️

Got suspended on Twitter 🤦🏼‍♀️

Using my telekinesis to pull poop out of a strangers butt at a party. Then when they start waddling to the bathroom all embarrassed I put the poop back in their butt and now they’re completely bewildered

I’m starting a twink death support group

Been feeling really good lately

Got a targeted ad for something I only thought about

I want to make my own fake version of these things and put them outside of assisted living homes and just rake in the pills by the ton. I’d be like Scrooge McDuck diving into a sea of gold coins but instead they would be pills. But alas, I am a coward afraid of prison

It’s time we all admit cocktail sauce is just ketchup

If you saw some of the babes I’ve fumbled… you’d prolly retch and wail and try to kill yourself having just imagined yourself in my position… and yet I persist

Gnawing through my ankle monitor like a rat

Been going to NA meetings for my laxative addiction and every knows I relapsed cuz I shit my pants

Trying to quit smoking is kinda gayyyy. Oh you need to put stuff in your mouth and suck on it to satiate the cravings?? Like a cock???

Is having a smokers cough at 25 attractive to women?

If I had a boner I would use it to bust open the hard outer shell of various types of tree nuts in order to access the fleshy sustenance within.

If you are hesitating to like my post, remember: I am woke

I can see you starting at the dent in my head. Please stop >:(. It’s not even that noticeable. No it’s does not pop back out when I blow into my thumb. I tried that already.

It’s funny watching Sam Hyde going crybaby Karen mode cheering on people getting fired for tweeting about Charlie Kirk when 1 out of 4 of his “jokes” are about killing people or beating women

If you’re broke but wanna get fucked up just stay awake for 24 hours

I fainted for the first time in my life last night while paying my tab at the bar. Such an embarrassingly feminine experience 🤦🏼‍♀️ Woke up to this guy holding my hand asking if I’m okay. Guess he caught me on the way down with a chair. We’re dating now ❤️

Brother and I take great pleasure indulging in mothers milk

When the pills run out

Going to the hospital and ordering a round of STD tests for everyone in the waiting room

Flirting with a girl who’s wearing camo pants by asking if she ever wants to go kill some animals some time

Writing a love poem for the AI porn bot in my dms

I only listen to dubstep none of that gangsta rap crap for me

Boss is gone today so I can finally be my true self at work Woop Woop

I know exactly what to tell the doctor to get whatever pills I want

No amount of government surveillance can deter me from posting publicly about my weird fetishes

If Shelly Duval was alive and my age I wouldn’t be killing myself right now

Some good starter pills if you’re just getting into prescription drug abuse 🧵

the devil shudders when the bald man grins

Why is a bald man so dangerous? He’s got nothing to lose

How I looked at my doctor after I told him I get scared on airplanes and he prescribed me the type of pills you cant abuse

I got sexually assaulted at a Strokes concert but I didn’t even care cuz Taken For a Fool was playing

Eating olives and cheese for breakfast with black coffee

Palantir has a database dedicated to the weird types of porn you watch

My mom started taking adderall and she keeps referring to it as her methamphetamine lol

I want you to hang me from the ceiling and beat me like a piñata

Since I was a child I’ve always dreamed of being a lolcow

nice contrarian opinion bro!! I can tell you are very smart and cool!

Bro I’m telling you don’t be embarrassed. Having an erection in the morning is perfectly normal and actually a sign that you’re healthy!