If we’re going to start taking medical advice from former drug addicts with no medical training, I think Robert Downey Jr. over Robert Kennedy Jr. would be a better option.

Ashli Babbitt will be given a military funeral showing the world that you can break the law and still be honored and in other news, Dahmer received a posthumous Michelin star for his chef skills.

Gen Xers were able to survive elementary school, junior high and high school without a water bottle. We didn’t drink water, we hydrated with yo mama jokes and sarcasm.

The White House is going to vet the Smithsonian so that it fits with Trump’s version of history because that’s exactly what normal, mentally stable people do. 🤦🏼‍♀️ He really does not want us knowing he’s in the Epstein files, does he?

Even if I opposed gay marriage, Neil Patrick Harris still wouldn’t want anything to do with me. So marry whomever the hell you want and stay off my lawn.

I miss that time in 2015 when I could say I knew more about pop culture than politics. Yes, I understand that statement is coming from a place of privilege. No, I don’t care. I miss being that naive because it meant I wasn’t crying on the inside.

I was under the impression that Trump was supposed to make groceries and gas cheaper but maybe he forgot about that because he’s been busy railing against South Park, Stephen Colbert, Rosie and/or anyone else who disagrees with him.

We lost 3 celebs who ran the gambut from non problematic to mildly problematic to very problematic. Regardless, it’s hard to lose men as talented as Malcom Jamal Warner, Ozzy Osbourne & Hulk Hogan. They were each at the top of their respective fields, changing television, music & wrestling. RIP ❤️

Happy 4th of July! How about instead of being upset about the orange menace destroying the country, be grateful that you get another 4th to celebrate? To be with friends and/or family, to eat good food, drink yummy drinks. So many don’t get that opportunity. So enjoy the day!

OJ Simpson killed so Diddy could continue his baby oil fueled freak offs filled with prostitution and sex trafficking party favors.

Trump is selling overpriced cologne because sometimes you wanna smell like hatred and bigotry without having to tell people that you enjoy hatred and bigotry

I don’t know who needs hear this but if you accidentally wash your car and house keys in the washing machine, you’ll get very clean keys that still work! Hashtag it’s me, I need to hear this.

What it’s like to be an educator: Children will forget punctuation, capitalization rules and do entire worksheets without reading the directions even once but they’ll remember that one thing you told them 8 months ago on a random Tuesday.

Business idea: Hire preschool and kindergarten teachers to be hostage negotiators? I mean, who better to negotiate with terrorists than someone who has experience negotiating with tiny terrorists who don’t know what negotiating means.

I’m definitely one of those obnoxious birthday people but there’s a difference between “I wanna make it a week of celebrations” obnoxious and “let’s throw a birthday party for myself and tell people that I’m really celebrating the military” obnoxious. Choose your obnoxious.

There’s being a big birthday person and then there’s being the kind of birthday person who decides to have a parade on his birthday under the guise of celebrating the military….and it’s not even a milestone birthday. #NoKings #TrumpParade #usmarines

There’s being a big birthday person and then there’s being the kind of birthday person who decides to have a parade on his birthday under the guise of celebrating the military….and it’s not even a milestone birthday.

We’re just not going to discuss that the Convicted Orange Felon went to see Les Misérables? Does he not understand what that play is about? He hates redemption, social justice, and the struggles of the working class.

Not sure why Trump hates immigrants so much considering he married two of them and even buried one on his golf course for a tax break.

Look, I can barely find my way home most of the time but as an L.A. native, I have yet to see any riots East, West, South or North of Ventura. I’m also still not sure where East, West, South or North of Ventura are.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but we’re all immigrants. This land the MAGA group wants to make great again was stolen from the Indigenous. Southern California was considered a Spanish Empire before it was taken over by Americans in 1847. Maybe instead of banning history books, read them.

Donald Trump, the President of the United States, believes that Biden was executed and cloned…such a better choice than the overqualified woman we almost had running the country instead. Good job, QANONUTTER MAGAS….you really know how to pick ‘em. Suddenly, I’m craving tacos.

Considering Mama Rose in Gypsy is based off Rose Thompson Hovick, a notorious stage mother known for her ruthless and unkind demeanor, maybe Patti LuPone is the ultimate method actor who doesn’t realize she’s no longer playing that part?

Can we stop calling Trump a taco? That’s incredibly disrespectful to tacos and have done nothing to deserve being compared to the Mango Criminal. Hashtag justice for tacos.

The QANONUTTER MAGAS are now boycotting Harvard and on a similar note, I am boycotting the US Gymnastics team for the Olympics. Sure, I can’t even do a cartwheel but that’s not the point!

Has anyone ever thought that the reason that Trump is so mad at Harvard is because Elle Woods lied to him and it is hard to get into Harvard?

I feel like at this point, it would be easier to make a list of people Patti Lupone doesn’t hate…. 1. Herself 2. 3. Yeah, I think that’s it

Okay, I think I followed everyone back who followed me….if I’m not following you back, let me know!

The theme to Cheers has been playing non stop. When Matthew Perry died,they kept playing the theme to Friends. When Betty White passed, the theme to Golden Girls was the song of the day.These younger generations have no clue how hard these TV show theme songs hit & how sad it is that they’re no more

When we were 16, @amieamis wrote me a letter….about George Wendt. She told me to ask my friends and being the dutiful and loyal friend I am, I did and it did nothing to help my social standing. Rest in Peace George Wendt

Just saw I have a little over a thousand followers on here….that’s so cool! Thank you. I will follow you all back as soon as I can!

Have you tried Rihanna’s Fenty lip gloss? It really slaps as the kids say…. Oh speaking of slaps…. Chris Brown got arrested which is odd because he always seemed like such a calm, cool and collected individual.

Look, judge me all you want but there are very few things more enjoyable than reading 875 comments about a Facebook group drama that has absolutely nothing to do with you.

So Trump thinks Mattel is a country….it’s apparently located on the border of Legoland and is run by Paw Patrol who are refusing to deport Sonic and his friends.

There’s someone in one of the FB groups I’m in who posted an idea about starting a community where we barter and trade instead of working for money. I think I’ve final been asked to join a cult!!!

If they don’t ask the new Pope if he accepts this rosary, then what are we even doing here?

Trump is defunding Sesame Street, NPR and placing tariffs on all films filmed outside the US. Is this his revenge for the fact that the Apprentice movie was filmed in Canada and also that he’s never won an Emmy but RuPaul’s Drag Race has?

Trump is not playing chess, nor is he playing checkers. Hell, he’s not even playing Hungry, Hungry Hippo. He’s playing 52 Card Pick Up.

With all the serious issues going on in the world, at least Trump is finally putting tariffs on penguins. Those happy feet have been freeloading for way too long.

So when the Fame theme song starts playing on your Spotify, it’s customary to look at your Ring camera and start mouthing the words, right? Hashtag asking for a friend

Happy Liberation Day! Thanks Trump for ensuring that we become liberated from our money. I personally will miss being able to buy food. So when Trump said he was going to make America great again, I guess he meant he was gonna take us back to the Great Depression? #trumptariffs

Honestly, at this point April 1st happened last November when the QANONUTTER MAGAS thought a convicted felon was more qualified than a woman to run the country #aprilfoolsday

I hope you all have a great Wednesday and remember that no matter how stressful things get, you didn’t send war plans to a journalist in a group text

I’ve made many mistakes in my life both professionally and personally but I can with confidence say I have never texted top secret war plans to a reporter.

May you all go through life with the joy of a six year old and a four year old learning for the first time that the word “pupa” is dangerously close to the word “poop”

Trump’s temper tantrum over his portrait in the Colorado Capitol building is akin to people’s reaction to hearing what their voice actually sounds like on a recording. It doesn’t matter how many times you try to deny it, it’s you. Sorry, Trump you are a very unattractive felon.

If you have child who needs services, please check with your school to make sure those services will not be discontinued now that the Department of Education will be taken away.

Tutoring adventures: Six year old: Why are there cheese graters? Me: Because G-d wants us to be happy?

Me: If I don’t spend any money for the next week, that’s a good start. Let’s start saving! Internet: Here are 20 shopping websites featuring clothes we know you’ll love and a Buzzfeed list on 20 things that will look great in your kitchen. Fuck you, internet

I was wondering about these two giant blue cybertrucks that have been parked outside my building for weeks. After taking a closer look, I realized those were just metal trash bins. Honest mistake.